Fantasy Island... for cheap.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

How was your Labor Day weekend?

It's not like I really care to know. I'm just asking so that I can talk about my weekend and gloat.

Yup, I had a great time. Pretty close to a Fantasy Island type mini-vacation. In fact, when it was over, I felt almost like Edward Anderton and Jocelyn Kirsch. If you don't know who they are, they are the young, attractive couple that ran an identity-fraud scheme. They stole the identities of their friends and neighbors, and used stolen funds to vacation in Hawaii, London, and Paris. But unlike them, I actually paid a little bit using my own money.

So what did my Fantasy Island weekend look like?

How about three nights in a million-dollar home. This house was located on a really lush hillside. My favorite part of the house was a former patio. It had been enclosed and made into an extension of the living/dining room. The walls were nearly all glass windows, and the room was surrounded by beautiful, large, green trees. It was like you could step out of the dining room and into a tropical rainforest. The rain at night added to the ambiance. That, and the house had great lighting with dimmer switches located everywhere to provide romantic mood lighting.

After spending the first night there, Botany Babe and I had brunch at a well established local restaurant that served good food with quick service and low prices. We had Quarter Pounder Meals.

Later that day, I went mountain biking. BB continued working on decorating an envelop box for a wedding. I may be biased, but I think she has great talent for decorating. She made a shit-ugly fishing box look like a present for the princess of Xanadu.

Then we met up at the $$$ House for our second night. This time, we spent the evening watching a classic movie on a 60 inch TV. You've never really experienced home theater until you've heard Jay say, "All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. Then you're all you motherfucks are next. Love, Jay and Silent Bob," on a stereo surround sound system.

The next day BB went to church and I got to ride my motorcycle. BB got to show off her box (don't be thinking that about my girl) to her aunt, who then showered her with praise.

The third night went well. We got lots of sleep since we didn't have to be anywhere in the morning. We got out of bed at 9:30 instead of the usual 6:00. After washing up, we headed off to the mall.

We had an Asian style lunch. Very exotic. And reasonably priced too. (It was a Korean BBQ place) Then we went shopping. We didn't buy much, but we pretended we were big spenders. We looked at jewelry, and shoes, and pretty dresses. In the end, it's no fun to be in a mall without spending money, so we bought some tape and gum. Unfortunately, we ended up behind two old ladies at the register. It took us 15 minutes to get out of that store.

Once free of that retail establishment, we headed off to a spa located in a plantation-style resort. We got a couples massage... mmmm... It's a great feeling having someone rub your naked body for an hour. After that, we were feeling nice and mellow, so we laid in a hammock by the sea. It was the resort's hammock, and we weren't guests of the resort, but who cares? We enjoyed a nice hour cuddling to the sounds of waves crashing on shore.

Before we got too cozy, we headed off to yet another house we would never be able to afford. This one was located a bit off the beaten path. It was decorated with a classic touristy-adventurer theme. It was like a South Pacific movie poster. The house also had a great view. It overlooked about a mile of coffee fields with a clear view of the ocean.

But the real treat was the outdoor shower. BB and I were still slick with massage lotion on our bodies, so we hopped in the shower. Imagine a beautiful vine covered lava rock walled shower. There was very little wind, blue skies, and lots of hot water. I didn't want to get out.

And to finish off the great weekend, we ate free homestyle cooking courtesy of my mom. Heh.

PS: MPS and BiL, Machu Pichu tried to trick me into working for her at the farm fair. I didn't fall for it.

One Week in Chicago

Back in May, I attended my cousin's wedding. Unfortunately for the family, several cousins told me if I was ever in the Chicago area, look them up. Little did they know that I was going to be in the mainland for 25 days. Just a few website clicks, and Chicago was added to my itinerary. Several relatives will forever be scarred by my visit.


Here's my cousin Smooth's house. There were extensive renovations taking place. Dust was everywhere. The bathrooms had no doors. Debris was everywhere. But it was still way better than staying with Belize. The house was just three blocks from the train station, and my cousins made me feel at home.


The younger of my cousins: Father D. D not only stands for his name, but also for dyslexic. He originally thought I was staying until Saturday, and made plans for me with my other cousins for Friday night. When I told him I was leaving Thursday morning, he called the cousins and changed the plans to Thursday night.


The Hood.


For a second, I thought Father D was gay. I mean, why else would he have a calendar with naked men on it? Turns out it was Bruce Lee.


My cousins have a "thin" mirror.


There was a chocolate stream near the house. At one time it was clean and children used to raft and swim in it. Now it's a biohazard soup.


I frikkin love cities with extensive public transportation.


I love the ads they post in said public transportation even more.


I got a transit map and figured out the lines. Ended up in Chinatown. Sweet.




I hopped back on the train, got off one stop later, jumped on a bus, and ended up...


At the Shedd Aquarium.






Downtown Chicago looks great.


Oh hey, here's the Field Museum. I had a pre-paid ticket for admission.


Fat lot of good that did me. The "purchase ticket" line people got in faster than me.




OMG! Sue the T-Rex!


You'll never know when you'll need a copy of the Book of the Dead to combat mummies.


Downtown Chicago.


You know how I know you're gay? All three of you have the same haircut, same blue colored shirt, same style cargo pants, and white sneakers.


Oh, you know where I'm going.


To the top, Baby.







AHHHH! It's King Kong! Oh wait... this ain't the Empire State Building.


The next day I found the Magnificent Mile. It's high priced shopping along Michigan Avenue. Took me a while to find it though. It was cloudy, so I couldn't tell which way was north.




Oh, so close to buying jewelry for a girl again.


I went in to the GAP to use the restroom. This poor sap was sitting there waiting for his wife while she shopped. He was still sitting there when I left.


My family will get this inside joke. BTW, $220 for a pair of men's jeans is highway robbery.


Mensuits of New York. And like NYC, they had scaffolding all over the building.


WTF?


Chicago River Taxis.


Hey Billy from Family Circus. The Lego Store had several all-lego displays like this.


The one thing everyone said I must do in Chicago. See a Cubs game at Wrigley Field.




I got to see the 2 run homer in the 4th inning. Cubs beat the Reds 6-2.


After the game, we went out for deep dish pizza. Smooth made conversation with the hostess and waitress and had them eating out of his hand. Of course he used me as the hook. "Well, my cousin from HAWAII said he wanted to..."


Odelia the waitress came by with another pizza. "The other guy gave you guys the wrong size pizza. This is yours. We'll only charge you for one." Sweet. Burp. I felt 5 months pregnant after that.


Cousin Smooth did not want to be seen with me.


The next day Father D an I rode bicycles to the lake. This path goes on for 35 miles.







Thar be palm trees... in Chicago. They were setting up an arena for professional beach volleyball.


Navy Pier. Mall, museum, and amusement park all wrapped in one.






"Can I take a picture of your shirt," I asked.

"Sure," the girl replied.

"Is it fun working out here on the pier," I asked.

"Most of the time, yes," she replied. I noticed her accent.

"You're not from here, are you?"

"No. I'm from Ireland."

"No kidding? I'm practically Irish. My name is Seamus."


Love and marriage, love and marriage...


Some random fountain at an art institute.


This fountain was cool.


The faces were animated, and once in a while, they would spit out a gush of water.


The swung around on poles. That's all they did.


The Bean.



My other cousin, Musicman, played a concert here in the evening. He plays violin.


Musicman and my other cousin, Big Sis's house.




Note how nice the neighborhood is. It's a place where everyone knows their neighbors, and whole families go out for walks. Big Sis walked me around and introduced me to everyone we saw.


Big Sis drove me to the Bahai Temple. I'm not sure what it is, but it looked cool.


Chicago was the first place I ever saw fireflies. I made my little cousin run around and catch one for me.


They took me to a fancy steakhouse called Pete Millers. The waitress came out with a tray covered with different cuts of steak. She explained the difference to us, then we ordered. The cheapest steak was $36. Ouch. I also won the Guess-the-Accent contest. I correctly guessed that our waitress was from NY. She was from upstate NY, like Roktt.

I ran out of time before I could catch a play. I wanted to see Wicked. Oh well. I guess I'll have to come back to Chi-Town again. Either Big Sis or Smooth would let me crash at their places.

Luckily Smooth remembered when my flight was, and got me to the airport in time.