Chicks Dig Scars... and Ball Huggers

Check out this fool.



He's got a Snell approved helmet with attention-getting ears. A leather jacket with CE approved armor in the shoulders, elbows, and back. Full leather gloves with knuckle protection. Leather sport pants with hip padding and knee armor. He even has racing style boots that has ankle support and toe, heel, and shin armor. It's like he's afraid he's going to fall off his motorcycle.

Don't he know that chicks dig scars?

Even the doofuses in professional racing don't know that. Idiots.



The easiest and quickest way to get those honey-attracting scars is to get rid of all that stupid protection. Why spend hundreds or thousands of dollars when you can get band aids and neosporin for under $10?

Take a look at this smart and attractive couple. They're famous in the sportbike world. Their pictures made the rounds of all the major bike message boards and also made it into a major monthly publication that's not porn!



Learn from them. The best way to ride is with your eye protection off. Never cover your arms. They're the first place you need to scar. The girl is obviously cooler than the guy since she forgoes the tee for a tank. They lose points for the gloves though. The guy earns sissy points for wearing jeans even though jeans shred on asphalt after about three feet of sliding. He should be a man like the girl and wear shorts. The running shoes are ok since they neither protect your feet nor do they stay on in major accidents. The girl went for the ever popular slippers/thongs/flipflops.

They're prepped and ready to go for the beauty enhancing scar tissue. And there they go.



Man, her once beautiful, smooth, nicely tanned legs are gonna look awesome with scars all over. oooooooohhhh. I'm shivering.

Check out this hottie. A wet dream come true. She took a fall at triple digit speeds wearing a sweatshirt. Boing!



**********************************

On a different note, here's a real life tip for those of you who ride.

Try compression shorts. They actually work. They provide support for your hams and glutes, helping prevent the dreaded "burning butt." You'll be able to ride longer and more comfortably wearing those compression shorts. The added bonuses are that they don't ride up and give you accidental thongs, and they keep your leathers from sticking to your sweaty body.

This applies to women too. The shorts aren't there to support a guy's nuts. Women have hams and glutes too, so they can also benefit from the shorts.

Or you could try those padded bike shorts. They do the same job.

Here's a pic of me in my compression shorts.



Just kidding. The guy is a model. I had to fire him though as his package does not do me any justice.


*The couple on the bike survived with minor injuries. The girl was going into shock when help arrived though. The road rashed girl is real. No photoshop.*

**Wear your gear**

Longevity Brevity

One day at summer school, I approached a pretty girl who I only knew by name. I pressed my finger to her exposed midriff and said, "pudgy."



I survived, and she became my girlfriend. That was when I looked like this:



The other day I was talking to a pretty girl I know. I think I know her pretty well. I at least know her better than someone who only chats with her in cyberspace. (Teasing a friend here.) I told her, "you're getting fat," and also, "I noticed it in your ass."



It didn't go as well as the first time I tried that opening gambit. Not sure why. This time I look more like this:



I even wear funny hats too.

Thinking about it, I notice there are many things that change as you get older. One thing I learned is that modern girls don't know how to take a compliment. Also, as I get older, my balls shrink.

Not literally. I mean my risk tolerance has really gone down. Twelve years ago I was really into rollerblading. We used to skate through towns, schools, malls, wherever. We skated on benches, curbs, planters, walls, anything. We played roller hockey even though we didn't know how, and we used to slam each other good into the fence. We jumped down stairs and walls. We did 180s and 360s off of jumps. If it was 7 steps or lower, we did it without thinking. If it was higher, we did it with some thinking. I didn't mind getting road rash on my appendages.



Then the years went by. Now I seem to be like this major pussy. Little drops of about one to two feet scare me. The weird thing is that there should be no reason for my fear. I can handle the bike well enough that those little drops should pose no problem. Hell, I should be able to do drops like this one:



Instead, I get shaky doing little hucks like this fool here:



Perhaps it's a survival instinct. I know I don't heal as fast as a young, dumb, full of *bodily fluids* man anymore. Maybe it's my body's way of telling me that I really don't want to end up like this:



But it defies logic. I have crashed or injured myself almost every weekend we ride our bikes in the mountains. Fearing jumps and drops hasn't prevented me from getting hurt. It seems more like trying to chamois a car in the rain.

So what is it?

Probably the fact that I need to work on Mondays. When you're young and dumb, you never think about where you get your money from. When you have a career, you tend to think about keeping your job by not breaking your neck.



Actually, the most plausible explanation for the self-preservation would be to make sure I can live long enough to piss everyone off! HAHAHA!

Biker Safety

Not a real post, but I just wanted to share. Anything that makes you more visible on the road is good!