Vote for Pedro and Other Subversive Ideas: review

It's time for another installment of Nonwheezer's Movie Reviews!

Let's just jump in with both feet:

Tough guys push hard to get their balls through the rim.

A bunch of sailors and divers take it in deep.

Kungfu tough guys whacking and beating each other.

Teenagers do a hole a day.

Women are nuts.

Ichabod checks out a chick's hollow while a hessian goes out and looks for head.

A genius nerd is thinking about entering a hole.

Some guys go down and some chicks get eaten.

Some high schoolers play in a friend's hole.

A couple spend good money to play with tools in the privacy of their home.

A bunch of young fire-eaters wait for their chance to get into someones hole.

Farm girls use a well to create dykes.

Two guys tie the knot, then break up.

A preppy and an outcast fight for a girl's valley.

***See? It's not all penis humor. I hope you saw the connection.

Odd, but when I did a search on Yahoo.. for "cool movies," it kept asking me if I meant "cool gay movies."

Bourne Identity: Remake of Jackie Chan's Who Am I?

Conan: Half naked bad a$$ killing Darth Vader with a big sword.

Demolition Man: They got the idea for the lame San Angeles from NY's ban of trans-fat.

Escape from New York: Accurate documentary of NYC circa 1980.

5th Element: Cabbie Harry Canyon saves the world. Again.

Formula 51: It's fake.

The Professional (aka Leon): Retard with a gun saves Queen Amidala

Over the Top: . . . they beat me to it.

The Patriot: Anti-semite also hates WASPs.

Point Break: You would think Neo, Dalton, and Tank Girl could make a winner using surfing and guns. You would think...

Ronin: De Niro is the man! But what's in the case?

Starship Troopers: 3,406,105 rounds fired. Three hit. Neil Patrick Harris as Fuehrer Doogie Hauser MD.

Top Gun: Scientologist shooting down French armed bad guys while flying his Tomkat.

The Warriors: Another award-winning documentary of the Big Apple.

Witness: I don't know why people want to fuk with the Amish. Leave them be.

12 Angry Men: Twelve angry men in 1 room. Not guilty.

Boogie Nights: Girls, save time and just skip to the last scene.

Contact: The world spends $100 Gajillion so Jodie can visit her father.

Lord of the Flies: True story of Mrs. Klein's 5th grade field trip gone bad.

Pearl Harbor: Couldn't think of a more romantic setting for a love story than the carnage after the Day That Will Live in Infamy.

Seven Years in Tibet: Tyler Durden goes to Nepal to start a fight club. He gets whooped by the Dalai Lama.

or

So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald, striking. So I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one. Big hitter, the Lama. Long. Into a 10,000 foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama said? Gunga galunga. Gunga, gungagalunga. So we finish the 18th and he's going to stiff me. And I say, "hey Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that going for me, which is nice.