Showing posts with label sportbike. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sportbike. Show all posts
Monday, March 26, 2007
Waimea Canyon Run
My legs were really tired after filming this.
Art on the GSX-R750
Me on the SV650S
Shige on the R6
Monday, March 19, 2007
Arthur and Shige: Together Again
Ran into these guys on the mountain today. Slapped the camcorder on Shige's bike and let them loose.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Saturday, January 6, 2007
Chicks Dig Scars... and Ball Huggers
Check out this fool.
He's got a Snell approved helmet with attention-getting ears. A leather jacket with CE approved armor in the shoulders, elbows, and back. Full leather gloves with knuckle protection. Leather sport pants with hip padding and knee armor. He even has racing style boots that has ankle support and toe, heel, and shin armor. It's like he's afraid he's going to fall off his motorcycle.
Don't he know that chicks dig scars?
Even the doofuses in professional racing don't know that. Idiots.
The easiest and quickest way to get those honey-attracting scars is to get rid of all that stupid protection. Why spend hundreds or thousands of dollars when you can get band aids and neosporin for under $10?
Take a look at this smart and attractive couple. They're famous in the sportbike world. Their pictures made the rounds of all the major bike message boards and also made it into a major monthly publication that's not porn!
Learn from them. The best way to ride is with your eye protection off. Never cover your arms. They're the first place you need to scar. The girl is obviously cooler than the guy since she forgoes the tee for a tank. They lose points for the gloves though. The guy earns sissy points for wearing jeans even though jeans shred on asphalt after about three feet of sliding. He should be a man like the girl and wear shorts. The running shoes are ok since they neither protect your feet nor do they stay on in major accidents. The girl went for the ever popular slippers/thongs/flipflops.
They're prepped and ready to go for the beauty enhancing scar tissue. And there they go.
Man, her once beautiful, smooth, nicely tanned legs are gonna look awesome with scars all over. oooooooohhhh. I'm shivering.
Check out this hottie. A wet dream come true. She took a fall at triple digit speeds wearing a sweatshirt. Boing!
**********************************
On a different note, here's a real life tip for those of you who ride.
Try compression shorts. They actually work. They provide support for your hams and glutes, helping prevent the dreaded "burning butt." You'll be able to ride longer and more comfortably wearing those compression shorts. The added bonuses are that they don't ride up and give you accidental thongs, and they keep your leathers from sticking to your sweaty body.
This applies to women too. The shorts aren't there to support a guy's nuts. Women have hams and glutes too, so they can also benefit from the shorts.
Or you could try those padded bike shorts. They do the same job.
Here's a pic of me in my compression shorts.
Just kidding. The guy is a model. I had to fire him though as his package does not do me any justice.
*The couple on the bike survived with minor injuries. The girl was going into shock when help arrived though. The road rashed girl is real. No photoshop.*
**Wear your gear**
He's got a Snell approved helmet with attention-getting ears. A leather jacket with CE approved armor in the shoulders, elbows, and back. Full leather gloves with knuckle protection. Leather sport pants with hip padding and knee armor. He even has racing style boots that has ankle support and toe, heel, and shin armor. It's like he's afraid he's going to fall off his motorcycle.
Don't he know that chicks dig scars?
Even the doofuses in professional racing don't know that. Idiots.
The easiest and quickest way to get those honey-attracting scars is to get rid of all that stupid protection. Why spend hundreds or thousands of dollars when you can get band aids and neosporin for under $10?
Take a look at this smart and attractive couple. They're famous in the sportbike world. Their pictures made the rounds of all the major bike message boards and also made it into a major monthly publication that's not porn!
Learn from them. The best way to ride is with your eye protection off. Never cover your arms. They're the first place you need to scar. The girl is obviously cooler than the guy since she forgoes the tee for a tank. They lose points for the gloves though. The guy earns sissy points for wearing jeans even though jeans shred on asphalt after about three feet of sliding. He should be a man like the girl and wear shorts. The running shoes are ok since they neither protect your feet nor do they stay on in major accidents. The girl went for the ever popular slippers/thongs/flipflops.
They're prepped and ready to go for the beauty enhancing scar tissue. And there they go.
Man, her once beautiful, smooth, nicely tanned legs are gonna look awesome with scars all over. oooooooohhhh. I'm shivering.
Check out this hottie. A wet dream come true. She took a fall at triple digit speeds wearing a sweatshirt. Boing!
**********************************
On a different note, here's a real life tip for those of you who ride.
Try compression shorts. They actually work. They provide support for your hams and glutes, helping prevent the dreaded "burning butt." You'll be able to ride longer and more comfortably wearing those compression shorts. The added bonuses are that they don't ride up and give you accidental thongs, and they keep your leathers from sticking to your sweaty body.
This applies to women too. The shorts aren't there to support a guy's nuts. Women have hams and glutes too, so they can also benefit from the shorts.
Or you could try those padded bike shorts. They do the same job.
Here's a pic of me in my compression shorts.
Just kidding. The guy is a model. I had to fire him though as his package does not do me any justice.
*The couple on the bike survived with minor injuries. The girl was going into shock when help arrived though. The road rashed girl is real. No photoshop.*
**Wear your gear**
Monday, January 1, 2007
Three Wishes in the Saddle
For the last few days I had no inclination to write. It's not that I didn't have ideas. I had a few nice topics come to mind. I just didn't feel like sharing. A friend said that I put a lot of myself into my writing. That is true. And that is the reason why I didn't want to write. I didn't want anyone knowing what I was thinking.
During this brief hiatus, I ran into an old, or perhaps former, friend. He's a faster sportbike rider than I am, but I haven't seen him much since he found a new girlfriend. He tends to ctrl-alt-del his whole relationship-tree whenever he changes women. I ended up spending the whole afternoon riding with him. It wasn't too bad since we stuck to neutral topics like cars and motorcycles. It did remind me of a great lesson in history.
Allies can be your future enemies and enemies your future allies.
Perhaps it's time for me to end my inner tantrum and start expressing myself how I enjoy. Oh, and to my future enemies: Fuck off! hahahaha!
I'm sure you've been asked many times what you would do with three wishes. I always ponder about three wishes. Basically, those of us who harbor envy and greed will always hope for those wishes. Oh boy do I envy.
Let's see if I can guess the usual holier-than-thou type answer most people would give. I bet they would wish for world peace.
To end hunger.
And to cure some horrible plague.
Holy shit! If I used my wishes like that, I better be crowned Miss USA and get lesbian smooches from Miss Teen USA. Talk about altruistic. Noah would have to move to the couch away from Johnny for my interview.
Back to the real world. Remembering that only those who envy actually wish for wishes, my real choices would be slightly less noble.
First off, I would wish for a superhero-like physique. I would want the agility and dexterity of Spider-man with the health and durability of Superman.
Why? So I can actually do the things that I want without hurting this trollish body. I would love to be able to control motor vehicles with the skill and accuracy of top racers.
Also, I would love to be able to ride my stupid mountain bike without crashing 50% of the time. Strawberries hurt.
My second wish would be to have good looks. Good looking people don't know how lucky they are. They're at the top of the pyramid. Trolls are at the bottom, slightly higher than kobolds and teletubbies. I would just love to be at the top of the pile when I want to shit on someone.
My final wish would be for a freakishly large penis.
Size doesn't matter? The only women who tell you that are the ones who won't have sex with you. Doesn't matter to them since they're not the ones who will have to fake it.
Truth though, if you thought the amount of breast implants being done annually was high, wait until someone develops penis enlargement. It's not about being able to perform. It's about confidence. If you walked around with a 12 inch johnson, you would be beaming with confidence. No matter what happens or what anyone says to you, you wouldn't be phased a bit. That's because deep down you would be thinking, "screw you little man. I'm hung like a walrus."
So I may not be noble. I may not be unselfish. I am definitely not altruistic. But I am honest and bold. How's that for a rebound back into writing? Eat me!
*done before 2007 yes!*
**Hawaii Standard Time, mind**
During this brief hiatus, I ran into an old, or perhaps former, friend. He's a faster sportbike rider than I am, but I haven't seen him much since he found a new girlfriend. He tends to ctrl-alt-del his whole relationship-tree whenever he changes women. I ended up spending the whole afternoon riding with him. It wasn't too bad since we stuck to neutral topics like cars and motorcycles. It did remind me of a great lesson in history.
Allies can be your future enemies and enemies your future allies.
Perhaps it's time for me to end my inner tantrum and start expressing myself how I enjoy. Oh, and to my future enemies: Fuck off! hahahaha!
I'm sure you've been asked many times what you would do with three wishes. I always ponder about three wishes. Basically, those of us who harbor envy and greed will always hope for those wishes. Oh boy do I envy.
Let's see if I can guess the usual holier-than-thou type answer most people would give. I bet they would wish for world peace.
To end hunger.
And to cure some horrible plague.
Holy shit! If I used my wishes like that, I better be crowned Miss USA and get lesbian smooches from Miss Teen USA. Talk about altruistic. Noah would have to move to the couch away from Johnny for my interview.
Back to the real world. Remembering that only those who envy actually wish for wishes, my real choices would be slightly less noble.
First off, I would wish for a superhero-like physique. I would want the agility and dexterity of Spider-man with the health and durability of Superman.
Why? So I can actually do the things that I want without hurting this trollish body. I would love to be able to control motor vehicles with the skill and accuracy of top racers.
Also, I would love to be able to ride my stupid mountain bike without crashing 50% of the time. Strawberries hurt.
My second wish would be to have good looks. Good looking people don't know how lucky they are. They're at the top of the pyramid. Trolls are at the bottom, slightly higher than kobolds and teletubbies. I would just love to be at the top of the pile when I want to shit on someone.
My final wish would be for a freakishly large penis.
Size doesn't matter? The only women who tell you that are the ones who won't have sex with you. Doesn't matter to them since they're not the ones who will have to fake it.
Truth though, if you thought the amount of breast implants being done annually was high, wait until someone develops penis enlargement. It's not about being able to perform. It's about confidence. If you walked around with a 12 inch johnson, you would be beaming with confidence. No matter what happens or what anyone says to you, you wouldn't be phased a bit. That's because deep down you would be thinking, "screw you little man. I'm hung like a walrus."
So I may not be noble. I may not be unselfish. I am definitely not altruistic. But I am honest and bold. How's that for a rebound back into writing? Eat me!
*done before 2007 yes!*
**Hawaii Standard Time, mind**
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Twilight
Created a new sportbike video with Lorn, Lauren, and Fonto. I had originally planned to use Brimful of Asha for the soundtrack, but when I viewed the clips I had, I thought it went better to ELO's Twilight.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Black Leather Fetish
The other day I stuck my camera on my bike's fender. I figured I would look at my lower body as I ride and see if I'm making any major mistakes. I did learn that with my current riding style, I will never safely drag knee on the streets. However, It feels and looks natural, so I'm going to stick with it.
Since I had some video footage, and I was bored, I slapped them together and added music. I uploaded the video to YouTube, but I really wasn't planning on sharing. You only really see from my left butt cheek to my ankle. However, it seems that someone has been looking at the video anyway. I guess I should just post it.
Since I had some video footage, and I was bored, I slapped them together and added music. I uploaded the video to YouTube, but I really wasn't planning on sharing. You only really see from my left butt cheek to my ankle. However, it seems that someone has been looking at the video anyway. I guess I should just post it.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Acoustic Cancellation
A while ago I posted a video of me riding up Waimea Canyon on two motorcycle forums. The responses from the first forum, Sportbike Network, commented on how stylish my helmet ears were and how nice the road looked. The audience on SVRider was a bit of a different crowd. Everyone wanted a different soundtrack. Only one person replied that he liked my song. Sigh. And I went out of my way to find Cheap Trick's Reach Out because I remembered it from Heavy Metal.
Anyway, I decided to record my entire run without music so everyone can hear my miss-shifts and botched downshifts.
This first video starts off at nearly sea-level and goes up until a spot called FM. Why it is called that, I have no idea. Seems we have tons of weird nicknames for these places.
This second video picks up from FM and goes to the Y Junction. I normally call it the "intersection," but GSXRGrrrl insists I call it the Y Junction. Whatever. Do keep in mind that when I hear Y, I remember the old joke of, "eating at the Y."
Don't worry, I know those mountain bikers I passed.
I do have to apologize for this last video. I know I promised not to use my super-powers for selfish reasons, but my camera batteries were running low, and it was going to rain soon. I just had to make the SUV infront of me disappear.
Here is the third leg of my run. It goes from the Y to the first lookout. There's another 5 minutes or so of twisties past this area, but I don't go there. The road tends to be in crappier condition and there's no good place to stop. At the first lookout you have working bathrooms, a nice parking lot, and many tourists to practice your voyeur skills on.
You can see that I still need practice on being a voyeur.
Anyway, I decided to record my entire run without music so everyone can hear my miss-shifts and botched downshifts.
This first video starts off at nearly sea-level and goes up until a spot called FM. Why it is called that, I have no idea. Seems we have tons of weird nicknames for these places.
This second video picks up from FM and goes to the Y Junction. I normally call it the "intersection," but GSXRGrrrl insists I call it the Y Junction. Whatever. Do keep in mind that when I hear Y, I remember the old joke of, "eating at the Y."
Don't worry, I know those mountain bikers I passed.
I do have to apologize for this last video. I know I promised not to use my super-powers for selfish reasons, but my camera batteries were running low, and it was going to rain soon. I just had to make the SUV infront of me disappear.
Here is the third leg of my run. It goes from the Y to the first lookout. There's another 5 minutes or so of twisties past this area, but I don't go there. The road tends to be in crappier condition and there's no good place to stop. At the first lookout you have working bathrooms, a nice parking lot, and many tourists to practice your voyeur skills on.
You can see that I still need practice on being a voyeur.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Ears: A Sportbike Chronicle
Every hero has a secret identity. Even us "weird" ones. You know, those strange heroes that so-called friends tend not to simply accept, but to persecute and harass. Hey, not everyone was born pretty, or handsome, or talented you know. And, and, and, brains can be kewl too.
Deep breaths, deep breath. Ah, who am I kidding. Like Sockfoot says: women want a testosterone-filled Adonis to impregnate them, but then they want Milquetoast to raise their kids right. I digress.
My secret identity is that of Milquetoast. I spend my days educating the offspring of some pretty messed up marriages sometimes. You see, Adonis doesn't stick around for long. My kind, caring nature lets me build a rapport with kids and lets me be a significant adult to those in need. It's a heroic, yet unassuming identity.
When I am not at work, I assume the identity of Ears. It is my duty to fight/commit crime of the moving violation sort.
29 Oct 06: I notice many people staring at me. Is there another spider on my helmet? It can't be that they're attracted to me. They can't see my face. Or maybe it's the lack of a visual that makes me appealing. Odd.
Several people parked along the side of the road did double-takes. When I pulled in to the canyon lookout, a group of late-20s tourists stopped chatting and watched me park. A lady came out of the bathroom, looked at me, then stopped in the road and stared until I came to a complete stop.
Weirdos. What the hell are they looking at?
Usually on Sundays I have a lot of time. I'm usually waiting for some other bikers to show up. The only one that does show up regularly is a male. It ties in to a theory that I have about only attracting other males.
Anyway, since I have a few hours to kill, I make several runs up and down the mountain. One time, as I was gearing up, a crowd of tourists, probably an extended family, waited and watched me get ready to go. Their littlest boy, a 3ish year old, seemed enthralled by my ears. He couldn't stop staring. So I waved at him as I left. Kids love that crap. It's like when a bigrig blows that airhorn.
rawr!!!!
Ears: Cool. The color of these ears match my bike.
Scott: Yeah. And they're pretty noticable. I could see them when I passed you.
Ears: Hey, they really do their job. And they also do something else. Earlier there was this tall, cute Japanese tourist. See saw the ears and was watching me gear up. I could hear her saying, "kawaii..." (cute)
******Ears' Fantasy Begins******
Asian chick: Sugoi Ears! Marry me and make me an American. I will give you many children and you will die of sexual exhaustion.
Ears: (Elvis voice) Why sure...
Other Asian Chicks: Chottomatte! Atashi mo Ears wa daisuke desu! He's mine, b!tch!
******Ears' Fantasy Ends******
White Male Tourist: Hey, nice tail. Cool.
Ears: Um, thanks.
WMT: Wow, you got ears too. Those are cool.
Scott: Seems cute Japanese girls aren't the only thing they attract.
Ears: . . . (pause) You know, this place is why I don't pee at urinals without dividers. Everyone wants to make conversation with me in there. (points at restroom)
*****Update 7 Nov.*****
Try not to leave comments on this blog. It will get deleted on the next update.
So after the farce that was the Fourth of November, Lornette finally got new shoes on her bike. She mounted the wheels back on her bike all by herself. She got wrenching skillz yo. (pinch bolts cough).
Now for those that don't ride, new tires can be scary. They're very smooth and slippery to the touch. They have low traction until they are "scrubbed," in. That means riding on the tires so that the contact patch area becomes rough to the touch. The trick is to not lean the bike over on completely fresh sections. You need to carefully scrub the tires to the edges cm by cm.
So Lorny got fresh shoes on her bike. We head out to Kokee as usual. I had the camera mounted on the bike again, ala duct tape. After a quick side adventure, the purpose of which I shall not mention for fear of retribution, we were off.
Here's the video. Keep in mind that Lorny has NOT YET SCRUBBED IN HER TIRES. Nutcase. The song choice is another story. When we picked up Lornette's bike, she had the Tokyo Drift soundtrack playing. I thought it sounded like a faux jpop techno thing. I figured it would be fitting to use the real thing.
*****Updated 10 Nov*****
Gees. No one gonna help me out? You guys could have caught the mistake on my dates. Gah. Anyway, Since Mel is being a brutish oaf, I guess you can leave comments. Just keep in mind that I can never get the edit thing to work and I am actually reposting this blog as new.
Lorny called me on my cell today.
It was sunny and she wanted to play.
Up the mountain, on our bikes we shot.
Lorny thought her riding was good, but it really was not.
No matter how hard she tried and tried,
Her chicken strips remained over an inch wide.
Changing the subject to her clothes,
she showed me the special riding jeans she chose.
The label said it was not a low-rise.
It didn't matter as she pushed the waist down to her thighs.
The pants bunched up around her groin,
and I could swear I felt a stir in my loins.
She felt herself up and then she checked
to see if she had a peepee and if it was erect.
I couldn't believe it, I could only watch;
this wonderful exhibition going on at her crotch.
But some tourist came by to ruin the show.
What was even worse, one was a big, fat ho.
She was a large one, all flab and big gut.
She waddled when she walked, and picked at her butt.
At least the others were skinny and nice.
They were friendly and spoke to us twice.
They talked of my ears and said they were cute.
See that Lorn? This shows I'm no fruit.
We decided to get pizza and work on Lorn's bike.
Brick Oven Pizza, yup, that's what we like.
Lorny tried to order the pizza over the phone.
"I like pizza," Ears would crazily drone.
She tried to be serious and kept up her guard,
but Ears wouldn't stop. He was a retard.
Pizza for dinner, no need for a plate.
Who cares about being thinner, it's time to gain weight.
Lorny did Sally's diner orgasm scene.
Her moans were so good, I thought I would cream.
Dinner was over and on to the job.
We got a bit dirty and I looked like a slob.
We loosened some nuts and raised up a fork.
Lorny tightened things up and double checked the torque.
Then I got stupid and offered an idea.
The next time I do that, God, give me diarrhea.
"Since we're here let's do your suspension."
I did my best to bring it to her attention.
So once again with wrench in hand;
we tackled the bike like we had just planned.
Then it happened. Something went wrong.
A simple procedure started to take all night long.
Lorny got angry with fire in her eyes.
"I'll kill you, Ears, and no one will hear the cries."
I stepped back and trembled in fear.
All I could manage was, "yes dear, yes dear."
I kept working and would not stop.
I was afraid that Lorny would pop.
And eventually the work was finally done.
"Just in time," as she put down the gun.
Lorn was gleeful and she pulled on her boots.
Lucky for me, she forgot our disputes.
She hopped on her bike for pleasure and fun.
I didn't even notice, I was watching a bum.
The question remains if after all this clatter:
Will the changes we made really even matter?
Given my reputation and the Nonwheezer curse,
I probably didn't help, I just made things a lot worse.
But she's happy, as happy as a toy dog.
"Now go home Ears, and write me another blog."
Added:
It's a fact that pizza and I don't mix.
Eating too much of it give me my kicks.
As the dawn's early morning light had shone,
I found myself stuck on the throne.
*****Updated 18 Nov.*****
Version 2 of the 17 Nov. video. I didn't like the footage from the old video. I played with the zoom to crop out some things, and it made the footage look slow. For the new video, I readjusted the camera mount and set the zoom back to normal.
And about 20 German tourists nearly mobbed me to check out my ears. Blitzkreig aiyeee!!!
Deep breaths, deep breath. Ah, who am I kidding. Like Sockfoot says: women want a testosterone-filled Adonis to impregnate them, but then they want Milquetoast to raise their kids right. I digress.
My secret identity is that of Milquetoast. I spend my days educating the offspring of some pretty messed up marriages sometimes. You see, Adonis doesn't stick around for long. My kind, caring nature lets me build a rapport with kids and lets me be a significant adult to those in need. It's a heroic, yet unassuming identity.
When I am not at work, I assume the identity of Ears. It is my duty to fight/commit crime of the moving violation sort.
29 Oct 06: I notice many people staring at me. Is there another spider on my helmet? It can't be that they're attracted to me. They can't see my face. Or maybe it's the lack of a visual that makes me appealing. Odd.
Several people parked along the side of the road did double-takes. When I pulled in to the canyon lookout, a group of late-20s tourists stopped chatting and watched me park. A lady came out of the bathroom, looked at me, then stopped in the road and stared until I came to a complete stop.
Weirdos. What the hell are they looking at?
Usually on Sundays I have a lot of time. I'm usually waiting for some other bikers to show up. The only one that does show up regularly is a male. It ties in to a theory that I have about only attracting other males.
Anyway, since I have a few hours to kill, I make several runs up and down the mountain. One time, as I was gearing up, a crowd of tourists, probably an extended family, waited and watched me get ready to go. Their littlest boy, a 3ish year old, seemed enthralled by my ears. He couldn't stop staring. So I waved at him as I left. Kids love that crap. It's like when a bigrig blows that airhorn.
rawr!!!!Ears: Cool. The color of these ears match my bike.
Scott: Yeah. And they're pretty noticable. I could see them when I passed you.
Ears: Hey, they really do their job. And they also do something else. Earlier there was this tall, cute Japanese tourist. See saw the ears and was watching me gear up. I could hear her saying, "kawaii..." (cute)
******Ears' Fantasy Begins******
Asian chick: Sugoi Ears! Marry me and make me an American. I will give you many children and you will die of sexual exhaustion.
Ears: (Elvis voice) Why sure...
Other Asian Chicks: Chottomatte! Atashi mo Ears wa daisuke desu! He's mine, b!tch!
******Ears' Fantasy Ends******
White Male Tourist: Hey, nice tail. Cool.
Ears: Um, thanks.
WMT: Wow, you got ears too. Those are cool.
Scott: Seems cute Japanese girls aren't the only thing they attract.
Ears: . . . (pause) You know, this place is why I don't pee at urinals without dividers. Everyone wants to make conversation with me in there. (points at restroom)
*****Update 7 Nov.*****
Try not to leave comments on this blog. It will get deleted on the next update.
So after the farce that was the Fourth of November, Lornette finally got new shoes on her bike. She mounted the wheels back on her bike all by herself. She got wrenching skillz yo. (pinch bolts cough).
Now for those that don't ride, new tires can be scary. They're very smooth and slippery to the touch. They have low traction until they are "scrubbed," in. That means riding on the tires so that the contact patch area becomes rough to the touch. The trick is to not lean the bike over on completely fresh sections. You need to carefully scrub the tires to the edges cm by cm.
So Lorny got fresh shoes on her bike. We head out to Kokee as usual. I had the camera mounted on the bike again, ala duct tape. After a quick side adventure, the purpose of which I shall not mention for fear of retribution, we were off.
Here's the video. Keep in mind that Lorny has NOT YET SCRUBBED IN HER TIRES. Nutcase. The song choice is another story. When we picked up Lornette's bike, she had the Tokyo Drift soundtrack playing. I thought it sounded like a faux jpop techno thing. I figured it would be fitting to use the real thing.
*****Updated 10 Nov*****
Gees. No one gonna help me out? You guys could have caught the mistake on my dates. Gah. Anyway, Since Mel is being a brutish oaf, I guess you can leave comments. Just keep in mind that I can never get the edit thing to work and I am actually reposting this blog as new.
Lorny called me on my cell today.
It was sunny and she wanted to play.
Up the mountain, on our bikes we shot.
Lorny thought her riding was good, but it really was not.
No matter how hard she tried and tried,
Her chicken strips remained over an inch wide.
Changing the subject to her clothes,
she showed me the special riding jeans she chose.
The label said it was not a low-rise.
It didn't matter as she pushed the waist down to her thighs.
The pants bunched up around her groin,
and I could swear I felt a stir in my loins.
She felt herself up and then she checked
to see if she had a peepee and if it was erect.
I couldn't believe it, I could only watch;
this wonderful exhibition going on at her crotch.
But some tourist came by to ruin the show.
What was even worse, one was a big, fat ho.
She was a large one, all flab and big gut.
She waddled when she walked, and picked at her butt.
At least the others were skinny and nice.
They were friendly and spoke to us twice.
They talked of my ears and said they were cute.
See that Lorn? This shows I'm no fruit.
We decided to get pizza and work on Lorn's bike.
Brick Oven Pizza, yup, that's what we like.
Lorny tried to order the pizza over the phone.
"I like pizza," Ears would crazily drone.
She tried to be serious and kept up her guard,
but Ears wouldn't stop. He was a retard.
Pizza for dinner, no need for a plate.
Who cares about being thinner, it's time to gain weight.
Lorny did Sally's diner orgasm scene.
Her moans were so good, I thought I would cream.
Dinner was over and on to the job.
We got a bit dirty and I looked like a slob.
We loosened some nuts and raised up a fork.
Lorny tightened things up and double checked the torque.
Then I got stupid and offered an idea.
The next time I do that, God, give me diarrhea.
"Since we're here let's do your suspension."
I did my best to bring it to her attention.
So once again with wrench in hand;
we tackled the bike like we had just planned.
Then it happened. Something went wrong.
A simple procedure started to take all night long.
Lorny got angry with fire in her eyes.
"I'll kill you, Ears, and no one will hear the cries."
I stepped back and trembled in fear.
All I could manage was, "yes dear, yes dear."
I kept working and would not stop.
I was afraid that Lorny would pop.
And eventually the work was finally done.
"Just in time," as she put down the gun.
Lorn was gleeful and she pulled on her boots.
Lucky for me, she forgot our disputes.
She hopped on her bike for pleasure and fun.
I didn't even notice, I was watching a bum.
The question remains if after all this clatter:
Will the changes we made really even matter?
Given my reputation and the Nonwheezer curse,
I probably didn't help, I just made things a lot worse.
But she's happy, as happy as a toy dog.
"Now go home Ears, and write me another blog."
Added:
It's a fact that pizza and I don't mix.
Eating too much of it give me my kicks.
As the dawn's early morning light had shone,
I found myself stuck on the throne.
*****Updated 18 Nov.*****
Version 2 of the 17 Nov. video. I didn't like the footage from the old video. I played with the zoom to crop out some things, and it made the footage look slow. For the new video, I readjusted the camera mount and set the zoom back to normal.
And about 20 German tourists nearly mobbed me to check out my ears. Blitzkreig aiyeee!!!
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