Sundries and Undies

Picard hates fat kids.


I have a problem. My problem is shrinkage. It's rather embarrassing at times, but it's something I have to live with. Each year or so, I find that I can no longer fill out my underwear properly. I guess that's to be expected when you go from a 10 to an 8, but I wouldn't know. (I went from a 34 to a 31 this year)

So a few weeks ago, Machu Pichu and I were shopping in K-Mart. Hey, it's cheap and convenient. We just had lunch at Colenti's. MP needed to buy sugar to bake some stuff. My guess is that she was going to make some of her special brownies. I think she got the recipe from Amsterdam.

While we were in the store, I remembered that I had to buy some soda for a meeting I had the next afternoon. Kill two birds...

Funny how those little shopping baskets seem so benign when they're empty. Add in a 6 pack of 20oz soda and a bag of sugar and the thin, metal straps become garrote wire. I guess I don't have the shopper's hand. The ones with three inches of calluses.

Of course it's only after we picked up the heavier items that I remember the lighter one like underwear. We sauntered over to the underwear section and started checking packages. Last time I shopped for underwear, I had Indian Girl with me, and she REALLY REALLY enjoyed checking the packages.



We had to check the packages for the sizes. Some brands go 30-32, 34-36. Others go 28-30, 32-34. Fruit of the Looms had the 30-32 size, which was what I needed. But then they had several different styles of boxer-briefs. They had trunks, blues, and regular. I had no idea what the difference was. On top of that, they came in different colors and patterns. MP made a suggestion.

"Go with the striped ones."

"Why? Would the horizontal stripes make it look fatter?"

I went with the Blues.

Then MP found a table with loose undies for sale. They were a dollar each. She held up a thong and said it was something I should avoid. I misinterpreted what she meant since I thought it was a female thong.

"No. It's for men. You can tell by the pouch."

And now I am the wiser.

"You know, I used to be soooo concerned about visible boxer lines," I said while popping out my arse, "until I started wearing thongs."

I'm not sure I could wear something like that. I mean, I already have problems with my thigh chaffing.

Dave Barry beat me to it.


The End.

So what's the punchline? MP needed flour, not sugar.

You know what size thong/undies I need? SMALL. HA! How's that for a double entendre?