Three Wishes in the Saddle

For the last few days I had no inclination to write. It's not that I didn't have ideas. I had a few nice topics come to mind. I just didn't feel like sharing. A friend said that I put a lot of myself into my writing. That is true. And that is the reason why I didn't want to write. I didn't want anyone knowing what I was thinking.

During this brief hiatus, I ran into an old, or perhaps former, friend. He's a faster sportbike rider than I am, but I haven't seen him much since he found a new girlfriend. He tends to ctrl-alt-del his whole relationship-tree whenever he changes women. I ended up spending the whole afternoon riding with him. It wasn't too bad since we stuck to neutral topics like cars and motorcycles. It did remind me of a great lesson in history.

Allies can be your future enemies and enemies your future allies.

Perhaps it's time for me to end my inner tantrum and start expressing myself how I enjoy. Oh, and to my future enemies: Fuck off! hahahaha!



I'm sure you've been asked many times what you would do with three wishes. I always ponder about three wishes. Basically, those of us who harbor envy and greed will always hope for those wishes. Oh boy do I envy.

Let's see if I can guess the usual holier-than-thou type answer most people would give. I bet they would wish for world peace.



To end hunger.



And to cure some horrible plague.



Holy shit! If I used my wishes like that, I better be crowned Miss USA and get lesbian smooches from Miss Teen USA. Talk about altruistic. Noah would have to move to the couch away from Johnny for my interview.

Back to the real world. Remembering that only those who envy actually wish for wishes, my real choices would be slightly less noble.

First off, I would wish for a superhero-like physique. I would want the agility and dexterity of Spider-man with the health and durability of Superman.



Why? So I can actually do the things that I want without hurting this trollish body. I would love to be able to control motor vehicles with the skill and accuracy of top racers.



Also, I would love to be able to ride my stupid mountain bike without crashing 50% of the time. Strawberries hurt.



My second wish would be to have good looks. Good looking people don't know how lucky they are. They're at the top of the pyramid. Trolls are at the bottom, slightly higher than kobolds and teletubbies. I would just love to be at the top of the pile when I want to shit on someone.



My final wish would be for a freakishly large penis.

Size doesn't matter? The only women who tell you that are the ones who won't have sex with you. Doesn't matter to them since they're not the ones who will have to fake it.



Truth though, if you thought the amount of breast implants being done annually was high, wait until someone develops penis enlargement. It's not about being able to perform. It's about confidence. If you walked around with a 12 inch johnson, you would be beaming with confidence. No matter what happens or what anyone says to you, you wouldn't be phased a bit. That's because deep down you would be thinking, "screw you little man. I'm hung like a walrus."

So I may not be noble. I may not be unselfish. I am definitely not altruistic. But I am honest and bold. How's that for a rebound back into writing? Eat me!



*done before 2007 yes!*
**Hawaii Standard Time, mind**