Introducing: Botany Babe... (and a weird guy dancing)

An earthquake hit California. A hurricane hit Texas.

What's going on? Seems like the world might end? It's probably my fault. You see, I met a girl. Her name is Botany Babe. We seem to be hitting it off well. I like her, and I'm pretty sure she likes me.

I mean... she bought me a CAR! How's that for a gift? The only thing I bought her was a scented candle and some ice cream. The way to a man's heart is a really cool mode of conveyance.












It's a Shelby Cobra. Heh.





It all started on out second date. We had time to kill before our movie (Mamma Mia) started, so I took Botany Babe to Walmart. I told her I would buy her a gift. Anything she wanted, as long as it was $1.89 give or take a few cents. She was leaning toward soaps, but then she found the scented candles.

On a later date, she said it was my turn to get a gift. We went into Long's and she set the price at $1.78. I headed for the Sanrio goods, but that was way out of the price range. I thought I would end up with something like sponges and cleaning supplies, when lo and behold, we ran into the toy section. Hot Wheels for $1.79. Sweet!



In other news, I was dancing in the canefield again when I totally remembered this video. Enjoy.

Rave Biker (31 year old English Teacher dances)

Two Turkeys on a Ride

Squiggy the sex offender flashes for Lauren.


"Great. Now we're trapped in here," said Gsxrgirrrl in a non-ending string of complaints.


Gsxrgirrrl found a dandelion to blow. In a related incident, Squiggy got pelted by dandelion seeds and spittle.


Squiggy still can't wear Women's Small.


"But," he said . . .


Gsxrgirrrl collapses after riding one handed for 20 minutes holding her fairing then wrenching it back on. "My butt looks big," she proclaimed.

Foreign Food

It's been a while since Biker Teacher tried to get a date. He wasn't feeling too marketable after failing to even get a response from the Drug Pusher. But his feelings of rejection started to disappear when he met The Blonde.

The Blonde is an athletic girl. She showed some of her abilities during one of those ridiculous "team building" activities employers make you do. Seems like once word got out that Japanese companies made their workers do calisthenics, everyone in the world wanted to jump on the bandwagon and do crazy stuff too. She also talked about how she jogs every morning before work. It shows too. The Blonde is very fit and firm.

However, while a firm body evokes feelings in the nether regions, a great mind provides much fodder for fantasies. The Blonde’s brains provides a cornucopia of lust-fuel. It turns out that The Blonde possesses an advanced college degree. Not only beauty, but brains as well. A great two-pronged attack.

And yet, smarts and a bod may not always be enough. You got to have personality. And once again, The Blonde does not disappoint. Although she is inexperienced, she shows passion for her work. She also demonstrates the go-for-broke attitude made famous by the 442. She’s running into a few snags, but she’s still determined to be a success.

The Blonde is also a beer girl. Some girls are prissy and only drink wine coolers. Others are uppity and only drink wine. Others are ultra-feminine and insist on drinking colorful drinks that come with an umbrella. Beer girls are down to earth. They know how to enjoy themselves without being caught up in appearances. They exude self confidence.

Another way self confidence shows is through eating habits. If a girl is not afraid to eat in front of a guy, then you know she’s not going to be the type who will BS you. At the local pizzeria, The Blonde easily ate the most out of all of the table-mates, and also drank two Heinekens.

Biker Teacher was smitten. If The Blonde was a car, she would have had 300 horsepower, turbo charged, rear wheel drive, race suspension, a great stereo system, bucket seats, and still get 42 miles per gallon. With such a prize before him, Biker Teacher mustered his courage and searched for his danglies, since they shriveled in fear, and approached The Blonde.

“If you’re free this week, I’d like to take you out and buy you dinner,” said Biker Teacher.

“I’m sorry. I’m so busy. I don’t even have time to think about going out. Plus, I’m not sure I feel comfortable with you buying,” was The Blonde’s reply.

“If a guy asks a girl to dinner, shouldn’t he pay?”

“Yeah, but I have a boy friend. Would it be ok if we go Dutch?”

“Dutch? I don’t think so. I think I’d rather eat local food. Maybe I’ll call you again sometime.”

And the Biker Teacher went home to walk his dog in the rain.