Machu Pichu: Former punk rocker. Globe trotter. Not afraid to drag her friends into random sex shops, yet thinks men shaving pubes is a bit much.
80s Big Hair! hehe
Sasquatch: Former MP lover. Large and elusive. Rarely photographed.
Ben Stiller: I'm not kidding. MP has a cop friend that looks like a blonde Ben Stiller.
Jeezer (I may have the name wrong): A marathon runner who can't stop for a minute. She came, said hi, then ran off. Seriously.
Burps: A tiny lady with a big belch. When she swears, it's, "God bless America! Frick!"
Bam: Slams his hand on the table for every paragraph spoken. Eats plain pasta covered with ketchup.
Sunshine: Mousy voice. Always cheerful. Always smiling. Always Prozac. She reminded me of the mom character from the movie Airborne.
Indian Giver: Big and boisterous. This woman has a personality that seems larger than she appears.
Anyway...
On to the story. I returned to MN after a week in Manhattan. And once again, I stayed at Machu Pichu Sister and Brother-in-Law's home.
Complete with kite-eating tree.
As soon as we got there, MP set about trying to visit everyone in MN. Luckily MPS and BiL were kind enough to show me around. Heck, they were awesome hosts. They kicked out their son, Billy from Family Circus, and made him sleep in a tent in the backyard even though the nights got down into the 50s. All so I could have a bedroom to sleep in.
We went to the "New" Zoo. Nice place. The most interesting attraction was the humans. Amazing how humans with strollers think they're the kings of the jungle. They run into people, block exits, and crowd in front of viewing areas. I stole candy from the babies when the parents weren't looking.
After the zoo, BiL took me on White Bear Lake. This was the first time I was on a boat on a lake. Another tick mark in my life's checklist. Now being a boating noob, I wore a life vest. I figured that it was a huge lake, and if I fell out, it was a really long swim. Then I remembered that most of the lake was less than 5 feet deep. I took off the life vest. People stared at me less.
Rich white people.
An hour of fun only cost $19. See the girl talking to BiL? She was representative of 90% of the Minnesota women. Sturdy builds. Hardy breeds. Or as MP would put it: Minnesota has a lot of fat people.
So most of the women had paunches, guts, or beer bellies. I think it allows them to hibernate during the winter. They live off their fat stores.
I had to pee real bad when we got off the boat. The girl in yellow told me my options. I could use the true outhouse nearby, or cross the street and use the bathroom in the business there. The outhouse had a line (why?) so I crossed the street. Lucky me, the toilet was full of someone else's business, and it was clogged. Screw it though. I had to pee. So I aimed where there were no logs.
When I got out, I informed the teenaged staff that it wasn't my fault. The counter boy remembered a drunk saying something about the broken toilet. He then started arguing with the counter girl on whose turn it was to clean the bathrooms.
The next day we went to the Science Museum. MPS and BiL got us tickets to a Star Wars exhibit.
This was on display with other quack medical devices. It's a prostate warmer. It was claimed that using this provided lots of health benefits. I'll test it out and let you know. I'm feeling a bit under the weather.
Sweet...
Awesome...
Almost as good as Lo Pan.
I used to target womprats back home too.
MPS found someone shorter than her. Notice how she forces herself to keep from blinking?
After that, MP took me to a bar to meet her friends.
We crashed at Indian Giver's place. Huge house. This room was set aside just for play.
I was watching A Night at the Museum.
A huge 90+ pound dog. I can't remember his name, and I think he couldn't remember it himself since he was a thousand years old.
MP disappeared the next day and left me in the care of Indian Giver. Gotta give IG credit. She didn't know who I was, but she put me up for the night, and drove me around the next day.
Ground Zero. MP's ancestral home.
IG and I hit the Mall of America. She thought it befitting to park in the Hawaii section.
Walking through the mall, I had a feeling of deja vu. I came across three different Sunglass Huts. I was told that was normal.
The next day we hit the Como Zoo. The Pink Princess had some blue cotton candy which she proceeded to get all over her face. It looked like a blue beard. The zoo also had a small amusement park to help rip you off... errr generate revenue.
OMG! I loved this ride when I was a kid!
Sibling rivalry. MP and MPS hanging out.
And now you know. Feel better?
That evening, BiL took the kids to a cabin by the lake. MP disappeared. So MPS and I went to Marketfest.
There was music...
and dancing...
and a high school musical...
and a lot of fatty foods. Cheese curds? My arteries cry.
My last day there, we hit Minnehaha Park.
I checked out these cannons. They were pointed away from the Mississippi River, which I thought was weird. I was later told that they were there only for decoration. They were pointed at a bridge though, and I contemplated blowing the sucker up.
Mississippi River.
Locks.
To go through the locks, you need a boat, fishing gear, and beer. Fishing gear optional.
MP's dad took us to a fancy restaurant.
MP's dad told me I was welcomed at their house any time. They have a spare bedroom. And if Hinckley (later in my trip) didn't work out, he would come and pick me up.
Me: Hey, I think your dad likes me.
MPS: He likes anyone who will listen to him.
MP: He's really lonely.
*****
I had to get up at 4:30 AM to ride to the airport. My flight to Chicago was at 10, but MP's flight back to Hawaii was at 8. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
ps: I know I repeated a pic, but I'm too lazy to change it.
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