How's Tricks?

Last night I went to dinner with my friend Machu Pichu. We had a burger and some fries, then headed to her place to surf the internet for cheap air tickets. Of course this is risky given all the problems the airline industries are suffering...

At her house, her dog, Honey, kept following me around like a crack addict school girl follows a stranger with candy. So I scratched her behind the ears. Then I felt guilty and dirty. I have a dog too, and playing with other people's dogs makes me feel like I'm cheating on a monogamous relationship. But I got over it and went to the bathroom. Honey followed me again. Why can't I get human females to be so interested in me?

After I was done marking my territory, I figured I would test Honey on how well trained she was.

"Sit."

Honey sat.

"Beg."

Honey begged.

"Speak."

Honey spoke.

"Change the oil in my car."

Honey changed the oil in my car but forgot to tighten the oil filter an extra 1/2 turn after gasket contact.

"Do my taxes."

Honey stared with a blank look.

"You didn't do your taxes yet," Machu Pichu asked.

"Oh, I did," I replied," but I wanted to see Honey do it."

Honey still had a blank look.

Which just goes to show you, boys and girls, that you can't teach an old dog new tricks.