English 101

Today was the day Girl-Friend's research project was due. Just so you know, Girl-Friend wasn't Biker Teacher's girlfriend. Instead, she was friend who happened to be female. Now if that teenager description doesn't explain the situation, Girl-Friend and Biker Teacher had a platonic relationship. Which means, although Biker Teacher found Girl-Friend attractive, he stood no chance of getting any play because he looked like Thurlug the Orc.

Although Biker Teacher had long since graduated from college, and even completed an extra bout of accredited lobotomies, he was there at the school. He had a vested interest in Girl-Friend's research project. He had spent the week editing her paperwork. It was important for him to see if his expository writing skills were still butterknife sharp.

And he also saw a picture of Research Partner. Rawr!

Research Partner was a petite, lightly tanned, young Asian woman. She had a nice smile, and brown hair, which was a result of a stylish bleaching. But most importantly, she was single.

Biker Teacher skipped over to meet Girl-Friend in the college library. Normally men don't skip. However, since he possessed a college degree, and the other lesser male college students didn't, he felt it ok to be a little whimsical.

"How did it go?" he asked, with a slight pant.

"Not sure yet," was the reply. "But our professor is the type to lower your grade if the formatting is off."

Biker Teacher rubbed his scruffy, scarred chin. "Ah yes. I had professors like that before. They were called 'bitches.'"

Girl-Friend chuckled, then her attention was drawn elsewhere. "There's Research Partner. She's coming over."

An Asian goddess appeared before Biker Teacher. His mind fumbled with words. Do he prostate himself? Prostate? He wondered why he thought of the little rectal walnut instead of prostrate.

"What is he doing?" Research Partner inquired.

"Don't worry. He does that when he's lost in thought. Hey, Biker Teacher. Wake up."

Biker Teacher's mind still raced with a million things to say. He finally settled on being romantic, which, to those on the receiving end, could be fatal.

Biker Teacher assumed his best Rico Suave look and managed to utter a string of mangled thoughts. "So you must be Research Partner. Girl-Friend told me about you. But I can see now that she grossly over-stated your beauty."

"Excuse me?" Research Partner furrowed her brow.

"That means you're pretty. Maybe you should take some English classes. It might help you. And if you get stuck with the larger words, I can help out," Biker Teacher was eager to offer his services.

It was at this point that Girl-Friend tried to use her powers of invisibility for selfish reasons. She camouflaged herself as best she could next to the bulletin board covered with ads. She knew better than to associate herself with Biker Teacher once he gets on a roll.

Research Girl turned away from Biker Teacher and faced the translucent Girl-Friend. "I have our project board done and was about to..."

"I heard you were single and desperate. Want to get a coffee?" Biker Teacher interrupted.

Research Partner took a deep breath, grit her teeth, and rolled her eyes. Her lightly tanned complexion took on a reddish hue.

He continued unabated, "I heard you're a single parent. That must be tough. Mr. Esquire says I would make a good father."

"Oh really now," said Research Partner with obvious disbelief.

Girl-Friend was using her 14th level Hide in Shadows skill and was just a few yards from the exit now.

"Yes," Biker Teacher stated boldly, "in fact, Mr. Esquire said I should do my utmost to give your kid a baby brother or sister."

Girl-Friend slipped out the door unnoticed.

Research Partner clenched her fists tightly at her sides. She spoke through her teeth as she scowled. "Look, I don't know who you are..."

"Biker Teacher."

"Or where you came from..."

"The westside."

"Or what you're doing here..."

"Trying to get a date with you."

"But it will be a cold day in Hell when I go out on a date with you!" She stomped her foot, punched the bulletin board, and kicked open the door as she stormed out.

Biker Teacher skipped out of the library. He found Girl-Friend waiting just outside. She seemed confused by the look of victory on his face. He leaned over and whispered in her ear.

"I've got a date for winter solstice."