Dinner X3 with a Movie

Last time I tried to cook dinner for Botany Babe, it came out bland... a fact she has never let me forget. So to redeem myself, I vowed to cook her a good meal.

But first, there was a movie to see.

BB: Hey, what do you want to do tonight?

Nonwheezer: I don't know. Maybe we can just hang out and suck face?

BB: The new Jet Li movie came out.

NW: Really? Oh! Hmmm....!

BB: Hehe.

NW: Oh... I told Machu Pichu we would go and visit her this week. Wait. What if we go and see her before we go to the movie?

BB: OK. That sounds good.

NW: Yeah. Let me call her and let her know we're coming. I'll get her to cook us dinner too. She likes to barbecue.

(later...)

NW: Hey MP, what are you doing tomorrow night?

MP: Nothing. Why?

NW: BB and I will come over to your place.

MP: OK. What time?

NW: Oh, I figure about 6. We'll be going to the movies later. I would invite you along, but it's a Jet Li movie, and you hate kung fu.

MP: Yeah. 6? You guys want to have dinner?

NW: I thought you'd never ask.

MP: Haha! Yeah, right. So chicken?

NW: Nah. Steak. I plan on cooking chicken for BB for my second try.

MP: Steak? You gonna buy the steak for me?

NW: No.

MP: Bastard.

(that evening...)

I headed over to BB's place after dinner. We stayed in and watched a movie and sucked face.



The next evening we went over to MP's place and had steaks. After that, we headed to the movies.



Jet Li in the Mummy, yeah!

... errr.... no...

The movie sucked. Right off the bat, the movie was already putting me off. First, they said the first emperor of China, Qin Shi Huangdi, buried dead workers in the Great Wall. Um, you can't build a sturdy fortification with organic corpses that can rot away, weakening your structure.

Second, the picture they showed of the Great Wall...



Was really the Ming Wall, built over 1500 years later.

When I pointed out these errors, BB said, "you're so sexy when you talk history." Heh. I love her.

If you get free tickets to watch this movie, scalp them. When the movie was done, all I could think was that it was a waste of Jet Li. BB agreed saying that they really didn't need Jet Li to kick Brendan Fraser's ass. They could have gotten some random person to do that.

The following day, I took BB to the grocery store. It was dinner attempt #2. However, it figured that the store wouldn't have the kind of chicken I was looking for.



Chicken... how hard could it be to find chicken breasts?

I found some chicken patties and suggested dinner ala school lunch. BB just gave me a look. Pass on that idea.

So we ate out. Imu Hut. Good teri-fried chicken. If you're ever in Hanapepe, HI, try this place.



To make up for the lame movie, we watched another kung fu movie. This time with Jackie Chan. And even better, the bullshit in this movie was purely intentional.



BTW, dinner attempt #3 was successful. Baked chicken breast. heh.

Watch That Floor

I fell asleep on the floor last night. That's never a good thing. Now I feel like writing.

I recently bought the movie Enchanted with Patrick Dempsey. It was pretty good. I liked it. I think there was an article on how Dempsey is a rediscovered hottie. I wouldn't know since I'm not gay. However, people still insist that I might be gay, and even girls I've slept with suspect I'm a homosexual. I guess I was that lousy. But I digress.

Anyway, I was thinking about Dempsey in a non-Tony Curtis way, and I remembered two of his older movies. Loverboy and Can't Buy Me Love. I figured I would try and look up those movies to see if I could watch them again. Doing a search for Loverboy turned up music stuff, of course, but I did get a hit on youtube for Can't Buy Me Love.

When I followed the link, I found out that someone posted the entire movie. Sweet! But then I got distracted. That same person also posted the movie Girls Just Want To Have Fun. That movie starred Helen Hunt and Sarah Jessica Parker when she was young and mildly attractive. And that movie led me to Cyndi Lauper.

I have to say that Cyndi Lauper was one of (still is) the greatest female vocalists ever. Time after Time? Everyone and their sister does a cover of that song. Most of them suck compared to the original. It's like doing a cover of Open Arms. You can never top the original, so don't embarrass yourself.

Then I came across I Drove All Night. Three versions, to be exact. Roy Orbison, Cyndi Lauper, and Celine Dion.



The Man. Roy Orbison. The coolest legally-blind mofo. I give his version a 9 out of 10. Although the song is originally his, his version wasn't released until after Lauper's cover version became a big hit. But something about his voice and style rocks. And this video kicks ass. It's simple, but is full of passion. I figure that is the point of the song. Someone so in love that they would drive all night long to be with the one they love. Jason Priestly and Jennifer Connelly did an excellent job in convincing me they were in love.



I have to give this version a 10 out of 10. I just love Lauper's style. The video is meh though. Apparently, when the video first came out, it caused controversy since it shows her naked. Forward 20 years and I didn't even notice.

I know a girl who would totally match wearing Lauper's 80's collection.

(Dion's version would go here if it didn't suck.)

Crap Karaoke bar version. Nuff Said.

Oh, and I'm afraid of big spiders.

Wax On, Wax Off

OK, this started as a post on a forum, but I think it's safe to post this as a blog entry. TG= Tattoo Girl= an incredible blonde. Machu Pichu= another blonde that likes to barge her way into my life.
********************

I made the appointment for wax and massages for 2:00 today (Saturday). I went bike riding in the morning since it's been nearly 2 months since I rode on the mountain.

I picked up TG around 1:45 and we headed down to the spa. The wax girl was waiting for us. She was an attractive hapa (half Japanese, half white) girl. She led us to another cabin where the waxing stuff was located. I laid on a table and the girl described what she was going to do. TG agreed with the girl's recommendations, so I said, "well since she's the one dating me, I'll go with what she said."

The waxing wasn't so bad. The only part that hurt was when the girl used tweezers. She also noticed TG's back tattoo and they started talking about it. Turns out the wax girl has cherry blossoms tattooed on her back.

"Am I the only one without a tattoo," I asked.

"Yeah, it's pretty rare now days to not have a tattoo. That just makes you unique," replied TG.

TG was pleased with how the waxing turned out. The wax girl also said it looked good. I guess they're right. It does make my eyes look bigger, which helps since I got them small asian eyes. I just lament the loss of my Sonny Chiba brows.

After that, we were led to the massage area. Since I requested a couple's massage, they had set up two massage tables on the lanai of the massage cabin. The masseuses instructed us to disrobe, put on a sarong, and lay on the table face down. They said that if we wanted our hips and gluts massaged, we should remove our undergarments. Then they left. I had to pee, so I went to the bathroom. When I got back, TG was already undressed and on the table. She was all smiles as I did a little strip tease in front of her. When I got to my underwear, I asked if I should get my gluts massaged. She pretty much said that since we were here... So I dropped the boxer-briefs. I think TG dug that. I grabbed the sarong and wrapped it around me and jumped on the table. I didn't mind being naked in front of TG, but the blinds around the lanai covered from the roof to about waist high. Anyone in the area could see my willy. (TG tricked me into thinking she was nude. She kept her panties on. Minx.)

The massage itself was good. I can see why some people go to spas often. When it was done, I was super mellow mellow. Kind of like floating. And no, I did not need a happy ending. In fact, it didn't feel sexual at all.

Then we went riding to Koloa, and then TG suggested we catch the matinée since it was too early for dinner.

It was in Koloa that TG confessed. She had looked up and peeked when the girl was massaging my ass. She said it looked hot. I think the massage went to her brain. I've seen my ass in a mirror. I wasn't impressed. As she looked at my ass being massaged, the masseuse looked at her and winked. When she told me that, I felt degraded like a piece of meat. Which means I loved it, of course heh.

We were too early for the movie we wanted to see, so we headed to Starbucks for a drink. We chatted a bit and shared a cookie, then we headed back to the cinema.

We watched Horton Hears a Who. Is there anything cuter than TG laughing in the movies? The movie was also pretty good. I thought Steve Carell did an excellent job. Now I wonder if I can convince/trick TG into watching Indiana Jones and Speed Racer with me.

After the movie we went to dinner. TG suggested Mexican. I said I never had it, but I'd try it. Funny thing is that when Machu Pichu requested Mexican on one of our lunches, I flat out declined and went for Korean instead. Guess that shows how they rank on the Nonwheezer-scale. hehe. TG, if you don't hear from me, check MP's trunk.

Turns out I did have Mexican food before. I guess I just misunderstood the whole Mexican food thing. I figured it would be Mexican CUISINE. Much like how you can have Chinese take-out, and Chinese cuisine. But TG put me straight. Mexican take-out and cuisine is the same thing. And to fully immerse myself in the Mexican culture, I had a Corona.

Back at TG's place, I drank nearly a gallon of water. I don't know what the deal was. I think the beer/burrito combo made me thirsty. We sat down and watched an independent movie called Close Your Eyes. It was meh. But having a warm TG snuggled up next to me made the movie more enjoyable than Star Wars: A New Hope, a movie TG confessed never seeing all the way through.

Did I mention I took every opportunity to smell TG's hair? Yeah, I'm a freak like that, but even after 9 hours, her hair smelled divine.

Oh, TG owes me lunch.

Aren't You Glad I Didn't Say, "Banana?"

It's time for another installment of Nonwheezer's Movie Reviews!

Let's just jump in with both feet:



Tough guys push hard to get their balls through the rim.



A bunch of sailors and divers take it in deep.



Kungfu tough guys whacking and beating each other.



Teenagers do a hole a day.



Women are nuts.



Ichabod checks out a chick's hollow while a hessian goes out and looks for head.



A genius nerd is thinking about entering a hole.



Some guys go down and some chicks get eaten.



Some high schoolers play in a friend's hole.



A couple spend good money to play with tools in the privacy of their home.



A bunch of young fire-eaters wait for their chance to get into someones hole.



Farm girls use a well to create dykes.



Two guys tie the knot, then break up.



A preppy and an outcast fight for a girl's valley.


***See? It's not all penis humor. I hope you saw the connection.

A Manly Blank

So I'm sitting here blank again.



It's odd. I change my life routine and all of a sudden I get writer's block. I can't think of shit to write.



Maybe I should write about happy things. Things that make me smile.



Maybe describing the colors of a rainbow.



Or maybe magical fairies.



Oh wait. Bad idea. Man, that was so gay.



OK, time for some anti-gay karma. Maybe I should think of stuff like Movies for Guys Who Like Movies. Tough guys stuff. That should make me manly.



Maybe I could put together some kind of special group of tough guys. These guys would represent all that is testosterone and sweat.

We could start with a burly construction worker.



Add in a cowboy. Cowboys like William Muny rule.



We should include a cop. To serve and protect. It's a tough job.



A noble savage would match too.



Oh oh. And a rough and tough marine.



And a biker. Can't get more male than a biker.



Put them all together and you'd have the dream team all-star lineup of men, right?



Shit. Guess I missed on that one.

Let me try this again.

Let's take Blade, the vampire killer.



Add in Dalton from Roadhouse.



And the drug lord, Victor Rosa.



We're surely to get a hairy-chested macho movie, right?



DAMMIT!

OK, one last try.

Mad Max, the post-apocalyptic Road Warrior. Drives a souped up car and beats the crap out of mohawked bad guys.



Also shaves his legs and waxes.



FUDGE!

I give up.

The Great Lessons of Life: As told by Real Genius

Real Genius (1985) starring Val Kilmer. It was a movie that gave Kilmer boost in Hollywood. It was a movie embraced by nerds and commonfolk alike.



This movie follows two teenaged geniuses as they try to survive through college. They have to perfect a powerful laser as their final project. Along the way, they have to deal with a devious professor and a jealous classmate. Oh, and the Air Force gets involved too.

But the real genius of Real Genius is the little life lessons hidden within the great dialogue. Many people discount this movie as a geek movie, but it is right up there with the other greats such as Apocalypse Now.




Jordan: Are you going to take me home to meet your parents?
Mitch: No, I don't think so
.Jordan: Why? Are you ashamed of me?
Mitch: No, them.
Jordan: Oh.
You should never have friends you're ashamed of. Parents, on the other hand, you got no choice in the matter.


Lazlo Hollyfeld: Did you wanna borrow my pajamas?
Real friends are willing to give you the shirt off their back, or their pajamas. Whichever.


Lazlo Hollyfeld: How did you do?
Chris Knight: I passed... then I failed.
Lazlo Hollyfeld: Then I'm happy... and sad for you.
You don't always have to win to be the victor.




Chris Knight: You see Mitch, I used to be you. Lately I've been missing me so I asked Dr. Hathaway if I could room with me again and he said sure.
It's nice when friends share common interests, hobbies, activities.


[Chris is holding a lab beaker with pink liquid in it]
Chris Knight: Here Mitch taste this. Too sweet?
Mitch: No... what is it?
Chris Knight: I don't know, I found it in one of the labs.
[Mitch starts to wipe out his mouth]
Chris Knight: I'm just kidding. It's yogurt.
It's great to trust your friends, but make sure you look before you leap. They may be playing pranks on you.




Mitch: This is coherent light.
Mitch's dad: Oh, so it talks.
Sometimes people won't understand what you say, but it's ok.


[last lines]
'Ick' Ikagami: Do you think it's getting weird around here?
Chris Knight: Absolutely.
It's ok to have some weirdness. Weirdness makes life fun. It's the absence of weirdness that should be considered scary.




Chris Knight: Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, "I drank what?"
You're not the first one who has problems, and you won't be the last. Try talking to someone. They may know what you're going through, or how to help.


[Chris Knight is trying to hit on Susan, a beautiful woman he finds in Professor Hathaway's house]
Chris Knight: So, if there's anything I can do for you, or, more to the point, to you, you just let me know.
Susan: Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?
Chris Knight: Not right now.
Susan: A girl's gotta have her standards.
[She walks out]
This is why I am single.




Professor Hathaway: Mitch, will you miss your friends?
Mitch: Well, no. I think I intimidate other kids.
Professor Hathaway: Good boy.
And this is why I have few friends.


Professor Hathaway: What are you looking at? You're laborers; you should be laboring. That's what you get for not having an education.
Study hard so you don't have to work at some dick's house.




Chris Knight: If you think that by threatening me you can get me to do what you want... Well, that's where you're right. But - and I am only saying that because I care - there's a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing.
There is nothing wrong with licking boot. Bow down and kiss arse. Nope, nothing wrong with it if the owner of said boot and arse is in a position of power over you. (or is hot)


[to Chris]
Mitch: We have to get back at Dr. Hathaway, it's a moral imperative.
However, after you lick boot, you need to find some sort of revenge/vent/closure or you'll pop.




Mitch: You know, um, something strange happened to me this morning...
Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid, with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch: No...
Chris Knight: Why, am I the only one who has that dream?
Glad to know I'm not the only one with wacky dreams. Everyone has some weird thing going on in their head. That doesn't make them less than normal.


[Mitch Taylor speaking through the microphone so that Kent hears voices in his head]
Mitch: And from now on, stop playing with yourself.
Kent: It is God.
God likes to watch us masturbate.




[In the men's room]
Jordan: Are you peeing?
Mitch: Uh, I can't start.
Jordan: Because I'm here?
Mitch: I think so.
Jordan: Weird. Well I have to go.
Mitch: Me too.
There it is! That is an example of the unspoken rule of urinals!


Professor Hathaway: I want to see more of you around the lab.
Chris Knight: Fine. I'll gain weight.
Work smarter, not harder. Saves you effort.


Chris Knight: You didn't touch anything, did you?
Mitch: No.
Chris Knight: Good. Because all of my filth is arranged in alphabetical order. This, for instance, is under 'H' for "toy.
Mitch: What is it?
Chris Knight: It's a penis stretcher. Do you want to try it?
Mitch: No.
Chris Knight: I'm just kidding. It's yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility.
Some of us think and learn in different ways. One person's mess may be another person's spatial organizational system. And penis toys make long diversions.




Chris Knight: Look at it this way. Considering the type of people you are and the environment you're in, you have to admit the strong possibility this may be the only chance you ever have in your entire lives... to have sex.
Yet another reason I am single. Sigh...




Jordan: I never sleep, I don't know why. I had a roommate and I drove her nuts, I mean really nuts, they had to take her away in an ambulance and everything. But she's okay now, but she had to transfer to an easier school, but I don't know if that had anything to do with being my fault. But listen, if you ever need to talk or you need help studying just let me know, 'cause I'm just a couple doors down from you guys and I never sleep, okay?
True friends are always there for you. Even 24 hours a day. Try and call a friend at 3AM to see how true a friend they are.


Professor Hathaway: When you first started at Pacific Tech you were well on your way to becoming another Einstein and then you know what happened?
Chris Knight: I got a haircut?
It's ok to let your hair down so long as people don't mistake you for someone else.


Chris Knight: Moles and trolls, moles and trolls, work, work, work, work, work. We never see the light of day. We plan this thing for weeks and all they want to do is study. I'm disgusted. I'm sorry but it's not like me, I'm depressed. There was what, no one at the mutant hamster races and we had one entry into the Madame Curie look-alike contest and he was disqualified later. Why do I bother?
All work and no play...




[Looking at Dr. Meredith's bunny slippers, then his own]
Chris Knight: May I say, sir, I admire your taste in footwear.
Be yourself. Don't try to conform if it hurts your identity of self.