God Said Squiggy Can't Be Happy

A couple of weeks ago, the Band Teacher introduced me to one of her friends. We'll call her the Pharmacist. I found her to be rather cute and intelligent. However, me being me, I didn't make any advances.

Of course, you need to remember that every woman I found myself attracted to has some serious issue. Two girls turned out to be lesbians. Another turned out to be really a guy.

Anyway, the Band Teacher and I went to the movies last night. I was hoping the Pharmacist would come, but seeing as we were going to the last show, it was a long shot. Throughout the evening, while shopping and eating, I kept bringing up the Pharmacist. This kind of grated the Band Teacher's nerves. She was like, "just go over to her work place and ask her to lunch. Some girls actually like the spontaneity."

BTW, this is making me excited:


So after about 10 hours of convincing, I decided I would ask the Pharmacist to lunch. I got up this morning, stoked my courage, and drove to the mall. I went in to the pharmacy.

Me: Hi, is **** working?

Helen, my brother's co-worker's wife: No, not yet. She works the evening shift today.

Me: Figures. I was going to ask her to lunch.

God: (chuckles)

Helen: Oh, that's nice! She should be in soon. Why don't you come back and ask?

I go off to another store to buy shoes for my trip. I return to the pharmacy about 40 minutes later. Lucky me, I see the Pharmacist working at the window, so I don't have to announce my intentions to everyone working.

So I chatted with the Pharmacist for a bit. I made her laugh a few times. Then I took the leap.

Me: I came by here earlier looking for you. I wanted to ask you to lunch.

Pharmacist: Oh. I just got in about a half hour ago. I don't get a break for about 4 hours. (The clock in the store reads 11:55)

Me: So what is that, like 5? (wtf? All of a sudden I can't do math.)

Pharmacist: About 3:45-4:00. I'll call you. You have a cellphone?

Me: Yeah. My number is ***-****.

Pharmacist: OK. I'll give you a call.

God: (mutter mutter)

Given I had time to kill, I figured I would do more shopping, and also go to lunch with my brother. Of course, I only ate a wee bit. I had to buy some shorts since I only have two everyday shorts and I don't think running shorts would look good in Connecticut. I also planned on buying a new bike seat, and a Green Day CD that the Band Teacher was looking for.

Right after I picked out a pair of shorts, my phone rang.

Pharmacist: Hey, my co-worker can't come in today, so I need to take my lunch early before the others finish work. I'm just going to grab something here. Sorry.

God: Haha! Take that, ya fukker! (pumping fist in the air)

Then the sky blackened and the clouds opened. Torrents of rain came crashing down. Squiggy knelt on the ground, soaking wet, with outstretched arms reaching for the heavens screaming, "Why?!? Wwwwhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyy?!?"

Something like that.