The other day I stuck my camera on my bike's fender. I figured I would look at my lower body as I ride and see if I'm making any major mistakes. I did learn that with my current riding style, I will never safely drag knee on the streets. However, It feels and looks natural, so I'm going to stick with it.
Since I had some video footage, and I was bored, I slapped them together and added music. I uploaded the video to YouTube, but I really wasn't planning on sharing. You only really see from my left butt cheek to my ankle. However, it seems that someone has been looking at the video anyway. I guess I should just post it.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Miss Lonely
One day a kid asked me, "why do some girls always need to have a boyfriend?"
I had some answers that question, but I decided to let the kids discuss it themselves. Teachers aren't only responsible for children's intellectual growth, but emotional and social as well. Sometimes you have to let the kids deal with the life issues instead of reading and writing.
After their discussion, I asked the kids, "so why do some girls need to always have a boyfriend?" A couple of kids responded by saying that the girls just want to be able to gloat over their unattached peers. A few more said that some girls want someone they can love.
Awwwww, how sweet.
However, the majority of the kids said that girls need boyfriends because they feel lonely. Some even said that girls can get desperate. A bunch said it in a nicer way such as, "wanting someone other than family to care for them." Bottom line: Girls are lonely.
Of course this didn't come as a surprise. I have/had some friends who are the type to always have a boyfriend. They jump from guy to guy to guy, but never really find that right one. Heck, they're lucky if the one they pick up even treats them nice. One girl used to tell me, "I don't want Mr. Right. I want Mr. Right Now." She ended up in a lame marriage that fell apart. She might have gotten into drugs too.
So this drive to not be lonely easily leads girls into disastrous relationships. Usually nice guys come around to pick up the pieces, then get to watch the girl totally ruin her life yet again. Isn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same mistakes over and over again?
After learning what I've learned, I don't think I will be willing to pick up any pieces. At least not for free. It might be more fun in the short term to point fingers and laugh while doing the, "I told you so," bit. In the long run, it might be better too since I won't have to put up with a bunch of emotional crap. Ooooo win win.
Anyway, to any girls out there that need to use guys for backbones, perhaps it's time to start learning how to be ok with yourself. Also, try getting a few good friends. Don't forget to treat them nice. Good friends will help you a lot more than bad partners.
I had some answers that question, but I decided to let the kids discuss it themselves. Teachers aren't only responsible for children's intellectual growth, but emotional and social as well. Sometimes you have to let the kids deal with the life issues instead of reading and writing.
After their discussion, I asked the kids, "so why do some girls need to always have a boyfriend?" A couple of kids responded by saying that the girls just want to be able to gloat over their unattached peers. A few more said that some girls want someone they can love.
Awwwww, how sweet.
However, the majority of the kids said that girls need boyfriends because they feel lonely. Some even said that girls can get desperate. A bunch said it in a nicer way such as, "wanting someone other than family to care for them." Bottom line: Girls are lonely.
Of course this didn't come as a surprise. I have/had some friends who are the type to always have a boyfriend. They jump from guy to guy to guy, but never really find that right one. Heck, they're lucky if the one they pick up even treats them nice. One girl used to tell me, "I don't want Mr. Right. I want Mr. Right Now." She ended up in a lame marriage that fell apart. She might have gotten into drugs too.
So this drive to not be lonely easily leads girls into disastrous relationships. Usually nice guys come around to pick up the pieces, then get to watch the girl totally ruin her life yet again. Isn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same mistakes over and over again?
After learning what I've learned, I don't think I will be willing to pick up any pieces. At least not for free. It might be more fun in the short term to point fingers and laugh while doing the, "I told you so," bit. In the long run, it might be better too since I won't have to put up with a bunch of emotional crap. Ooooo win win.
Anyway, to any girls out there that need to use guys for backbones, perhaps it's time to start learning how to be ok with yourself. Also, try getting a few good friends. Don't forget to treat them nice. Good friends will help you a lot more than bad partners.
Monday, November 27, 2006
KFM Playground Video
I ride mountain bikes.
A friend of mine started to ride XC after work for some crosstraining. He's a motorcross racer. Then it spread to my brother and his other coworkers. Eventually it reached me.
I had broken my stationary bike and purchased an elliptical trainer as a replacement. I was never happy with the elliptical. It seemed to work the smaller muscles of my legs rather than the larger thighs and glutes. I felt I was not getting the workout I used to get. So when my brother suggested I join them after work for some XC bicycling, I jumped at the chance.
I started off on my brother's old Trek 3900. It's a hardtail, which means there is no rear suspension. It's harder on the bumps, but with no shock absorber to absorb pedaling energy, it's an efficient bike. I soon wished for more though. I had dreams of being 10 again and hitting some big dirt jumps. I started looking into a full suspension bike of my own.
If you haven't priced mountain bikes, be prepared for some sticker shock. The bikes can easily run up to $4000-5000. And no, you cannot do with a Walmart special for $99. That's like buying a Yugo for NASCAR duties. Luckily, I found an entry-level Haro X6.
The X6 is a cheaper version of the X7, a decent mountain bike. What that means is that some of the parts are a cheaper, lower-end models. However, it sold for only $1000, which is cheap for real MTBs (mountain bikes). It's also an all-mountain type bike. It falls right in between the XC and Downhill archetypes of MTB. The XC bikes usually have about 4" of suspension travel and are built lighter for speed. The downhill bikes are more robust with 7-10" of travel. They're designed to descend mountains and hit anything in their way without stopping. They're also hard to pedal. The All-Mountain bikes fit right in between.
For the past several months, we've been going up the mountain for some real mountain biking. The trails we ride on include fast single-track action, log jumps, big drops, cliffs, etc. I have learned that people older than 18 should look twice before leaping.
Yes, I have crashed many times.
Now because fear and self-preservation beat my skill and technique, I relegated myself to the group's documenter. The added bonus of this is that I don't get to be infront of the cameras. This is a good thing. I'm so un-photogenic that my last pic was mistaken as evidence for Big Foot.
Enough gilding the lilly. Here is the result of our last two trips up the mountain. Yet another video by yours truly:
PS: I know the unintelligentsia won't see this because clicking links is too much of a bother, but I did crash yet again on this last trip. It was bad enough to knock the wind out of me for a few minutes, and now my shoulder is messed up.
PPS: For those that don't know, the unintelligentsia thrive on my mishaps.
A friend of mine started to ride XC after work for some crosstraining. He's a motorcross racer. Then it spread to my brother and his other coworkers. Eventually it reached me.
I had broken my stationary bike and purchased an elliptical trainer as a replacement. I was never happy with the elliptical. It seemed to work the smaller muscles of my legs rather than the larger thighs and glutes. I felt I was not getting the workout I used to get. So when my brother suggested I join them after work for some XC bicycling, I jumped at the chance.
I started off on my brother's old Trek 3900. It's a hardtail, which means there is no rear suspension. It's harder on the bumps, but with no shock absorber to absorb pedaling energy, it's an efficient bike. I soon wished for more though. I had dreams of being 10 again and hitting some big dirt jumps. I started looking into a full suspension bike of my own.
If you haven't priced mountain bikes, be prepared for some sticker shock. The bikes can easily run up to $4000-5000. And no, you cannot do with a Walmart special for $99. That's like buying a Yugo for NASCAR duties. Luckily, I found an entry-level Haro X6.
The X6 is a cheaper version of the X7, a decent mountain bike. What that means is that some of the parts are a cheaper, lower-end models. However, it sold for only $1000, which is cheap for real MTBs (mountain bikes). It's also an all-mountain type bike. It falls right in between the XC and Downhill archetypes of MTB. The XC bikes usually have about 4" of suspension travel and are built lighter for speed. The downhill bikes are more robust with 7-10" of travel. They're designed to descend mountains and hit anything in their way without stopping. They're also hard to pedal. The All-Mountain bikes fit right in between.
For the past several months, we've been going up the mountain for some real mountain biking. The trails we ride on include fast single-track action, log jumps, big drops, cliffs, etc. I have learned that people older than 18 should look twice before leaping.
Yes, I have crashed many times.
Now because fear and self-preservation beat my skill and technique, I relegated myself to the group's documenter. The added bonus of this is that I don't get to be infront of the cameras. This is a good thing. I'm so un-photogenic that my last pic was mistaken as evidence for Big Foot.
Enough gilding the lilly. Here is the result of our last two trips up the mountain. Yet another video by yours truly:
PS: I know the unintelligentsia won't see this because clicking links is too much of a bother, but I did crash yet again on this last trip. It was bad enough to knock the wind out of me for a few minutes, and now my shoulder is messed up.
PPS: For those that don't know, the unintelligentsia thrive on my mishaps.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Biker Safety
Not a real post, but I just wanted to share. Anything that makes you more visible on the road is good!
Friday, November 24, 2006
Acoustic Cancellation
A while ago I posted a video of me riding up Waimea Canyon on two motorcycle forums. The responses from the first forum, Sportbike Network, commented on how stylish my helmet ears were and how nice the road looked. The audience on SVRider was a bit of a different crowd. Everyone wanted a different soundtrack. Only one person replied that he liked my song. Sigh. And I went out of my way to find Cheap Trick's Reach Out because I remembered it from Heavy Metal.
Anyway, I decided to record my entire run without music so everyone can hear my miss-shifts and botched downshifts.
This first video starts off at nearly sea-level and goes up until a spot called FM. Why it is called that, I have no idea. Seems we have tons of weird nicknames for these places.
This second video picks up from FM and goes to the Y Junction. I normally call it the "intersection," but GSXRGrrrl insists I call it the Y Junction. Whatever. Do keep in mind that when I hear Y, I remember the old joke of, "eating at the Y."
Don't worry, I know those mountain bikers I passed.
I do have to apologize for this last video. I know I promised not to use my super-powers for selfish reasons, but my camera batteries were running low, and it was going to rain soon. I just had to make the SUV infront of me disappear.
Here is the third leg of my run. It goes from the Y to the first lookout. There's another 5 minutes or so of twisties past this area, but I don't go there. The road tends to be in crappier condition and there's no good place to stop. At the first lookout you have working bathrooms, a nice parking lot, and many tourists to practice your voyeur skills on.
You can see that I still need practice on being a voyeur.
Anyway, I decided to record my entire run without music so everyone can hear my miss-shifts and botched downshifts.
This first video starts off at nearly sea-level and goes up until a spot called FM. Why it is called that, I have no idea. Seems we have tons of weird nicknames for these places.
This second video picks up from FM and goes to the Y Junction. I normally call it the "intersection," but GSXRGrrrl insists I call it the Y Junction. Whatever. Do keep in mind that when I hear Y, I remember the old joke of, "eating at the Y."
Don't worry, I know those mountain bikers I passed.
I do have to apologize for this last video. I know I promised not to use my super-powers for selfish reasons, but my camera batteries were running low, and it was going to rain soon. I just had to make the SUV infront of me disappear.
Here is the third leg of my run. It goes from the Y to the first lookout. There's another 5 minutes or so of twisties past this area, but I don't go there. The road tends to be in crappier condition and there's no good place to stop. At the first lookout you have working bathrooms, a nice parking lot, and many tourists to practice your voyeur skills on.
You can see that I still need practice on being a voyeur.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
The Antonym: Good Guy Gets the Girl
Once in a great while a nice guy actually finishes in first. It's a very rare event, however. So rare that it only happens in some foreign country where the first language is not English. It is such an incredible event that it becomes a best selling novel, movie, and tv series.
This is Densha Otoko (Train Man). I have heard that the story is true, and I have heard that the story is an urban legend. I believe it's true just because I need hope. If you don't know, hope is what us have-nots look forward to. On the other hand, the haves don't even need hope because they always get what they want.
Densha Otoko started as a thread on a singles messageboard. It followed the story of one man, Densha, as he tried to win the heart of a lady known as Hermes. She got that nickname because she gave Densha a set of Hermes teacups. The story was later published as a novel, then made into a movie and tv drama.
Here's the movie cover:
And the drama:
Densha Otoko is your average Otaku. Otaku can be roughly translated as Fanatic. There are anime, comic, train, army, etc otaku. They are basically geeks that cool people would tend to avoid. Their Mecca is Akihabara, Tokyo. That district sells any electronic, anime, manga item known to man.
Densha is a nice, quiet, shy guy who is pretty anonymous in his company. He's never had a girlfriend, and never had a date. He spends his days off in Akihabara checking out the new anime and computer games.
One evening on the train, he sees a pretty OL (Office Lady, a Japanese term) sitting across from him. He's smitten. The lady, later known as Hermes, comes from a well to do family. She works at some kind of international company, and is well educated and smart.
However, there is a drunkard on the train also. The drunkard starts to cuss and harass the other passengers. Being polite, non-confrontational Japanese, the other passengers try their best to ignore the drunk, at least until the drunk goes after Hermes.
When the drunk accosts Hermes, Densha steps up and defends her. He struggles with the drunk until train security gets there and takes control. As a token of appreciation, Hermes sends Densha a set of Hermes teacups. From there on, Densha gets advice from thousands of internet fans on how to win the girl. In the end, he succeeds.
Probably helps that he looks like this when he fixes himself up:
Sorry. This pic was taken as a promo for the actor's latest drama about a high school ace pitcher.
So the lesson here is that even good guys can win in life. It's just that the odds are extremely slim. You got one success in a metropolis of about 14 million people. The "good guy" also had star-quality good looks.
Unfortunately, I look like this:
So I may need a city larger than 20 million for me to win just one.
Misogynistic Lover
Earlier this week there was a story which ran on the frontpage of the Honolulu newspaper. It showed that domestic violence is on the rise. It also had the picture of four women on the Big Island who were recently murdered as a result of domestic violence.
Now I don't condone violence against women, but I do have to wonder if these women did not put themselves in harm's way. Whenever they run these stories on the news, you always find out that the men that these women were with had a history of violence, drugs, domestic violence, theft, and various other crimes. Um... If I don't want to get bit by sharks, I don't go in the water with open wounds. If I don't want to get hit by cars, I don't play on the street. If I don't want to get murdered by a spouse/significant other, I don't hook up with criminals (not hard to do since I'm still single... sigh...).
I know Sockfoot, being experienced with many divorces, had explained it all to me before, but it still surprises me. I guess men will never understand women because women are irrational. Anyway, back to the point.
I've been rewatching several of my J-dramas again. Currently I'm watching a show called Hana Yori Dango. It fits perfectly with my topic.
This is Makino Tsukushi:
She comes from a poor family. She earned a scholarship at one of the most expensive private high schools in Japan. She's a tough kid, but is constantly being picked on because of her family's income.
Here is the F4:
They're the sons of the four richest families in Japan. They also run the school, and call themselves the F4, or Four Flowers. Not sure the gay meaning of that, but um, yeah.
Now if you cross the F4 and piss them off, they give you a red tag. Once you get a red tag, the entire school picks on you and harasses you until you drop out of school.
Tsukushi got a red tag from the F4 when she stood up to Domyouji Tsukasa, the leader of the F4.
During the course of the drama series, Tsukasa destroys Tsukushi's lunch, yells at her, threatens to kill her, kidnaps her, gets people to almost rape her, has people attack her, punches out her friend's boyfriend, and causes major grief to her family. He's hotheaded, has a quick temper, is violent, and isn't too bright.
On the other hand, Hanazawa Rui is quite different.
He's kind, quiet, and caring. He does not participate in the F4 hazings. He saved Tsukushi from being raped... twice. He also rescued her when she was being made the fool at a high class cocktail party. He's rich, but unpretentious. He's not a stuck up high class jerk. He also thinks of others whenever he does something.
Guess which guy Tsukushi ends up with.
Rui? Haha. Wrong!
She ends up with the jerk, but you already knew that. I bet all of you that read this knew it before I said it.
I'm thinking either women need to start thinking rationally, or they need to come with some sort of instructions or signs to help us out.
Now I don't condone violence against women, but I do have to wonder if these women did not put themselves in harm's way. Whenever they run these stories on the news, you always find out that the men that these women were with had a history of violence, drugs, domestic violence, theft, and various other crimes. Um... If I don't want to get bit by sharks, I don't go in the water with open wounds. If I don't want to get hit by cars, I don't play on the street. If I don't want to get murdered by a spouse/significant other, I don't hook up with criminals (not hard to do since I'm still single... sigh...).
I know Sockfoot, being experienced with many divorces, had explained it all to me before, but it still surprises me. I guess men will never understand women because women are irrational. Anyway, back to the point.
I've been rewatching several of my J-dramas again. Currently I'm watching a show called Hana Yori Dango. It fits perfectly with my topic.
This is Makino Tsukushi:
She comes from a poor family. She earned a scholarship at one of the most expensive private high schools in Japan. She's a tough kid, but is constantly being picked on because of her family's income.
Here is the F4:
They're the sons of the four richest families in Japan. They also run the school, and call themselves the F4, or Four Flowers. Not sure the gay meaning of that, but um, yeah.
Now if you cross the F4 and piss them off, they give you a red tag. Once you get a red tag, the entire school picks on you and harasses you until you drop out of school.
Tsukushi got a red tag from the F4 when she stood up to Domyouji Tsukasa, the leader of the F4.
During the course of the drama series, Tsukasa destroys Tsukushi's lunch, yells at her, threatens to kill her, kidnaps her, gets people to almost rape her, has people attack her, punches out her friend's boyfriend, and causes major grief to her family. He's hotheaded, has a quick temper, is violent, and isn't too bright.
On the other hand, Hanazawa Rui is quite different.
He's kind, quiet, and caring. He does not participate in the F4 hazings. He saved Tsukushi from being raped... twice. He also rescued her when she was being made the fool at a high class cocktail party. He's rich, but unpretentious. He's not a stuck up high class jerk. He also thinks of others whenever he does something.
Guess which guy Tsukushi ends up with.
Rui? Haha. Wrong!
She ends up with the jerk, but you already knew that. I bet all of you that read this knew it before I said it.
I'm thinking either women need to start thinking rationally, or they need to come with some sort of instructions or signs to help us out.
The Weather and Processed Meats
If you're one of my three fans, you would have noticed that I haven't really written anything interesting lately. I'll have you know that I'm not dead yet, but I do feel nearly there.
For the past week I've been dealing with a strange odor at school. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the chilli for lunch, but it was still a discomfort. I've also been fighting a cold. When I get sick, I tend to act like a big baby.
Yeah, I basically cry and soil myself whenever I feel like it.
I've also been spending a lot of time learning how to use Windows Movie Maker. I guess I'm really trying to get my money's worth on the digital camcorder I bought. One of the movies I made this week is on my Sportbike Chronicle blog. I didn't like the first version, so I spent about 3 hours recording my runs in the mountain to make another version.
The other movie I made is another MTB movie. Riley is an attention whore, so he asked me to film him while we did our afternoon rides.
Here's the video.
On Saturday, the Kauai Freeride Mob went out riding again. I was hoping to get through the day without any riding since I spent the whole night before blowing my nose and coughing up muccus. I was wrong. I got away with only making one run though. It was pretty tough. I was gasping and hurting. It was really hard to breathe. (See? Big baby.) I did get some nice footage and also got to test out the new helmet cam I got. Unfortunately the cam was pointing too far down, so I got about 20 minutes of Riley's front tire.
Today was a perfect example of how lucky I am. Not only did I have to ride a mountain bike at 2000 feet elevation while sick, but right in the middle of the ride, I get a call from a girl wanting to ride motorcycles. Sigh.
This was her:
This is what I was with all day:
This is what went riding on motorcycles: (Pic stolen, of course.)
Yeah, I was grumbling the whole time saying we needed:
Hehe. But truth be told, I was probably better off on the mtb today. It could have been dangerous to ride a sportbike fast when you're not 100%
I guess the big baby needs a hug.
For the past week I've been dealing with a strange odor at school. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the chilli for lunch, but it was still a discomfort. I've also been fighting a cold. When I get sick, I tend to act like a big baby.
Yeah, I basically cry and soil myself whenever I feel like it.
I've also been spending a lot of time learning how to use Windows Movie Maker. I guess I'm really trying to get my money's worth on the digital camcorder I bought. One of the movies I made this week is on my Sportbike Chronicle blog. I didn't like the first version, so I spent about 3 hours recording my runs in the mountain to make another version.
The other movie I made is another MTB movie. Riley is an attention whore, so he asked me to film him while we did our afternoon rides.
Here's the video.
On Saturday, the Kauai Freeride Mob went out riding again. I was hoping to get through the day without any riding since I spent the whole night before blowing my nose and coughing up muccus. I was wrong. I got away with only making one run though. It was pretty tough. I was gasping and hurting. It was really hard to breathe. (See? Big baby.) I did get some nice footage and also got to test out the new helmet cam I got. Unfortunately the cam was pointing too far down, so I got about 20 minutes of Riley's front tire.
Today was a perfect example of how lucky I am. Not only did I have to ride a mountain bike at 2000 feet elevation while sick, but right in the middle of the ride, I get a call from a girl wanting to ride motorcycles. Sigh.
This was her:
This is what I was with all day:
This is what went riding on motorcycles: (Pic stolen, of course.)
Yeah, I was grumbling the whole time saying we needed:
Hehe. But truth be told, I was probably better off on the mtb today. It could have been dangerous to ride a sportbike fast when you're not 100%
I guess the big baby needs a hug.
Ears: A Sportbike Chronicle
Every hero has a secret identity. Even us "weird" ones. You know, those strange heroes that so-called friends tend not to simply accept, but to persecute and harass. Hey, not everyone was born pretty, or handsome, or talented you know. And, and, and, brains can be kewl too.
Deep breaths, deep breath. Ah, who am I kidding. Like Sockfoot says: women want a testosterone-filled Adonis to impregnate them, but then they want Milquetoast to raise their kids right. I digress.
My secret identity is that of Milquetoast. I spend my days educating the offspring of some pretty messed up marriages sometimes. You see, Adonis doesn't stick around for long. My kind, caring nature lets me build a rapport with kids and lets me be a significant adult to those in need. It's a heroic, yet unassuming identity.
When I am not at work, I assume the identity of Ears. It is my duty to fight/commit crime of the moving violation sort.
29 Oct 06: I notice many people staring at me. Is there another spider on my helmet? It can't be that they're attracted to me. They can't see my face. Or maybe it's the lack of a visual that makes me appealing. Odd.
Several people parked along the side of the road did double-takes. When I pulled in to the canyon lookout, a group of late-20s tourists stopped chatting and watched me park. A lady came out of the bathroom, looked at me, then stopped in the road and stared until I came to a complete stop.
Weirdos. What the hell are they looking at?
Usually on Sundays I have a lot of time. I'm usually waiting for some other bikers to show up. The only one that does show up regularly is a male. It ties in to a theory that I have about only attracting other males.
Anyway, since I have a few hours to kill, I make several runs up and down the mountain. One time, as I was gearing up, a crowd of tourists, probably an extended family, waited and watched me get ready to go. Their littlest boy, a 3ish year old, seemed enthralled by my ears. He couldn't stop staring. So I waved at him as I left. Kids love that crap. It's like when a bigrig blows that airhorn.
rawr!!!!
Ears: Cool. The color of these ears match my bike.
Scott: Yeah. And they're pretty noticable. I could see them when I passed you.
Ears: Hey, they really do their job. And they also do something else. Earlier there was this tall, cute Japanese tourist. See saw the ears and was watching me gear up. I could hear her saying, "kawaii..." (cute)
******Ears' Fantasy Begins******
Asian chick: Sugoi Ears! Marry me and make me an American. I will give you many children and you will die of sexual exhaustion.
Ears: (Elvis voice) Why sure...
Other Asian Chicks: Chottomatte! Atashi mo Ears wa daisuke desu! He's mine, b!tch!
******Ears' Fantasy Ends******
White Male Tourist: Hey, nice tail. Cool.
Ears: Um, thanks.
WMT: Wow, you got ears too. Those are cool.
Scott: Seems cute Japanese girls aren't the only thing they attract.
Ears: . . . (pause) You know, this place is why I don't pee at urinals without dividers. Everyone wants to make conversation with me in there. (points at restroom)
*****Update 7 Nov.*****
Try not to leave comments on this blog. It will get deleted on the next update.
So after the farce that was the Fourth of November, Lornette finally got new shoes on her bike. She mounted the wheels back on her bike all by herself. She got wrenching skillz yo. (pinch bolts cough).
Now for those that don't ride, new tires can be scary. They're very smooth and slippery to the touch. They have low traction until they are "scrubbed," in. That means riding on the tires so that the contact patch area becomes rough to the touch. The trick is to not lean the bike over on completely fresh sections. You need to carefully scrub the tires to the edges cm by cm.
So Lorny got fresh shoes on her bike. We head out to Kokee as usual. I had the camera mounted on the bike again, ala duct tape. After a quick side adventure, the purpose of which I shall not mention for fear of retribution, we were off.
Here's the video. Keep in mind that Lorny has NOT YET SCRUBBED IN HER TIRES. Nutcase. The song choice is another story. When we picked up Lornette's bike, she had the Tokyo Drift soundtrack playing. I thought it sounded like a faux jpop techno thing. I figured it would be fitting to use the real thing.
*****Updated 10 Nov*****
Gees. No one gonna help me out? You guys could have caught the mistake on my dates. Gah. Anyway, Since Mel is being a brutish oaf, I guess you can leave comments. Just keep in mind that I can never get the edit thing to work and I am actually reposting this blog as new.
Lorny called me on my cell today.
It was sunny and she wanted to play.
Up the mountain, on our bikes we shot.
Lorny thought her riding was good, but it really was not.
No matter how hard she tried and tried,
Her chicken strips remained over an inch wide.
Changing the subject to her clothes,
she showed me the special riding jeans she chose.
The label said it was not a low-rise.
It didn't matter as she pushed the waist down to her thighs.
The pants bunched up around her groin,
and I could swear I felt a stir in my loins.
She felt herself up and then she checked
to see if she had a peepee and if it was erect.
I couldn't believe it, I could only watch;
this wonderful exhibition going on at her crotch.
But some tourist came by to ruin the show.
What was even worse, one was a big, fat ho.
She was a large one, all flab and big gut.
She waddled when she walked, and picked at her butt.
At least the others were skinny and nice.
They were friendly and spoke to us twice.
They talked of my ears and said they were cute.
See that Lorn? This shows I'm no fruit.
We decided to get pizza and work on Lorn's bike.
Brick Oven Pizza, yup, that's what we like.
Lorny tried to order the pizza over the phone.
"I like pizza," Ears would crazily drone.
She tried to be serious and kept up her guard,
but Ears wouldn't stop. He was a retard.
Pizza for dinner, no need for a plate.
Who cares about being thinner, it's time to gain weight.
Lorny did Sally's diner orgasm scene.
Her moans were so good, I thought I would cream.
Dinner was over and on to the job.
We got a bit dirty and I looked like a slob.
We loosened some nuts and raised up a fork.
Lorny tightened things up and double checked the torque.
Then I got stupid and offered an idea.
The next time I do that, God, give me diarrhea.
"Since we're here let's do your suspension."
I did my best to bring it to her attention.
So once again with wrench in hand;
we tackled the bike like we had just planned.
Then it happened. Something went wrong.
A simple procedure started to take all night long.
Lorny got angry with fire in her eyes.
"I'll kill you, Ears, and no one will hear the cries."
I stepped back and trembled in fear.
All I could manage was, "yes dear, yes dear."
I kept working and would not stop.
I was afraid that Lorny would pop.
And eventually the work was finally done.
"Just in time," as she put down the gun.
Lorn was gleeful and she pulled on her boots.
Lucky for me, she forgot our disputes.
She hopped on her bike for pleasure and fun.
I didn't even notice, I was watching a bum.
The question remains if after all this clatter:
Will the changes we made really even matter?
Given my reputation and the Nonwheezer curse,
I probably didn't help, I just made things a lot worse.
But she's happy, as happy as a toy dog.
"Now go home Ears, and write me another blog."
Added:
It's a fact that pizza and I don't mix.
Eating too much of it give me my kicks.
As the dawn's early morning light had shone,
I found myself stuck on the throne.
*****Updated 18 Nov.*****
Version 2 of the 17 Nov. video. I didn't like the footage from the old video. I played with the zoom to crop out some things, and it made the footage look slow. For the new video, I readjusted the camera mount and set the zoom back to normal.
And about 20 German tourists nearly mobbed me to check out my ears. Blitzkreig aiyeee!!!
Deep breaths, deep breath. Ah, who am I kidding. Like Sockfoot says: women want a testosterone-filled Adonis to impregnate them, but then they want Milquetoast to raise their kids right. I digress.
My secret identity is that of Milquetoast. I spend my days educating the offspring of some pretty messed up marriages sometimes. You see, Adonis doesn't stick around for long. My kind, caring nature lets me build a rapport with kids and lets me be a significant adult to those in need. It's a heroic, yet unassuming identity.
When I am not at work, I assume the identity of Ears. It is my duty to fight/commit crime of the moving violation sort.
29 Oct 06: I notice many people staring at me. Is there another spider on my helmet? It can't be that they're attracted to me. They can't see my face. Or maybe it's the lack of a visual that makes me appealing. Odd.
Several people parked along the side of the road did double-takes. When I pulled in to the canyon lookout, a group of late-20s tourists stopped chatting and watched me park. A lady came out of the bathroom, looked at me, then stopped in the road and stared until I came to a complete stop.
Weirdos. What the hell are they looking at?
Usually on Sundays I have a lot of time. I'm usually waiting for some other bikers to show up. The only one that does show up regularly is a male. It ties in to a theory that I have about only attracting other males.
Anyway, since I have a few hours to kill, I make several runs up and down the mountain. One time, as I was gearing up, a crowd of tourists, probably an extended family, waited and watched me get ready to go. Their littlest boy, a 3ish year old, seemed enthralled by my ears. He couldn't stop staring. So I waved at him as I left. Kids love that crap. It's like when a bigrig blows that airhorn.
rawr!!!!Ears: Cool. The color of these ears match my bike.
Scott: Yeah. And they're pretty noticable. I could see them when I passed you.
Ears: Hey, they really do their job. And they also do something else. Earlier there was this tall, cute Japanese tourist. See saw the ears and was watching me gear up. I could hear her saying, "kawaii..." (cute)
******Ears' Fantasy Begins******
Asian chick: Sugoi Ears! Marry me and make me an American. I will give you many children and you will die of sexual exhaustion.
Ears: (Elvis voice) Why sure...
Other Asian Chicks: Chottomatte! Atashi mo Ears wa daisuke desu! He's mine, b!tch!
******Ears' Fantasy Ends******
White Male Tourist: Hey, nice tail. Cool.
Ears: Um, thanks.
WMT: Wow, you got ears too. Those are cool.
Scott: Seems cute Japanese girls aren't the only thing they attract.
Ears: . . . (pause) You know, this place is why I don't pee at urinals without dividers. Everyone wants to make conversation with me in there. (points at restroom)
*****Update 7 Nov.*****
Try not to leave comments on this blog. It will get deleted on the next update.
So after the farce that was the Fourth of November, Lornette finally got new shoes on her bike. She mounted the wheels back on her bike all by herself. She got wrenching skillz yo. (pinch bolts cough).
Now for those that don't ride, new tires can be scary. They're very smooth and slippery to the touch. They have low traction until they are "scrubbed," in. That means riding on the tires so that the contact patch area becomes rough to the touch. The trick is to not lean the bike over on completely fresh sections. You need to carefully scrub the tires to the edges cm by cm.
So Lorny got fresh shoes on her bike. We head out to Kokee as usual. I had the camera mounted on the bike again, ala duct tape. After a quick side adventure, the purpose of which I shall not mention for fear of retribution, we were off.
Here's the video. Keep in mind that Lorny has NOT YET SCRUBBED IN HER TIRES. Nutcase. The song choice is another story. When we picked up Lornette's bike, she had the Tokyo Drift soundtrack playing. I thought it sounded like a faux jpop techno thing. I figured it would be fitting to use the real thing.
*****Updated 10 Nov*****
Gees. No one gonna help me out? You guys could have caught the mistake on my dates. Gah. Anyway, Since Mel is being a brutish oaf, I guess you can leave comments. Just keep in mind that I can never get the edit thing to work and I am actually reposting this blog as new.
Lorny called me on my cell today.
It was sunny and she wanted to play.
Up the mountain, on our bikes we shot.
Lorny thought her riding was good, but it really was not.
No matter how hard she tried and tried,
Her chicken strips remained over an inch wide.
Changing the subject to her clothes,
she showed me the special riding jeans she chose.
The label said it was not a low-rise.
It didn't matter as she pushed the waist down to her thighs.
The pants bunched up around her groin,
and I could swear I felt a stir in my loins.
She felt herself up and then she checked
to see if she had a peepee and if it was erect.
I couldn't believe it, I could only watch;
this wonderful exhibition going on at her crotch.
But some tourist came by to ruin the show.
What was even worse, one was a big, fat ho.
She was a large one, all flab and big gut.
She waddled when she walked, and picked at her butt.
At least the others were skinny and nice.
They were friendly and spoke to us twice.
They talked of my ears and said they were cute.
See that Lorn? This shows I'm no fruit.
We decided to get pizza and work on Lorn's bike.
Brick Oven Pizza, yup, that's what we like.
Lorny tried to order the pizza over the phone.
"I like pizza," Ears would crazily drone.
She tried to be serious and kept up her guard,
but Ears wouldn't stop. He was a retard.
Pizza for dinner, no need for a plate.
Who cares about being thinner, it's time to gain weight.
Lorny did Sally's diner orgasm scene.
Her moans were so good, I thought I would cream.
Dinner was over and on to the job.
We got a bit dirty and I looked like a slob.
We loosened some nuts and raised up a fork.
Lorny tightened things up and double checked the torque.
Then I got stupid and offered an idea.
The next time I do that, God, give me diarrhea.
"Since we're here let's do your suspension."
I did my best to bring it to her attention.
So once again with wrench in hand;
we tackled the bike like we had just planned.
Then it happened. Something went wrong.
A simple procedure started to take all night long.
Lorny got angry with fire in her eyes.
"I'll kill you, Ears, and no one will hear the cries."
I stepped back and trembled in fear.
All I could manage was, "yes dear, yes dear."
I kept working and would not stop.
I was afraid that Lorny would pop.
And eventually the work was finally done.
"Just in time," as she put down the gun.
Lorn was gleeful and she pulled on her boots.
Lucky for me, she forgot our disputes.
She hopped on her bike for pleasure and fun.
I didn't even notice, I was watching a bum.
The question remains if after all this clatter:
Will the changes we made really even matter?
Given my reputation and the Nonwheezer curse,
I probably didn't help, I just made things a lot worse.
But she's happy, as happy as a toy dog.
"Now go home Ears, and write me another blog."
Added:
It's a fact that pizza and I don't mix.
Eating too much of it give me my kicks.
As the dawn's early morning light had shone,
I found myself stuck on the throne.
*****Updated 18 Nov.*****
Version 2 of the 17 Nov. video. I didn't like the footage from the old video. I played with the zoom to crop out some things, and it made the footage look slow. For the new video, I readjusted the camera mount and set the zoom back to normal.
And about 20 German tourists nearly mobbed me to check out my ears. Blitzkreig aiyeee!!!
Monday, November 13, 2006
Mountain Bike Video I Made
Being the cameraman, I get to stay out of the picture. It helps too since I look like a big orc.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
The Magic of Ears
This is for my detractors. And this is me now laughing.
The ears, folks, they work! The ears have the magical ability to make me less of a stuck up b!tch, and much more approachable. They also increase my visibility on the road tremendously. I can't really prove that last statement, but because I said it, it's now a scientific fact.
You see, one of the greatest dangers to a motorcyclist is the inattentive driver. I read somewhere that about 75% of motorcycle accidents are caused by cagers, or car drivers. If you follow any motorcycle online message boards, you always read about some accident or another each week. The consensus is anything that makes us more visible on the road is good. Ears are good.
For some reason the ears are a hit with kids. No matter where they are, in a car, on the street, in a field, they will stop and look at me. They get a huge kick out of seeing the tiger eared biker.
Prior to the ears, it was rare that anyone would approach me at the lookout. Many people would pass the bike and nod or say, "nice bike." That was about it. Now that I have the ears, people aren't so afraid to approach and start a conversation, or at least try to get a better look.
The first week I had the ears, a tour guide got a look at them and yelled across the parking lot that the ears were cute. A cute, and really tall, Japanese girl stopped to watch me put on my gear. She kept saying, "kawaii." That means "cute." (I mentioned this before.) Now all I need is another bus load of Okinawan college girls. Lornette likes to tease me about it, but she just doesn't understand. A bus load of Japanese college girls. Right Guys? (Girls, think of a bus load of Ross's.)
(The second girl is Thai, but I wanted to show the impact of seeing more than one beautiful girl at a time.)
The other day I hinted in another blog that some tourist came and spoke with us. One of them said the ears were cute and that she recognized me from the town. They were at a shop on the side of the street eating shaved ice (snow cones). See how visible I am?
Today I got up to the lookout and just as I started to take off my helmet, a lady ran up to me.
"Those ears are great! I just have to take a picture of them. Can you put your helmet back on?"
And as I was leaving, another tourist started calling out to me. I had a hard time hearing him since I had my helmet on and was facing away, but he persisted.
"Sir, I just gotta tell you. The bike itself is awesome. But the helmet, the helmet makes it fukking phenomenal! My wife saw them and said, 'what the hell?' She thinks they're the coolest."
So there you have it. Irrefutable anecdotal evidence that my ears have been increasing my visibility and have been attracting people to me. Mission accomplished. Even the Fonz likes them. Ayyyyyyyyyyyyy.
The ears, folks, they work! The ears have the magical ability to make me less of a stuck up b!tch, and much more approachable. They also increase my visibility on the road tremendously. I can't really prove that last statement, but because I said it, it's now a scientific fact.
You see, one of the greatest dangers to a motorcyclist is the inattentive driver. I read somewhere that about 75% of motorcycle accidents are caused by cagers, or car drivers. If you follow any motorcycle online message boards, you always read about some accident or another each week. The consensus is anything that makes us more visible on the road is good. Ears are good.
For some reason the ears are a hit with kids. No matter where they are, in a car, on the street, in a field, they will stop and look at me. They get a huge kick out of seeing the tiger eared biker.
Prior to the ears, it was rare that anyone would approach me at the lookout. Many people would pass the bike and nod or say, "nice bike." That was about it. Now that I have the ears, people aren't so afraid to approach and start a conversation, or at least try to get a better look.
The first week I had the ears, a tour guide got a look at them and yelled across the parking lot that the ears were cute. A cute, and really tall, Japanese girl stopped to watch me put on my gear. She kept saying, "kawaii." That means "cute." (I mentioned this before.) Now all I need is another bus load of Okinawan college girls. Lornette likes to tease me about it, but she just doesn't understand. A bus load of Japanese college girls. Right Guys? (Girls, think of a bus load of Ross's.)
(The second girl is Thai, but I wanted to show the impact of seeing more than one beautiful girl at a time.)
The other day I hinted in another blog that some tourist came and spoke with us. One of them said the ears were cute and that she recognized me from the town. They were at a shop on the side of the street eating shaved ice (snow cones). See how visible I am?
Today I got up to the lookout and just as I started to take off my helmet, a lady ran up to me.
"Those ears are great! I just have to take a picture of them. Can you put your helmet back on?"
And as I was leaving, another tourist started calling out to me. I had a hard time hearing him since I had my helmet on and was facing away, but he persisted.
"Sir, I just gotta tell you. The bike itself is awesome. But the helmet, the helmet makes it fukking phenomenal! My wife saw them and said, 'what the hell?' She thinks they're the coolest."
So there you have it. Irrefutable anecdotal evidence that my ears have been increasing my visibility and have been attracting people to me. Mission accomplished. Even the Fonz likes them. Ayyyyyyyyyyyyy.
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