A Manly Blank

So I'm sitting here blank again.



It's odd. I change my life routine and all of a sudden I get writer's block. I can't think of shit to write.



Maybe I should write about happy things. Things that make me smile.



Maybe describing the colors of a rainbow.



Or maybe magical fairies.



Oh wait. Bad idea. Man, that was so gay.



OK, time for some anti-gay karma. Maybe I should think of stuff like Movies for Guys Who Like Movies. Tough guys stuff. That should make me manly.



Maybe I could put together some kind of special group of tough guys. These guys would represent all that is testosterone and sweat.

We could start with a burly construction worker.



Add in a cowboy. Cowboys like William Muny rule.



We should include a cop. To serve and protect. It's a tough job.



A noble savage would match too.



Oh oh. And a rough and tough marine.



And a biker. Can't get more male than a biker.



Put them all together and you'd have the dream team all-star lineup of men, right?



Shit. Guess I missed on that one.

Let me try this again.

Let's take Blade, the vampire killer.



Add in Dalton from Roadhouse.



And the drug lord, Victor Rosa.



We're surely to get a hairy-chested macho movie, right?



DAMMIT!

OK, one last try.

Mad Max, the post-apocalyptic Road Warrior. Drives a souped up car and beats the crap out of mohawked bad guys.



Also shaves his legs and waxes.



FUDGE!

I give up.

Magical Crooner

I'll let you in on a secret. I have magical powers.

Tonight, while driving home from a cross country bike ride, I used my powers. I haven't used my magic since I made a car disappear in one of my motorcycle videos. This time I used it to make me sound just like Peabo Bryson.



I swear, once I started singing, you couldn't tell the difference between me and Peabo. I didn't just stop there too. I also channeled my powers to make my voice sound just like Sergio Mendez.



Sorry. YouTube didn't have a music video.

If you were in my car you would have been amazed. Unfortunately, my magical powers don't work when people are watching. It's like that Invisible Boy from the Mystery Men whose powers of invisibility only worked when no one was watching.



Yeah, I know I'm selfish. I know I shouldn't use magic for my personal amusement. But I just can't help it. It can be so much more fun to use magic. At times, it can just help my self esteem.

When no one is around, this is how I look like on my bike. I used my powers to give me major knee-dragging skills and to make my v-twin SV into a cream-your-shorts Ducati.



When I workout in my room to build muscles, I turn into the Hulk. Just don't get me angry. You won't like it when I'm angry.



If I'm just goofing off, I may transmogrify to a martial artist. You should see me do kata and stuff. I know kung fu!



Sometimes I scare myself with my powers. I fear I may abuse them. Like when I wake up and look in the mirror.



But the scariest abuse of powers happen in the shower. I won't get into all the details, but...



***Boy, did I feel awkward looking for that last pic***

A Brimful of Girl on the 45

"You play ball like a giiiiirrrrlllll!"

That's a line out of the movie The Sandlot. Two teams of kids were arguing over baseball. It was the big insult that sealed a challenge for the teams.



The Sandlot was set in 1962. Back then women just didn't do unlady-like things. If they did, they would most likely be considered a tomboy or a dike, a euphemism for lesbian.

Back then men were men and women were men's also. They stayed home, cooked,
cleaned, raised the kids, and gave birth. I don't think they actually
had wild sex though since they slept in separate beds. Wild sex came from the harlot down the street, or the hooker with the heart of gold.

Today's world is a bit different. I started my classroom monologue with the
riddle: A father and son get in a car accident. They are taken to
different hospitals. The surgeon sees the boy and says, "I cannot
operate on this boy. He is my son." The kids knew right away that the
surgeon was the boy's mom.

Kids of today grow up with blurred gender roles. No longer was sports only for unshaven women. A show of hands in class showed that just about every girl played some sort of organized sports. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that they're
not all lesbians otherwise there goes the human race.



Girls are also bombarded by the media into believing that they can be anything a man can be. I just noticed two tv shows right away, and I hardly watch tv.
Bones: A forensic doctor who has a stronger personality than her buff
FBI partner and also has the huge brains to match. Law and Order:
always featured women in strong positions such as Assistant DA, PoliceLieutenants, and DAs.

Even one of my favorite riding buddies forgets that she's a girl. Well, maybe she doesn't forget. She just likes to remind me that riding like a girl does not mean sucky riding, but it means to take advantage of a light, supple body to get the most out of the equipment.

Here, watch her catch me off guard in the turns as she pulls away.



Now the counter to all this is the male cheerleader. Twenty years ago it would have been considered a joke to be a male cheerleader. Those guys were fags
(euphemism for effeminate). Now it is normal to have male cheerleaders.
Many cheer teams want males. They have to be strong and fit, and have
the responsibility of protecting the girls they throw into the air.
Tough job for strong men with the bonus of being surrounded by cooter. Sounds like a dream job for any red blooded male.



Once again, with the changing of gender roles, and the fact that women are
as irrational as men are rational, I think women need to come with
warning labels.



Regardless, you've come a long way, baby.



***that was a slogan from a cigarette ad. Don't worry, the second-hand smoke won't kill you***

On a totally unrelated topic, I can't get a song out of my head. It's Fatboy Slim's remix of Cornershop's Brimful of Asha.