If you're one of my three fans, you would have noticed that I haven't really written anything interesting lately. I'll have you know that I'm not dead yet, but I do feel nearly there.
For the past week I've been dealing with a strange odor at school. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the chilli for lunch, but it was still a discomfort. I've also been fighting a cold. When I get sick, I tend to act like a big baby.
Yeah, I basically cry and soil myself whenever I feel like it.
I've also been spending a lot of time learning how to use Windows Movie Maker. I guess I'm really trying to get my money's worth on the digital camcorder I bought. One of the movies I made this week is on my Sportbike Chronicle blog. I didn't like the first version, so I spent about 3 hours recording my runs in the mountain to make another version.
The other movie I made is another MTB movie. Riley is an attention whore, so he asked me to film him while we did our afternoon rides.
Here's the video.
On Saturday, the Kauai Freeride Mob went out riding again. I was hoping to get through the day without any riding since I spent the whole night before blowing my nose and coughing up muccus. I was wrong. I got away with only making one run though. It was pretty tough. I was gasping and hurting. It was really hard to breathe. (See? Big baby.) I did get some nice footage and also got to test out the new helmet cam I got. Unfortunately the cam was pointing too far down, so I got about 20 minutes of Riley's front tire.
Today was a perfect example of how lucky I am. Not only did I have to ride a mountain bike at 2000 feet elevation while sick, but right in the middle of the ride, I get a call from a girl wanting to ride motorcycles. Sigh.
This was her:
This is what I was with all day:
This is what went riding on motorcycles: (Pic stolen, of course.)
Yeah, I was grumbling the whole time saying we needed:
Hehe. But truth be told, I was probably better off on the mtb today. It could have been dangerous to ride a sportbike fast when you're not 100%
Every hero has a secret identity. Even us "weird" ones. You know, those strange heroes that so-called friends tend not to simply accept, but to persecute and harass. Hey, not everyone was born pretty, or handsome, or talented you know. And, and, and, brains can be kewl too.
Deep breaths, deep breath. Ah, who am I kidding. Like Sockfoot says: women want a testosterone-filled Adonis to impregnate them, but then they want Milquetoast to raise their kids right. I digress.
My secret identity is that of Milquetoast. I spend my days educating the offspring of some pretty messed up marriages sometimes. You see, Adonis doesn't stick around for long. My kind, caring nature lets me build a rapport with kids and lets me be a significant adult to those in need. It's a heroic, yet unassuming identity.
When I am not at work, I assume the identity of Ears. It is my duty to fight/commit crime of the moving violation sort.
29 Oct 06: I notice many people staring at me. Is there another spider on my helmet? It can't be that they're attracted to me. They can't see my face. Or maybe it's the lack of a visual that makes me appealing. Odd.
Several people parked along the side of the road did double-takes. When I pulled in to the canyon lookout, a group of late-20s tourists stopped chatting and watched me park. A lady came out of the bathroom, looked at me, then stopped in the road and stared until I came to a complete stop.
Weirdos. What the hell are they looking at?
Usually on Sundays I have a lot of time. I'm usually waiting for some other bikers to show up. The only one that does show up regularly is a male. It ties in to a theory that I have about only attracting other males.
Anyway, since I have a few hours to kill, I make several runs up and down the mountain. One time, as I was gearing up, a crowd of tourists, probably an extended family, waited and watched me get ready to go. Their littlest boy, a 3ish year old, seemed enthralled by my ears. He couldn't stop staring. So I waved at him as I left. Kids love that crap. It's like when a bigrig blows that airhorn. rawr!!!!
Ears: Cool. The color of these ears match my bike. Scott: Yeah. And they're pretty noticable. I could see them when I passed you. Ears: Hey, they really do their job. And they also do something else. Earlier there was this tall, cute Japanese tourist. See saw the ears and was watching me gear up. I could hear her saying, "kawaii..." (cute)
******Ears' Fantasy Begins****** Asian chick: Sugoi Ears! Marry me and make me an American. I will give you many children and you will die of sexual exhaustion. Ears: (Elvis voice) Why sure...
Other Asian Chicks: Chottomatte! Atashi mo Ears wa daisuke desu! He's mine, b!tch!
******Ears' Fantasy Ends******
White Male Tourist: Hey, nice tail. Cool. Ears: Um, thanks.
WMT: Wow, you got ears too. Those are cool. Scott: Seems cute Japanese girls aren't the only thing they attract. Ears: . . . (pause) You know, this place is why I don't pee at urinals without dividers. Everyone wants to make conversation with me in there. (points at restroom)
*****Update 7 Nov.*****
Try not to leave comments on this blog. It will get deleted on the next update.
So after the farce that was the Fourth of November, Lornette finally got new shoes on her bike. She mounted the wheels back on her bike all by herself. She got wrenching skillz yo. (pinch bolts cough).
Now for those that don't ride, new tires can be scary. They're very smooth and slippery to the touch. They have low traction until they are "scrubbed," in. That means riding on the tires so that the contact patch area becomes rough to the touch. The trick is to not lean the bike over on completely fresh sections. You need to carefully scrub the tires to the edges cm by cm.
So Lorny got fresh shoes on her bike. We head out to Kokee as usual. I had the camera mounted on the bike again, ala duct tape. After a quick side adventure, the purpose of which I shall not mention for fear of retribution, we were off.
Here's the video. Keep in mind that Lorny has NOT YET SCRUBBED IN HER TIRES. Nutcase. The song choice is another story. When we picked up Lornette's bike, she had the Tokyo Drift soundtrack playing. I thought it sounded like a faux jpop techno thing. I figured it would be fitting to use the real thing.
*****Updated 10 Nov*****
Gees. No one gonna help me out? You guys could have caught the mistake on my dates. Gah. Anyway, Since Mel is being a brutish oaf, I guess you can leave comments. Just keep in mind that I can never get the edit thing to work and I am actually reposting this blog as new.
Lorny called me on my cell today. It was sunny and she wanted to play.
Up the mountain, on our bikes we shot. Lorny thought her riding was good, but it really was not.
No matter how hard she tried and tried, Her chicken strips remained over an inch wide.
Changing the subject to her clothes, she showed me the special riding jeans she chose.
The label said it was not a low-rise. It didn't matter as she pushed the waist down to her thighs.
The pants bunched up around her groin, and I could swear I felt a stir in my loins.
She felt herself up and then she checked to see if she had a peepee and if it was erect.
I couldn't believe it, I could only watch; this wonderful exhibition going on at her crotch.
But some tourist came by to ruin the show. What was even worse, one was a big, fat ho.
She was a large one, all flab and big gut. She waddled when she walked, and picked at her butt.
At least the others were skinny and nice. They were friendly and spoke to us twice.
They talked of my ears and said they were cute. See that Lorn? This shows I'm no fruit.
We decided to get pizza and work on Lorn's bike. Brick Oven Pizza, yup, that's what we like.
Lorny tried to order the pizza over the phone. "I like pizza," Ears would crazily drone.
She tried to be serious and kept up her guard, but Ears wouldn't stop. He was a retard.
Pizza for dinner, no need for a plate. Who cares about being thinner, it's time to gain weight.
Lorny did Sally's diner orgasm scene. Her moans were so good, I thought I would cream.
Dinner was over and on to the job. We got a bit dirty and I looked like a slob.
We loosened some nuts and raised up a fork. Lorny tightened things up and double checked the torque.
Then I got stupid and offered an idea. The next time I do that, God, give me diarrhea.
"Since we're here let's do your suspension." I did my best to bring it to her attention.
So once again with wrench in hand; we tackled the bike like we had just planned.
Then it happened. Something went wrong. A simple procedure started to take all night long.
Lorny got angry with fire in her eyes. "I'll kill you, Ears, and no one will hear the cries."
I stepped back and trembled in fear. All I could manage was, "yes dear, yes dear."
I kept working and would not stop. I was afraid that Lorny would pop.
And eventually the work was finally done. "Just in time," as she put down the gun.
Lorn was gleeful and she pulled on her boots. Lucky for me, she forgot our disputes.
She hopped on her bike for pleasure and fun. I didn't even notice, I was watching a bum.
The question remains if after all this clatter: Will the changes we made really even matter?
Given my reputation and the Nonwheezer curse, I probably didn't help, I just made things a lot worse.
But she's happy, as happy as a toy dog. "Now go home Ears, and write me another blog."
Added:
It's a fact that pizza and I don't mix. Eating too much of it give me my kicks. As the dawn's early morning light had shone, I found myself stuck on the throne.
*****Updated 18 Nov.*****
Version 2 of the 17 Nov. video. I didn't like the footage from the old video. I played with the zoom to crop out some things, and it made the footage look slow. For the new video, I readjusted the camera mount and set the zoom back to normal.
And about 20 German tourists nearly mobbed me to check out my ears. Blitzkreig aiyeee!!!
This is for my detractors. And this is me now laughing.
The ears, folks, they work! The ears have the magical ability to make me less of a stuck up b!tch, and much more approachable. They also increase my visibility on the road tremendously. I can't really prove that last statement, but because I said it, it's now a scientific fact.
You see, one of the greatest dangers to a motorcyclist is the inattentive driver. I read somewhere that about 75% of motorcycle accidents are caused by cagers, or car drivers. If you follow any motorcycle online message boards, you always read about some accident or another each week. The consensus is anything that makes us more visible on the road is good. Ears are good.
For some reason the ears are a hit with kids. No matter where they are, in a car, on the street, in a field, they will stop and look at me. They get a huge kick out of seeing the tiger eared biker.
Prior to the ears, it was rare that anyone would approach me at the lookout. Many people would pass the bike and nod or say, "nice bike." That was about it. Now that I have the ears, people aren't so afraid to approach and start a conversation, or at least try to get a better look.
The first week I had the ears, a tour guide got a look at them and yelled across the parking lot that the ears were cute. A cute, and really tall, Japanese girl stopped to watch me put on my gear. She kept saying, "kawaii." That means "cute." (I mentioned this before.) Now all I need is another bus load of Okinawan college girls. Lornette likes to tease me about it, but she just doesn't understand. A bus load of Japanese college girls. Right Guys? (Girls, think of a bus load of Ross's.)
(The second girl is Thai, but I wanted to show the impact of seeing more than one beautiful girl at a time.)
The other day I hinted in another blog that some tourist came and spoke with us. One of them said the ears were cute and that she recognized me from the town. They were at a shop on the side of the street eating shaved ice (snow cones). See how visible I am?
Today I got up to the lookout and just as I started to take off my helmet, a lady ran up to me.
"Those ears are great! I just have to take a picture of them. Can you put your helmet back on?"
And as I was leaving, another tourist started calling out to me. I had a hard time hearing him since I had my helmet on and was facing away, but he persisted.
"Sir, I just gotta tell you. The bike itself is awesome. But the helmet, the helmet makes it fukking phenomenal! My wife saw them and said, 'what the hell?' She thinks they're the coolest."
So there you have it. Irrefutable anecdotal evidence that my ears have been increasing my visibility and have been attracting people to me. Mission accomplished. Even the Fonz likes them. Ayyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Ah, a bright, sunny day. I shall wake up Fonto since no one likes to sleep in on their days off. I will call him and TELL him to ride with me. (A bit later) Ah, a bright, sunny day. I shall call Nonwheezer and ask him to go riding. Surely he will accept my offer since I ditched him the last three weeks. Doesn't matter if he was about to go to the store. He'll change his plans since he's a sucker.
(after a bit of scrambling and preparations, the riders meet.)
"So like, hey dude, are you ready to ride? WTF is with that camera? Like my plates? It says I go 550 KMH."
And then it begins...
"Oh no! It's peeling! I don't want to ride."
And thus begins the 6 hour scramble to try and remove Lorny's wheels. Of course the only correct tool we had all day was a 10mm socket. It was like the opening scene of 2001: A Space Odyssey. We were the apes throwing bones and stuff.
So after 6 hours, that's SIX hours, you know, three hundred sixty minutes, and a cancelled ride, we got served lunch.
Oh, the wheels came off in 5 minutes once we had the right tools.
The above is a bit of wishful thinking seeing as the reality is shown below.
I wanna see that evade high speed pursuit. tee hee!
The Pitbull Stands look awesome.
Now here are the heroes of this escapade. The two most understanding, kind, mofos you will ever meet in this lifetime and the next: Fonto and Nonwheezer!
Real Genius (1985) starring Val Kilmer. It was a movie that gave Kilmer boost in Hollywood. It was a movie embraced by nerds and commonfolk alike.
This movie follows two teenaged geniuses as they try to survive through college. They have to perfect a powerful laser as their final project. Along the way, they have to deal with a devious professor and a jealous classmate. Oh, and the Air Force gets involved too.
But the real genius of Real Genius is the little life lessons hidden within the great dialogue. Many people discount this movie as a geek movie, but it is right up there with the other greats such as Apocalypse Now.
Jordan: Are you going to take me home to meet your parents? Mitch: No, I don't think so .Jordan: Why? Are you ashamed of me? Mitch: No, them. Jordan: Oh. You should never have friends you're ashamed of. Parents, on the other hand, you got no choice in the matter.
Lazlo Hollyfeld: Did you wanna borrow my pajamas? Real friends are willing to give you the shirt off their back, or their pajamas. Whichever.
Lazlo Hollyfeld: How did you do? Chris Knight: I passed... then I failed. Lazlo Hollyfeld: Then I'm happy... and sad for you. You don't always have to win to be the victor.
Chris Knight: You see Mitch, I used to be you. Lately I've been missing me so I asked Dr. Hathaway if I could room with me again and he said sure. It's nice when friends share common interests, hobbies, activities.
[Chris is holding a lab beaker with pink liquid in it] Chris Knight: Here Mitch taste this. Too sweet? Mitch: No... what is it? Chris Knight: I don't know, I found it in one of the labs. [Mitch starts to wipe out his mouth] Chris Knight: I'm just kidding. It's yogurt. It's great to trust your friends, but make sure you look before you leap. They may be playing pranks on you.
Mitch: This is coherent light. Mitch's dad: Oh, so it talks. Sometimes people won't understand what you say, but it's ok.
[last lines] 'Ick' Ikagami: Do you think it's getting weird around here? Chris Knight: Absolutely. It's ok to have some weirdness. Weirdness makes life fun. It's the absence of weirdness that should be considered scary.
Chris Knight: Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, "I drank what?" You're not the first one who has problems, and you won't be the last. Try talking to someone. They may know what you're going through, or how to help.
[Chris Knight is trying to hit on Susan, a beautiful woman he finds in Professor Hathaway's house] Chris Knight: So, if there's anything I can do for you, or, more to the point, to you, you just let me know. Susan: Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis? Chris Knight: Not right now. Susan: A girl's gotta have her standards. [She walks out] This is why I am single.
Professor Hathaway: Mitch, will you miss your friends? Mitch: Well, no. I think I intimidate other kids. Professor Hathaway: Good boy. And this is why I have few friends.
Professor Hathaway: What are you looking at? You're laborers; you should be laboring. That's what you get for not having an education. Study hard so you don't have to work at some dick's house.
Chris Knight: If you think that by threatening me you can get me to do what you want... Well, that's where you're right. But - and I am only saying that because I care - there's a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing. There is nothing wrong with licking boot. Bow down and kiss arse. Nope, nothing wrong with it if the owner of said boot and arse is in a position of power over you. (or is hot)
[to Chris] Mitch: We have to get back at Dr. Hathaway, it's a moral imperative. However, after you lick boot, you need to find some sort of revenge/vent/closure or you'll pop.
Mitch: You know, um, something strange happened to me this morning... Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid, with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you? Mitch: No... Chris Knight: Why, am I the only one who has that dream? Glad to know I'm not the only one with wacky dreams. Everyone has some weird thing going on in their head. That doesn't make them less than normal.
[Mitch Taylor speaking through the microphone so that Kent hears voices in his head] Mitch: And from now on, stop playing with yourself. Kent: It is God. God likes to watch us masturbate.
[In the men's room] Jordan: Are you peeing? Mitch: Uh, I can't start. Jordan: Because I'm here? Mitch: I think so. Jordan: Weird. Well I have to go. Mitch: Me too. There it is! That is an example of the unspoken rule of urinals!
Professor Hathaway: I want to see more of you around the lab. Chris Knight: Fine. I'll gain weight. Work smarter, not harder. Saves you effort.
Chris Knight: You didn't touch anything, did you? Mitch: No. Chris Knight: Good. Because all of my filth is arranged in alphabetical order. This, for instance, is under 'H' for "toy. Mitch: What is it? Chris Knight: It's a penis stretcher. Do you want to try it? Mitch: No. Chris Knight: I'm just kidding. It's yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility. Some of us think and learn in different ways. One person's mess may be another person's spatial organizational system. And penis toys make long diversions.
Chris Knight: Look at it this way. Considering the type of people you are and the environment you're in, you have to admit the strong possibility this may be the only chance you ever have in your entire lives... to have sex. Yet another reason I am single. Sigh...
Jordan: I never sleep, I don't know why. I had a roommate and I drove her nuts, I mean really nuts, they had to take her away in an ambulance and everything. But she's okay now, but she had to transfer to an easier school, but I don't know if that had anything to do with being my fault. But listen, if you ever need to talk or you need help studying just let me know, 'cause I'm just a couple doors down from you guys and I never sleep, okay? True friends are always there for you. Even 24 hours a day. Try and call a friend at 3AM to see how true a friend they are.
Professor Hathaway: When you first started at Pacific Tech you were well on your way to becoming another Einstein and then you know what happened? Chris Knight: I got a haircut? It's ok to let your hair down so long as people don't mistake you for someone else.
Chris Knight: Moles and trolls, moles and trolls, work, work, work, work, work. We never see the light of day. We plan this thing for weeks and all they want to do is study. I'm disgusted. I'm sorry but it's not like me, I'm depressed. There was what, no one at the mutant hamster races and we had one entry into the Madame Curie look-alike contest and he was disqualified later. Why do I bother? All work and no play...
[Looking at Dr. Meredith's bunny slippers, then his own] Chris Knight: May I say, sir, I admire your taste in footwear. Be yourself. Don't try to conform if it hurts your identity of self.
rawr!!!!
