Green Eyed Monster Sex

Hey gang, I'm still alive. And Frank Dux and Chong Li are stoked to see me.



So what's been going on? Well, I finished one screenplay. It was about a teacher who falls for another teacher. I know, it's a stretch for me to write about a teacher. Anyway, after what seemed like a good romance, the protagonist did not get the girl. Once again, a huge stretch for me to write.

However, it turned out that screenplay sucked. Not much character development, and no good hook. Well, sometimes you have to be willing to drown your own baby, so I scrapped that project.

Now I'm working on a new screenplay. I'm about halfway done with the first draft, but finding the time and the impetus to write has been a bit hard. Hopefully once I'm done with the brats, I'll finish it.

So that's what has been occupying a bunch of my time. But life goes on...

Last week was a three day weekend. I was so hoping to have fun with everyone I know. Yet Murphy, or karma, saw fit to bring me down.

Friday: The House Monger called. "Let's get our groove on," she said. I have no idea what it is with dancing, but women insist on forcing men to make fools of themselves. I think it's a power trip. It's a power trip because I keep asking to be taught, but no one will teach me. They rather I jump in without any training for their amusement.

Didn't matter though. She never called back.

Then GSXGrrrl called to see what my plans were. Then she said she would call back.

She never called back.

Tattoo Girl was also busy. Fuck me. Life sucked.

Yay for video games though.

Saturday started as mundane as shit too. I changed the oil on my motorcycle, and cleaned and lubed the chain. Then I took a spin up the mountain. I wasn't feeling it, so I went back home. That's when GSXGrrrl remembered to call me.

We grabbed a pizza, the main food of the unintelligentsia, picked up L, then headed to Suzuki for an oil filter. After that we hit the Walmart like we were rednecks. On the way back home, we decided to take the bikes out for a ride.

Which brings me to the point of this post. L bought a new bike.



No, I'm not jealous at all. Why should I be? I mean, I'm riding a 5 year old econo-sportbike. I wouldn't desire a brand new top of the line 600, right?

I think I look better on this bike.



Yup, yup.

Now for the sex thing. They say, on average, intercourse takes 3 to 13 minutes. I had intercourse with the ground in 5. I had to ride my mountain bike perpendicular to a steeply sloped section of trail. My bike slid down the slope. I followed it.



I think my seat nailed me on the bottom of my right butt cheek. Feels like a bruise. Funny thing is that if it hit 3 inches to the left, I would have had intercourse with the bike too.

Dendrophilia

This morning I woke up a bit earlier than I planned.



Since I was up, I figured I would turn on the computer and convert some J-drama files from softsub to hardsub. If I didn't mention it earlier, I love watching TV shows from Japan.

Once my computer booted up, my Windows Messenger activated. I didn't even realize it was set on automatic. I was immediately nailed by an IM from a XX friend.

XX: Hi!

Me: Hi. Sorry. Just woke up.

XX: Morning wood?



Funny she should ask. She hit the nail on the head. I explained the whole story.

I was planning on sleeping in late since it's Sunday, and my noisy neighbors haven't been running the welders in the mornings lately. However, I had to wake up at 7 AM to pee. Since it was still early, I crawled back into bed to go back to sleep.

Then it happened.



Morning wood.

I figured I would just fall asleep and everything would be normal. I was wrong. I must have been thinking of something good because this sucker would just not go away. Now any post-puberty male can tell you that a boner, if left untreated, will cause aches and pains. So after 90 minutes, I gave up trying to sleep and got out of bed. I figured doing the file conversions would be non-sexual enough to ease the swelling.



No, it wasn't blueballs.



XX: Ninety minutes?!?

Me: Yeah. But I had worse.

Remember Virginia? The Eastern Unintelligentsia?



Well, there was an incident where she came into my room and woke me up at the crack of noon. Luckily Hilo can be a chilly place, and I was snug under the blankets.



She couldn't see that I was hiding yet another incident of MWS, Morning Wood Syndrome.



It wasn't the typical case of MWS. This one was bad. It was like someone took off the pressure regulator. Mini-me felt like it was going to explode. To top it off, I had to pee. Bad.



So there I was, wearing only boxers, hiding my manhood under a blanket, holding in my pee, with a cute girl sitting on my bed next to me. Sometimes I wish I was an extrovert.

A Different XX Friend Sometime Later: You should have just whipped it out and taken care of it. Tell her if she didn't like it, she could leave.



Like I said, "sometimes I wish I was an extrovert."

I couldn't do it. All I could do was chat and hide for what felt like an eternity. Virginia eventually left, but the wood remained.



I had to bend and contort into several different angles to get a flow going. It was the hardest time I had peeing. Pardon the pun.

Twilight

Created a new sportbike video with Lorn, Lauren, and Fonto. I had originally planned to use Brimful of Asha for the soundtrack, but when I viewed the clips I had, I thought it went better to ELO's Twilight.

Gsx-rGIRRRL Gets Mad

I'm under some time constraints, so I'll just rush through this. I'm going to try and make fun of Gsx-rGIRRRL before she gets home.

This afternoon was motorcycle cleaning day. I normally wash my bike maybe
once every two or three months. It's hard to do because if it's nice
enough of a day to wash, it's nice enough to ride instead. But since I
spent the morning trying to knee drag, I decided it was time to clean off the seat.



Gxs-rGIRRRL called. She asked if she could stop by and get a CD-Rom I made for her. It contained a service manual for her bike. Any mechanic would tell you that a good
service manual is worth it's weight in plutonium. When she arrived, she
was dressed to the nines. I thought it was weird that she dressed up to
pick up a little disk, but that's the unintelligentsia for you.

We chatted while I finished wiping down the bike. Then she went to go play with my dog. I gave her a couple of doggie treats to give to the the pitbull. So she fed him and petted him and talked to him. Then as we were walking away, she said, "I gave him a doggie boner."


I was in shock and the best comeback I could make was, "I'll be sure not to shake your hand."



Then she found this dead spider that I washed off my bike. She played with it like it was a toy.
I don't know about you guys, but these spiders can grow as big as your
hand and they make me scream like a girl. I've had them crawl all over
me before. Didn't phase her at all. I think at one point she even
considered eating it.



I left her a present on the CD. It's appropriately titled too. It's a video called: L****getsmad. hehe.



She was too afraid to turn up the volume on her first viewing. I'm sure once she does, she'll laugh about it then decide on an appropriate form of revenge. (I made her
sound like the Marlboro Man.)


***Added: I was also ordered by the unintelligentsia to burn another CD. I like how the order came in a roundabout way.

"I want to see that video of me, the one from far away, that you took, but bigger and not all pixellated."

(dramatic pause)

"Go burn it to CD for me."