Sophmoric Sophistry

"Parting is such sweet sorrow... but meeting you is better than not having met you at all." That line was on an 8th grade girl's folder.

Funny thing, these middle schoolers are. They're children on the verge of becoming young adults. Having said that, they're mostly in limbo. They're learning the norms and etiquette of being an adult, but they're still clinging to, and basing life on, their childhood.

You see, many adults end up dismissing the social behavior of middle schoolers. They feel it is beneath them. Not worthy of adult attention. Much the same way, adults tend to overlook middle schooler feelings and emotions. I once shared a poem written by an 8th grade girl with some friends. The only thing those adults could do was point out how naive the author was. But is it naivete or just a fresh outlook on a future life?

I think one of the wonderful things about my profession is that I get to deal with people who are not yet jaded in society. They haven't been stifled by society's rules and roles. They're still at that stage in life where they wonder just why do they have to wear shoes to a fancy restaurant.

So when you come down from the ivory tower, you can actually learn a lot from a kid. Kids live life with passion. They don't realize that they're doing it, but they are. And that's one thing adults always bemoan. They always wish they had more passion in their lives.

You see, when kids are happy, they're not afraid to show it. They will smile from ear to ear. They will laugh out loud. They will dance and sing. Hoot and holler. All those things.

When they are angry, they let everyone know. They don't hide it. They will scream. They will scowl and clench their teeth. Their hands would be balled up in fists. And sometimes they cry.

When they're sad, they cry. They hug each other for support. They will actually tell you that they are feeling sad.

And when they're in love, that's an incredible thing to watch too. They act awkwardly embarrassed in front of the object of their affections. They will give their favs gifts. They do nice things for each other. And sometimes, they will do those things in front of their friends, risking ridicule.

How many of us adults can say that we live life as passionately as a middle schooler?

The only hearty laugh I recently produced was the result of a girl tickling my ribs. And the only time I heard her laugh as hard was when I tried to smell her feet... and gave her the "Portagee Torture". How sad is my life that I don't laugh like that more often?

Have I been so angry I had to scream? No. OK, wait. I've been frustrated to the point where I did have to scream.

I've also been sad enough that I, a grown man, got teary eyed. But could I do that in front of others? Could I grab my friends and hold them tight and share their pain? Stupid adult male role. Doesn't allow one to be too emotional.

And how about love? Oh boy that's a doozy. Let's just say that I've spoken and acted in ways which adults would consider weird... by their own constricted standards.

I haven't even told you the secret to all this. Just what is it that allows these middle schoolers to live so passionately? Memory. Or lack of it.

They don't think of the future in terms of years. They think of the future in terms of days. They don't think of the past in years either, but in days too. So any consequence, such as ridicule, only lasts a short time. Any hurt that they feel, is but a passing irritant. It's like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. Once he realized there was no future, he lived each day like it was the last day of his life.

The kids do that too. Though not on purpose.

Once again, I've probably gone way off the point. But hey, I felt like writing, so dammit, I'll write. It's my prerogative, and I'm gonna forget all the snide remarks come tomorrow. Heh.

BTW, underneath that bit of philosophy on the folder, the girl wrote, "I poop rainbows."

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Those little phuckers...

This is the kind of stuff I have to put up with at work:

Over the weekend, I thought about changing my wardrobe. I looked into the possibility of wearing long-sleeve dress shirts and possibly ties. I figured it would really throw the kids for a loop, and it would also make me look like the professional I pretend to be. Luckily I decided to forgo the tie. It gets really, really hot where I work.



So I walk into school wearing my black Dockers and a light blue dress shirt. Every single kid I passed had the same question.

"Are you going to a funeral?"



Out here in the toenail of the United States, the number one occasion for dressing up is a funeral. It's normally too hot to wear dress shirts unless you work in air conditioned heaven all day. Even the government officials and politicians wear aloha wear.

The other day some girls were talking about who they liked during recess. I try to pay attention to these things for three reasons. One, it helps you deal with social problems if you know who likes who. Two, the kids build a better relationship with you if you show interest in their lives. And three, I'm just plain nosy.

Girl: Hey Mr. Nonwheezer. You're always asking about who we like, but you don't seem to be interested in getting a girlfriend.

Mr. Nonwheezer: Actually I am interested. It's just that girls aren't interested in me.

Boy: Of course girls would be interested in Mr. Nonwheezer. He has a motorcycle. If I had a motorcycle, I would be checking out all the chicks.

Mr. Nonwheezer: You do realize that all the girls around me are thirteen, right?

Boy: SO?

Girl: We're 12.

Mr. Nonwheezer: sigh...



Today I was giving directions on making bibliographies. I had been speaking a lot that day, so I may not have been speaking as clear as I normally do.

A girl in the front said, "Hey Mr. Nonwheezer. You sound gay when you talk like that."

sigh...



The other day in computer class, I was describing parts of the computer and passing around hardware samples. A kid asked, "is it ok to lick the circuit boards?"



This week my grades were due. I explained to the kids the grading system I used. Of course I joked about it at first saying that my favorite students got A's.

"Except this girl. This girl is not one of my favorites, yet she still got an A. However, she has the capability to become one of my greatest students. But right now she's like Darth Vader..." I was cut off before I could finish.

The girl I was speaking about asked rather abruptly, "who the fuck is Darth Vader?"

"Darth Vader! I mean, come on. Darth Vader! Star Wars? Back in the 70s there were huge lines to see the first movie? Hello?"

A smart alec boy responded with a smug voice, "you mean the FOURTH movie."

...



Mr. Nonwheezer: OK kids, this here is a flash drive. This is my personal flash drive, so don't break it. You break it, you have to buy me a new one. They're really expensive. I think this one would be about $19 now."

Boy: Nineteen dollars isn't that much. But then again, with the size of your paycheck, $19 would be expensive.

Mr. Nonwheezer: gee. thanks...



The funny thing is that all of this happened in one week. While teaching can really suck, with the stupid paperwork, the ridiculous laws, the unrealistic expectations, the low pay, etc, it's these little gems that keep the job interesting. I don't think you'll find as many candid little quips in any other job.

And how can you not get a kick out of teaching when a girl digs through your desk to find your toy stash then shouts across the room, "Mr. Nonwheezer, can I play with your balls?"