To begin my month-long odyssey, I had a quick stop over in Minnesota. I met Machu Pichu’s sister (AKA: MPS) and her brother in law (BiL). I also met her nephew and niece: Billy from Family Circus, and the Pink Princess.
We had a nice dinner. I got to shower, which will become important to the plot later because I left my Japanese nylon wash towel behind, and sleep.
Well rested, we headed off to JFK. After that, it was a long train ride to the Lower East Side of Manhattan. Then BAM! I ended up smack dab in the middle of a kid’s birthday party. It was awkward, but I followed Tattoo Girl’s advice and smiled while I kept my hands in my pockets.
We stayed at MP’s friend’s apartment in the Lower East Side. Her friend, Belize, is rather um, unconventional. Nuff said.
The next day MP and I hit the town.
My first, of many, slices of pizza on this trip.
Outside NBC. We were too late to be on the Today show, but the crowd was still there. They had a cop stationed there whose job was specifically to say, “move along; you can’t stand here.”
My first view of a mounted cop. Not sure what his job was since all he did was sit there and ignore us.
Rockefeller Center yay!
Funded by NY State, some guy made a 65’ tall erector set building. I wish I got paid for playing with my toys too.
I didn’t get to look at the merchandise, but they have great bathrooms.
St. Patrick’s Cathedral: Incredible place. I loved it. I didn’t understand much of it… But who can understand those Catholics anyway? MP lit a candle for her mother (MP’s Mom: Uh, you only do that for people who are dead).
“OK, now I’ll drop a dollar in the donation box,” said MP. When we looked at the donation box, it said, “suggested donation $2.”
“Two dollars my ass!” and a lightning bolt nearly struck MP down. She was spared damnation when she dropped a handful of coins into the box.
I was going to buy a lucky girl some jewelry, but then I came to my senses.
They actually have a queue to get on this thing. MP is playing with her piano. I’d rather play with my organ.
Even a Lego Darth Vader is no match for Lo Pan.
I loved this wall. It’s now my cellphone wallpaper.
The next day MP and I went to see Belize's daughter's 5th grade graduation. Celebrating mediocrity. It ran for two hours. TWO HOURS. Each kid had to perform some talent for the audience. One girl got up to the mike and recited a poem. "Pain...," she started. She eventually went on to talk about abuse and kidnapping. What a wonderful graduation poem.
Made it to the outskirts of Chinatown. The “Yu Hung Lo” jokes only lasted so long.
St. Paul’s Church. They were next door to the WTC, and was a leader in the rescue/relief efforts.
Times Square. I ended up buying a Quicksilver shirt there. What I should have bought were knock-off D&G purses for $25.
I took the 3 hour Circle Line tour around Manhattan. The views and the weather were great… until we got stuck for 30 minutes waiting for a bridge operator to raise a bridge. While we were waiting, it rained and got really cold.
Hey kids, Big Ben, Parliament, Statue of Liberty.
Yankee Stadium. OK, move along. We saw enough. Baseball is boring.
MP shooed away some tourists just because she wanted this pic.
Handsome Cabs: $34. Ride around Central Park behind a pile of horse poop: priceless.
This statue was hot! Literally. MP wanted a pic with her sitting on the statue, and I think she burnt her arm. It didn’t help that I took forever to take the picture heh.
Metropolitan Museum of Art: More culture yay! I got to see a whole bunch of beautiful artwork and artifacts. There was tons of the stuff around. Who would have thought museums would be full of those things?
There was this huge Egyptian tomb exhibit in a large room. Hundreds of people were going through that room. The outside wall was made up of many mirrored windows, and outside the window was a woman sunbathing. Odd place to sunbathe, but who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth. I took MP’s camera.
The Tomb of Assfurtitti. It was nearly perfect, but there was a crack in it.
Apparently there was a guy behind me who was watching me. “Alright, man,” he cheered. Then he got immediately hit in the ribs by his girlfriend.
In another hall was a collection of European armour. I spelled it with a “u” since it was European. At the end of the hall was a portly suit of armor. It was Henry VIII’s when he was older and obese. “Hey Squiggy, look at the fat guy,” MP shouted and pointed to the suit of armor. Right then, a fat guy walked in front of MP. I held my breath for a second to see if he was going to snort and charge, but the behemoth passed by without incident.
We thought of Indian Girl when we saw this. Not because of the big boobs, but because of the wild hair. Oh, who am I kidding? It was because of the big boobs.
Central Park Turtle Lake.
Belvedere Castle.
Bethesda Fountain. In the arcade there was a guy dressed like an Aztec warrior playing a violin. Bet you didn’t know that Aztecs rocked the string instruments.
The Great Lawn.
This girl would pose motionless for 5 minutes at a time… and people gave her money for that.
Strawberry Fields
This guy, Gary, does all the flower things each day. It’s not like he has to be anywhere else.
Central Park wildlife.
Central Park professional wildlife.
Eventually, we left Belize. The situation was a bit too difficult to stay for the rest of the week. MP got on the phone and found us a place about 5 blocks away.
Since I had forgotten my wash towel in MN, I ended up buying what I thought was something similar. It wasn’t. I ended up buying something akin to 60 grit sandpaper. It scraped off the top layer of my skin. It was tolerable on the arms and legs, but when I tried to wash my bits and pieces, YOUCH!
The place that we got was pretty tiny. But since we weren’t going to be spending much time there other than to shower and sleep, it was perfect. It was also way cheaper than a hotel. There was one small problem though. It only had one bed. I wasn’t about to take the couch. For one, I was sleeping on an air mattress on the floor for the last four days. Second, the couch was tiny and curved. I wouldn’t have fit. It turned out OK though. MP kept to her side, and I kept to mine. We never crossed the imaginary line of demarcation the divided the bed between Portugal and Spain.
That is, until one morning… I came out of the bathroom, bladder empty. MP was still cozy in bed. I ran and flopped on the bed… MY side of the bed. Little did I know, MP had encroached into my territory. I landed on her foot. For a few seconds, we just stared at each other, neither acknowledging the contact, then…
“My foot is touching your penis.”
I pretty much got off the bed as fast as I got on it.
MP’s first serving of sake in a traditional wooden cup. She liked it so much that after dinner, we found another bottle in a liquor store and she drank it all herself.
De La Vega. He had all these crazy drawings like “Homosexual Elmo” and “My Mother as the Ayatollah.”
My first Broadway show.
Broadway Part Deux:
We decided to try and catch another Broadway show instead of a movie. So after 3PM, we went to the TKTS booth to try and get half-price tickets for that night. There was a huge line. I stood in the queue while MP went to get cash. Now here is where it gets fun. MP returns and hands me a brochure for Cirque Dreams and some cash.
“Blah blah did you want to see the street vendors,” asked MP.
“No,” I replied.
“OK. I’ll go check it out.”
The queue moved quickly and I got near the front of the line. I call MP just in case. She doesn’t answer so I leave a voice message.
“I’m getting near the booth. What are your other choices in case Cirque is sold out?” I assumed she wanted to see Cirque Dreams otherwise she wouldn’t have given me the brochure.
A few minutes later, MP calls me. “Blah blah Phantom blah blah Grease. Phantom over Grease though.” This is when I’m in a sea of people fighting to get to an open ticket vendor.
I get to the front of the queue and lo and behold, Cirque is still available. So I grab two tickets. Bad move Squiggy. MP didn’t want to see Cirque. After berating the aurally challenged Squiggy for a few minutes, MP calms and we move on.
(now, let’s try this story again)
Squiggy is in line. MP hands him the brochure for Cirque Dreams and says, “this is not Cirque du Soleil. Let’s see something else. Did you want to see the street vendors?”
Minus the voice mail I left MP. She never heard it. “This is what I want to see. Phantom would be my first choice, then Grease, then whatever… But Phantom over Grease though.”
Funny how a few missed words can really affect a conversation.
I was hungry.
Can you guess where I’m going?
This is not the same lobby as A Night in the Museum.
Imagine the size of the dork.
I’m home.
Trust me, I do… a lot.
Kong or Sleepless…
I can see my house from here. JK. On a clear day, you can see 4 states from the Empire State Building.
Grand Central Station.
The last place I visited in Manhattan.
And the last interesting sight to see.
While sitting in JFK waiting for our flight, one of the Delta employees went on the PA system to page some missing passengers. “Passengers Wang, Hunter, Wood, and Urethra, please report to gate 23.” I’m sure they didn’t really mean urethra, but that’s what it sounded like.
No comments:
Post a Comment