Vote for Pedro and Other Subversive Ideas

Cast (in order of appearance):
Girlfriend - Botany Babe
Mom - Milly
Botany Babe's little sister - Air
Social Studies Teacher - Scuba Steve
Botany Babe's younger sister - Southern Drawl
Brother in law - One Step
Neice - The Offspring

My girlfriend, Botany Babe, always goes back home to Indiana for Christmas and this year I decided to follow her.

So it started with this:

An early Christmas present. It was thermal underwear and wool socks. Sweet!

The day finally arrived for me to leave Hawaii. BB was already in Indiana for a week, and I was Jonesing to see her.

This was Lihue Airport, Kauai. Note the green tropical plants.

Then this was Honolulu International.

The stupid Pizza Hut Express ran out of pepperonis. How the hell can a pizza place run out of pepperoni in the middle of the afternoon?

My flight would take me from HNL to Chicago Ohare non-stop. That's one long trip, and I wasn't really looking forward to it. To make things even better, when I got to my seat on the plane, I found an old man in my spot. Meh. I figured I'd leave him the window seat since I may end up getting up to use the bathroom a few times. I should have known better.

Across the aisle sat the old guy's wife. She insisted on calling out to her husband several times during the flight. It wouldn't have been too bad if she had a pleasant voice, but no. My luck isn't that good. She had a nasally, whiny, old Chicago-lady voice.

"Fre--------------d," she would whine in an extremely annoying voice. I took it upon myself to do as much as I could to convey messages to Fred in order to shut the old lady up.

I landed in Chicago with only an hour of sleep. Fricking old people. Fred kept snuggling up to me. Ugh! But Chicago Ohare looked very festive.

Then I looked out the window.

Fuck me! You see all that white stuff around the aircraft? That's snow. That's what happens when God says, "fuckit," and decided not to turn on the furnace in your neck of the woods. It was -7 degrees F.

To make matters worse, my flight to Indianapolis was on a small regional plane. The plane was so small that the jetway couldn't go all the way to the door. There was a 6 foot span from the jetway to the plane that used a plank. We had to cross this plank... in -7 degree weather... with 25mph gusts... brrrrr. the only protection I had against the elements was a hooded sweatshirt. It failed as soon as I stepped on the jetway.

At the end of the jetway, I found another guy, equally cool, huddled in a corner. "I'm waiting for the entrance to clear. I'm not gonna stand out in this weather." So we waited until the entrance cleared then did a scramble to get inside the aircraft.

Once inside, I found my seat. It was a small plane with 1X2 seating. I was seated by myself, without any Freds around. Life was good. The other passengers boarded and we were set to go. I sent a txt message to BB that we boarded on time and it looks like everything would go as scheduled.

Then the ground crew decided it was a good time to change the oil in the engines. Oh, they also mixed up the baggage so they had to waste time fixing that. Oh, and they had to deice the plane. I didn't notice any of the delays since I fell asleep, at peace, without Fred.

Forty-five minutes after our arrival time, we landed in Indiana.

My first views of Indianapolis.

Botany Babe's family home.

What's a furnace?

In an earlier blog entry about my trip to Minnesota, I had Machu Pichu's graduation photo. Yes, the one with her punk hair. This time, I found BB's grad photo. Screams "Hot Nerd" if you ask me. I love it.

BB introduced me to her mom. "Mom, he wants to know what to call you," BB asked.

"Well. Let's start with Milly for now until you tie the knot."

Heh. No pressure, eh?

Later that evening, BB and I were cuddling on the couch. Milly came out and took a picture of us. She reviewed the picture on her camera view finder. "Hmmm. It looked like she closed her eyes, but with him, I can't tell."

Steak N Shake, for you fans.

The next day we went out to Grandma's. Luckily it was no longer single-digit degree weather. It was 20 degrees. This is a fire. It's used to make things warm.

BB's little sister, Air, was the resident pyromaniac.

A local boy from Hawaii hiking in 20 degree weather.

Scuba Steve always wanted to be a Mallard Duck when he grew up.

This is the Cracker Barrel. Awesome pancakes. Huge breakfast menu. Smokey restaurant. They had a fireplace, and the smoke was coming into the restaurant instead of going up the chimney. Hickory smoked Nonwheezer.

The next day it was about 30 degrees. We encountered freezing rain when we had to bring BB's cousin to the airport.

Of course, freezing rain isn't too much of a problem if your car has a good defroster. Unfortunately, the defroster wasn't working right. No matter how much I tried to move the slider, the defroster wouldn't come on. So we had to stop a few times to scrape the ice off the windshield.

Then about 5 minutes from home, we started getting really hot inside the car. BB asked, "isn't there some other setting you could use to get the heat off our feet?"

I took a look. Wow! What do you know? The vent controls were buttons, not sliders. I was playing with the wrong thing the whole time we were out driving. One push of a button and the defroster came on. The windshield cleared in a few seconds. Our feet cooled down. BB gave me a look, but said nothing. She's great at not calling me an idiot even though it's implied.

My first encounter with butter nut squash.

Back at Grandma's for Christmas Eve. This time BB's maternal side of the family would be there, including her sister, Southern Drawl. Southern Drawl also brought along her husband, One Step, and their daughter, The Offspring. BB loved playing with The Offspring.

Great hiding spot.

Big dinner. Grandma makes a kick ass ham. I think she slow cooks it for four days.

After dinner, we headed for Midnight Mass. Here's BB with her brother. The whole family kept teasing him about his hair.

Last month, BB warned me that we would be attending mass. I joked that it would be easy to find me since I would be the only Asian in the church. Heh. Turned out I was right. As soon as I walked through the door, all eyes were on me. I think they knew who the heathen was.

They keep Baby Jesus locked behind bars in jail. Religion is a dangerous thing.

The next day we visited BB's paternal side of the family. Can you believe they could squeeze 200 people into this house?

"Mom. Dad. This is Larry Kroeger, the boy who molested me last month. We HAVE to get married."

Most evenings we would stay up late and chat with Air. One night while chatting, I leaned over and gave BB a big kiss. BB laughed and turned to Air. "I'm sorry Air. I know you don't like affection."

"But you do it ALL the time! You're soooo weird," Air exclaimed.

That became our catchphrase the rest of the trip.

Here's a parking structure at Purdue. This is where One Step proposed to Southern Drawl.

Purdue. If you clap in this circle, you'll hear a chirp for an echo.

We went out to eat with One Step and Southern Drawl at the Applebee's in this mall.

At the end of dinner, the waiter brought the tab. He took it upon himself to split the tabs. One Step looked them over and noticed they weren't correct. After a short discussion, we figured it out. "I know how he split it," I said. "All the non-whites are on one tab. (singing) One of these people are not like the others. One of these people doesn't belong..."

One Step called the waiter over and pointed out the mistake. The waiter apologized and went to fix the error. He returned and the new tabs were exactly like the old ones. We gave up and just sorted out the money amongst ourselves.

Right after dinner, BB and I walked to a nearby jewelry store. The salesgirl politely asked, "is there anything I can help you with?"

I held BB and said, "yes. We HAVE to get married in 7 months..."

The salesgirl looked speechless. BB spoke up. "He's kidding." They both laughed, and we started to look at the diamond jewelry.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the time is now 9:00 and the mall will be closing," said the disembodied voice on the PA.

"What? The mall is closing," I asked a saleslady. She replied in the affirmative. I took BB by the arm and said, "well tough luck, Babe. I guess you don't get anything." And we headed out the door.

"No no. We can stay open a bit longer. You have a brochure? Come back tomorrow, OK?" The saleslady tripped all over herself trying to make a sale. We had a nice chuckle as we left the mall.

Oh, the Adventure Follies people were hoping it would be cold and snowy while I was in Indiana to make up for all the times I spent the winter warm in Hawaii. Too bad for them it just got warmer and warmer the longer I stayed. It eventually hit 67 degrees.

We watched a movie about gay vampires.

BB's Purdue friend had a huge home. Her basement was larger than most people's houses. This is her closet.

And her bathroom. I love the shower.

BB's favorite relative and the maker of the best ham in the world.

Air found a knitting machine then spent the next 47 hours playing with it.

Abigail! The first day I arrived, this dog wouldn't come near me. Later, this dog wouldn't stay away. This dog would rather play with me than with BB. And she got these huge, soulful eyes. Cute dog. I wish we could take her home.

On the last day, BB passed out on the couch after lunch and slept for three hours. I think two weeks of Christmas activities caught up with her.

Indiana International. A new airport.

With a great view of the rising sun.

LAX.

We had a two hour layover in LAX, so my childhood rascal friend and his girlfriend came out to meet us. They were actually in Hawaii while I was in Indiana. He came over to visit me and was surprised I was in the mainland. Luckily he returned to LA the morning we were passing through, so we could all meet.

His girlfriend is a living saint. She must have infinite patience to cope with his wild and crazy antics. I heard she won his heart by buying him garbage bags for his apartment.