I haven't cried. Indian Girl has moved away and I haven't cried. She cried. Machu Pichu cried. I still haven't cried. Weird. And I don't know why.
I've been feeling drained this last week. Sure as shit, life has been giving me the roller coaster. MP said a good cry would do wonders, but what can you do if you can't cry? I guess normally that is when you would turn to a good friend. Ironically, the good friend leaving is causing some depression that would require a good friend. Damn catch 22.
Indian Girl was a major catalyst in my life. I guess the fact that she knew she would only be here for 3 months made her take full advantage of every minute. To an outsider, it would have looked like she was burning the candle at both ends. However, I think she just compressed into 3 months what some people take 3 years to experience.
Adventuring, exploring, beaches, swimming, snorkeling, hiking, dining, making friends, meeting people, volunteering, playing, doggies, dancing, drinking, partying, relaxing, walking, jogging, romancing, and having sex. That's the kind of stuff IG did. But she didn't do it all herself. She took MP and me along for the ride. And I think I got to experience more in three months than I did in three years.
So today I've been depressed. The sad thing for me is that I'm not the type to go out and share my problems with anyone. Normally IG and MP would pick up that I'm not in a right state of mind, and would offer to talk, cheer me up, or just give me a hug. Stupid catch 22 though. IG isn't here, and if I see MP, it would just be a load that she doesn't need. I think I should have just screamed out, "FUCK!," in my helmet today.
Yeah, I rode my motorcycle today. I think I just wanted some time by myself. Can't get more by myself than in a helmet going 60+ mph. Then I did something I never did before. When I got to the canyon lookout, I got a soda, sat under a tree, and listened to Hallelujah on my mp3 player. Did I feel better? I really don't know. It did make me want to write though. So now I'm writing.
This morning I watched City of Angels again. It's about an angel who becomes human to experience everything human, including love. Then his love dies shortly after they get together. The angel was wracked with depression until another angel asked that if he knew this would happen, would he have become human. He then realizes that even though he was hurting now, what he experienced was worth the world to him, and he was able to begin healing.
So even though it feels like I have a big, empty hole in my heart, that's just an illusion. It's a false pain that will pass. Because the truth is that meeting IG has stuffed my heart with so many good things, my heart is now bigger. And the empty feeling is not really emptiness. It's just my heart waiting to accept more.
And pass me the low-sodium shoyu.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
The Last Supper
***Indian Girl is moving away!***
I met Indian Girl on December 28 or 29. One of those days. She had just moved to the island and was looking for friends to show her around. You see, she has the kind of job that takes her to strange places where she gets really physical with clients, and sometimes even have them naked. So she was going to be here for 3 months and wanted to enjoy herself.
At first I was shy. A bit quiet. But later I started opening up, and we started hitting it off like gangbusters. In fact, we liked each other so much, that we have one of those high school girl-like pacts. If she's not married by 40, I have to inseminate her. Now whether it will be through direct injection or a turkey baster is still up for negotiations.
I've been practically all over the entire island with IG. Tons of beaches, all the tourist spots, several hiking trails, etc. We've also been to many restaurants, to the detriment of my wallet. We're pretty much close enough that we know about each other's sex lives. Heck, she knows, from my experience, not to point a man's loaded weapon at his own face. Dangerous.
But now she's leaving at the end of the month. Machu Pichu and I have been telling her to come back on a new contract. IG has been telling us to go visit her... but I think she's going to end up in Hicksville, Shithole. I think an Asian guy like me would stick out worse than a skinhead in a synagogue.
As part of the events leading up to her departure, IG, Machu Pichu, and I, planned to have dinner at a fancy restaurant. IG was going to get ready at MP's place after work, and I was going to meet them there at 4:30 PM.
At 4:00, I was out of the shower, clean shaven (top and bottom, haha. Don't ask.), and getting dressed, when my phone rings. It was MP on IG's phone. "Hey, we need you to pick up some alcohol on your way over."
I got to the grocery store's booze section and I called MP back. "I'm looking for the Boone's Farm, but I can't find it." MP had me searching high and low, not because she's a control freak, but because I suck at wine selection. I had to read the labels of hundreds of bottles. She ignored me, then randomly chose some brand she heard of. At the checkout, the cashier made the guy in front of me donate to Muscular Dystrophy. When it was my turn, she tried to give me the money. WTF?
I got to MP's place and I found 2 tipsy women. MP poured me a glass of wine in a huge glass meant for lushes. I then had to stand in the bathroom while IG and MP applied makeup. I felt like a Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court. I did get to witness a makeup accident that turned MP in to a reverse blackface. Luckily she got it sorted out without taking another shower, which would have taken another hour.
"Just rub it off with a dry towel," IG suggested, "I do it all the time."
"You mean the towel I used to wipe off my naked body last time I was here," I asked.
"EEEEWWWWWWW!"
Yeah, thanks. I get that reaction a lot when women think of my naked body.
So while the girls got ready, and continued boozing (I stopped due to headaches), we just chatted like little girls. We talked about the usual things. You know. Sex, clothes, jobs, that kind of stuff. The two girls were also lamenting the fact that since they got to know each other, they've been gaining weight. They sure as shit did not like it when I explained that since meeting IG, my waist has gone from a 34 to a 31, and my shirt size went from L/XL to M/L. They did say that I better not get too skinny lest I end up looking like Riley. They also said that Riley is kinda cute, but needs to get some kind of personality, and needs to grow a pair so he can actually converse during dinner. I just got my dog's balls removed, so I guess he can have those. They were shocked when I explained that Riley rarely shuts up when he's out with the guys.
"I bet they not going bring my Pepsi. They always forget my Pepsi. You see that? The guy didn't even write it down. They going forget it. I never get my Pepsi," said Riley all through an hour long lunch ad nauseam.
Since I was the one who drank the least, I got chosen as the driver. It was like a scene out of Animal House. We all piled into my Yaris (chicks dig fuel efficiency). I swear I could hear some crazy frat boys yelling, "to the Food King!"
We got to the BeachHouse. It's a restaurant right on the beach in the Poipu area. Decent food with nice atmosphere and an incredible view of the sunset. Since MP was a concierge, she was really on the ball and FAILED TO MAKE RESERVATIONS. But no problem. We got there just a few minutes after they opened for dinner, which means we got one of the few tables that were up for grabs. IG and MP immediately started with the alcohol. I was the tea-totler designated driver, so I had a virgin Lava Flow.
We were drinking and talking, and we took over an hour just to order our food. IG's drink tasted like vomit, so MP, of course, said something to our waitress Christina, and got IG a new drink. When our appetizers arrived, the sun was nearly setting, so we went outside and took a bunch of pictures. We beat the tourists out there since they were waiting for the sun to touch the water. So basically, we kind of looked stupid in front of people we will never see again. Isn't that fun?
Then we went in and started on our appetizers. Then the sun reached the water and we went out again. Sucks for the people by the exit. I think IG actually bumped a guy each time we went in and out.
Our dinners were not bad. My entree came with asparagus. I guess my pee smells bad now. IG had fish. She always has fish. She likes fish. But, is that fish fishy? She doesn't like fishy fish. Her fish needs to not smell fishy. It also has to be really cooked fish. She doesn't like raw fish. Raw fish is too fishy and smells too much like fish. No surprise then that she thinks I'm gross because I like to go down on women.
Dinner was followed up with desert. It was some kind of chocolate soufflé with vanilla ice cream. For some reason, the manager also gave us a chocolate peanut butter ice cream dessert thingy gratis. I think MP must have batted her eyes at the guy. We always seem to get free stuff when she's around. Speaking of free stuff, MP tried to pimp me off to the waitress. Of course, I didn't know what they were talking about at first, and when I did figure out what she was doing, it was too late. Fortunately, for the waitress, she was already married to the manager. Now MP's new plan is for us to hit the bar on the military base to find me a GI Jane.
But back to the dessert. IG and MP both had orgasms from the first bite. That put me last in the race again. Fuck. IG wanted to take one of the desserts under the table. When Christina came around to check on us, the girls were like, "could we be left alone?" "Oh God! Oh God!" "Don't touch me. Don't touch me." I, on the other hand, was just munching away. Sometimes it takes me hours to finish a meal.
After two and a half hours in the restaurant, we were ready to leave. When the valet pulled up with my car, I paid the guy and proceeded to get in. MP stood by the passenger door with her hands on her hips and a big smile on her face. "Um, hello? Door?"
"WTF woman? You think this was a date?"
IG cracked up then kindly opened the door for her date.
The original plan was for us to go to Tree's Lounge. However, that bar was a bit far from where we were, so we went to the jazz bar Stevenson's Library. The jazz bar is located inside the Grand Hyatt, and when we got there, I wondered out loud if my friend Lauren was working at the front desk. This would later bite me in the ass.
The bar was dead, so we just had a beer each, talked a bit, then left. As we were leaving, I was looking at the concierge. I was thinking that MP could try for a job there since she doesn't like where she's working at now. The girls thought I wanted to hit on the concierge. When I tried to explain that I wasn't going to hit on the concierge, they then thought I wanted to hit on the girl at the front desk. Sigh. Women.
Back at MP's place, we downloaded the pictures we took on IG's camera to MP's computer. Of course we were all crowded around this one tiny laptop, like girls at a slumber party, trying to see the pictures. Then we sent them to my email.
Now comes the freaky part. I ended up looking at pictures of cocks with IG and MP. It's not something guys normally do. I mean, if looking at cocks would make my lover (female. Nice try you assholes.) get off, then by all means, I'm for it. But you don't normally look at cocks with your girl friends. And it was all INDIAN GIRL'S fault! Dirty, dirty girl. She told MP about the cock pics on craigslist, so MP wanted to see them.
"See? Have you ever seen a cock that curved down like that," IG asked.
"I have. But this one doesn't look like it's curving like that. It just looks like he isn't fully hard yet," MP replied.
"I don't know. I've never seen one like that. Might be kind of weird," said IG.
"I was with a guy whose cock curved downwards like a C," MP proclaimed.
"How the hell would that work? How would you have sex," IG asked.
"Well, when we had sex normally, it would be pushing into me on the bottom-side. But if I turned around with my ass in his face, it would work better... felt pretty good too," said MP.
"WTF!? Hello? I'm still here. Awkward!," Nonwheezer said with his hands held palm up, shoulder height in the universal WTF pose.
OK, so on to the pictures. My fingers are getting tired of typing. I posted a preview of a few pictures to my nerd group before going to bed and these are the replies I got when I woke up.
Minnesota Girl: Man, Hawaii is beautiful!
Lecherous Old Man: Twin peaks everywhere.
SUX IT Guy: IG could make a good living doing pr0n, IMO.
So here they are. Captions follow the pics.
I just got lei'd! And I didn't have time to finish putting on my pants.
"My drink tastes like vomit," said IG in a cheerful manner.
I came here one time and I ordered this drink and the setting sun shone right through it. It was beautiful. Hic! I think I need another.
Guess what these are. Never leave your camera unattended when you go to the bathroom.
Nonwheezer. "Oh, he looks good in this pic." Thanks girls.
OK, stand there. Now move 6 inches forward. Turn your head to look at me. Now smile. (MP micromanaging IG)
Wait. I think I have the flash setting wrong. Let me try this... click. Oh, hey. It came out pretty cute. (Nonwheezer)
Machu Pichu, Nonwheezer, Indian Girl
IG tends to be prim and proper sometimes. I could have sworn I heard her say, "you touch my ass and I'll kill you."
Contrasted by MP, who tends to have a higher blood alcohol content.
What are you two, on a date?
I met Indian Girl on December 28 or 29. One of those days. She had just moved to the island and was looking for friends to show her around. You see, she has the kind of job that takes her to strange places where she gets really physical with clients, and sometimes even have them naked. So she was going to be here for 3 months and wanted to enjoy herself.
At first I was shy. A bit quiet. But later I started opening up, and we started hitting it off like gangbusters. In fact, we liked each other so much, that we have one of those high school girl-like pacts. If she's not married by 40, I have to inseminate her. Now whether it will be through direct injection or a turkey baster is still up for negotiations.
I've been practically all over the entire island with IG. Tons of beaches, all the tourist spots, several hiking trails, etc. We've also been to many restaurants, to the detriment of my wallet. We're pretty much close enough that we know about each other's sex lives. Heck, she knows, from my experience, not to point a man's loaded weapon at his own face. Dangerous.
But now she's leaving at the end of the month. Machu Pichu and I have been telling her to come back on a new contract. IG has been telling us to go visit her... but I think she's going to end up in Hicksville, Shithole. I think an Asian guy like me would stick out worse than a skinhead in a synagogue.
As part of the events leading up to her departure, IG, Machu Pichu, and I, planned to have dinner at a fancy restaurant. IG was going to get ready at MP's place after work, and I was going to meet them there at 4:30 PM.
At 4:00, I was out of the shower, clean shaven (top and bottom, haha. Don't ask.), and getting dressed, when my phone rings. It was MP on IG's phone. "Hey, we need you to pick up some alcohol on your way over."
I got to the grocery store's booze section and I called MP back. "I'm looking for the Boone's Farm, but I can't find it." MP had me searching high and low, not because she's a control freak, but because I suck at wine selection. I had to read the labels of hundreds of bottles. She ignored me, then randomly chose some brand she heard of. At the checkout, the cashier made the guy in front of me donate to Muscular Dystrophy. When it was my turn, she tried to give me the money. WTF?
I got to MP's place and I found 2 tipsy women. MP poured me a glass of wine in a huge glass meant for lushes. I then had to stand in the bathroom while IG and MP applied makeup. I felt like a Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court. I did get to witness a makeup accident that turned MP in to a reverse blackface. Luckily she got it sorted out without taking another shower, which would have taken another hour.
"Just rub it off with a dry towel," IG suggested, "I do it all the time."
"You mean the towel I used to wipe off my naked body last time I was here," I asked.
"EEEEWWWWWWW!"
Yeah, thanks. I get that reaction a lot when women think of my naked body.
So while the girls got ready, and continued boozing (I stopped due to headaches), we just chatted like little girls. We talked about the usual things. You know. Sex, clothes, jobs, that kind of stuff. The two girls were also lamenting the fact that since they got to know each other, they've been gaining weight. They sure as shit did not like it when I explained that since meeting IG, my waist has gone from a 34 to a 31, and my shirt size went from L/XL to M/L. They did say that I better not get too skinny lest I end up looking like Riley. They also said that Riley is kinda cute, but needs to get some kind of personality, and needs to grow a pair so he can actually converse during dinner. I just got my dog's balls removed, so I guess he can have those. They were shocked when I explained that Riley rarely shuts up when he's out with the guys.
"I bet they not going bring my Pepsi. They always forget my Pepsi. You see that? The guy didn't even write it down. They going forget it. I never get my Pepsi," said Riley all through an hour long lunch ad nauseam.
Since I was the one who drank the least, I got chosen as the driver. It was like a scene out of Animal House. We all piled into my Yaris (chicks dig fuel efficiency). I swear I could hear some crazy frat boys yelling, "to the Food King!"
We got to the BeachHouse. It's a restaurant right on the beach in the Poipu area. Decent food with nice atmosphere and an incredible view of the sunset. Since MP was a concierge, she was really on the ball and FAILED TO MAKE RESERVATIONS. But no problem. We got there just a few minutes after they opened for dinner, which means we got one of the few tables that were up for grabs. IG and MP immediately started with the alcohol. I was the tea-totler designated driver, so I had a virgin Lava Flow.
We were drinking and talking, and we took over an hour just to order our food. IG's drink tasted like vomit, so MP, of course, said something to our waitress Christina, and got IG a new drink. When our appetizers arrived, the sun was nearly setting, so we went outside and took a bunch of pictures. We beat the tourists out there since they were waiting for the sun to touch the water. So basically, we kind of looked stupid in front of people we will never see again. Isn't that fun?
Then we went in and started on our appetizers. Then the sun reached the water and we went out again. Sucks for the people by the exit. I think IG actually bumped a guy each time we went in and out.
Our dinners were not bad. My entree came with asparagus. I guess my pee smells bad now. IG had fish. She always has fish. She likes fish. But, is that fish fishy? She doesn't like fishy fish. Her fish needs to not smell fishy. It also has to be really cooked fish. She doesn't like raw fish. Raw fish is too fishy and smells too much like fish. No surprise then that she thinks I'm gross because I like to go down on women.
Dinner was followed up with desert. It was some kind of chocolate soufflé with vanilla ice cream. For some reason, the manager also gave us a chocolate peanut butter ice cream dessert thingy gratis. I think MP must have batted her eyes at the guy. We always seem to get free stuff when she's around. Speaking of free stuff, MP tried to pimp me off to the waitress. Of course, I didn't know what they were talking about at first, and when I did figure out what she was doing, it was too late. Fortunately, for the waitress, she was already married to the manager. Now MP's new plan is for us to hit the bar on the military base to find me a GI Jane.
But back to the dessert. IG and MP both had orgasms from the first bite. That put me last in the race again. Fuck. IG wanted to take one of the desserts under the table. When Christina came around to check on us, the girls were like, "could we be left alone?" "Oh God! Oh God!" "Don't touch me. Don't touch me." I, on the other hand, was just munching away. Sometimes it takes me hours to finish a meal.
After two and a half hours in the restaurant, we were ready to leave. When the valet pulled up with my car, I paid the guy and proceeded to get in. MP stood by the passenger door with her hands on her hips and a big smile on her face. "Um, hello? Door?"
"WTF woman? You think this was a date?"
IG cracked up then kindly opened the door for her date.
The original plan was for us to go to Tree's Lounge. However, that bar was a bit far from where we were, so we went to the jazz bar Stevenson's Library. The jazz bar is located inside the Grand Hyatt, and when we got there, I wondered out loud if my friend Lauren was working at the front desk. This would later bite me in the ass.
The bar was dead, so we just had a beer each, talked a bit, then left. As we were leaving, I was looking at the concierge. I was thinking that MP could try for a job there since she doesn't like where she's working at now. The girls thought I wanted to hit on the concierge. When I tried to explain that I wasn't going to hit on the concierge, they then thought I wanted to hit on the girl at the front desk. Sigh. Women.
Back at MP's place, we downloaded the pictures we took on IG's camera to MP's computer. Of course we were all crowded around this one tiny laptop, like girls at a slumber party, trying to see the pictures. Then we sent them to my email.
Now comes the freaky part. I ended up looking at pictures of cocks with IG and MP. It's not something guys normally do. I mean, if looking at cocks would make my lover (female. Nice try you assholes.) get off, then by all means, I'm for it. But you don't normally look at cocks with your girl friends. And it was all INDIAN GIRL'S fault! Dirty, dirty girl. She told MP about the cock pics on craigslist, so MP wanted to see them.
"See? Have you ever seen a cock that curved down like that," IG asked.
"I have. But this one doesn't look like it's curving like that. It just looks like he isn't fully hard yet," MP replied.
"I don't know. I've never seen one like that. Might be kind of weird," said IG.
"I was with a guy whose cock curved downwards like a C," MP proclaimed.
"How the hell would that work? How would you have sex," IG asked.
"Well, when we had sex normally, it would be pushing into me on the bottom-side. But if I turned around with my ass in his face, it would work better... felt pretty good too," said MP.
"WTF!? Hello? I'm still here. Awkward!," Nonwheezer said with his hands held palm up, shoulder height in the universal WTF pose.
OK, so on to the pictures. My fingers are getting tired of typing. I posted a preview of a few pictures to my nerd group before going to bed and these are the replies I got when I woke up.
Minnesota Girl: Man, Hawaii is beautiful!
Lecherous Old Man: Twin peaks everywhere.
SUX IT Guy: IG could make a good living doing pr0n, IMO.
So here they are. Captions follow the pics.
I just got lei'd! And I didn't have time to finish putting on my pants.
"My drink tastes like vomit," said IG in a cheerful manner.
I came here one time and I ordered this drink and the setting sun shone right through it. It was beautiful. Hic! I think I need another.
Guess what these are. Never leave your camera unattended when you go to the bathroom.
Nonwheezer. "Oh, he looks good in this pic." Thanks girls.
OK, stand there. Now move 6 inches forward. Turn your head to look at me. Now smile. (MP micromanaging IG)
Wait. I think I have the flash setting wrong. Let me try this... click. Oh, hey. It came out pretty cute. (Nonwheezer)
Machu Pichu, Nonwheezer, Indian Girl
IG tends to be prim and proper sometimes. I could have sworn I heard her say, "you touch my ass and I'll kill you."
Contrasted by MP, who tends to have a higher blood alcohol content.
What are you two, on a date?
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Wax On, Wax Off
OK, this started as a post on a forum, but I think it's safe to post this as a blog entry. TG= Tattoo Girl= an incredible blonde. Machu Pichu= another blonde that likes to barge her way into my life.
********************
I made the appointment for wax and massages for 2:00 today (Saturday). I went bike riding in the morning since it's been nearly 2 months since I rode on the mountain.
I picked up TG around 1:45 and we headed down to the spa. The wax girl was waiting for us. She was an attractive hapa (half Japanese, half white) girl. She led us to another cabin where the waxing stuff was located. I laid on a table and the girl described what she was going to do. TG agreed with the girl's recommendations, so I said, "well since she's the one dating me, I'll go with what she said."
The waxing wasn't so bad. The only part that hurt was when the girl used tweezers. She also noticed TG's back tattoo and they started talking about it. Turns out the wax girl has cherry blossoms tattooed on her back.
"Am I the only one without a tattoo," I asked.
"Yeah, it's pretty rare now days to not have a tattoo. That just makes you unique," replied TG.
TG was pleased with how the waxing turned out. The wax girl also said it looked good. I guess they're right. It does make my eyes look bigger, which helps since I got them small asian eyes. I just lament the loss of my Sonny Chiba brows.
After that, we were led to the massage area. Since I requested a couple's massage, they had set up two massage tables on the lanai of the massage cabin. The masseuses instructed us to disrobe, put on a sarong, and lay on the table face down. They said that if we wanted our hips and gluts massaged, we should remove our undergarments. Then they left. I had to pee, so I went to the bathroom. When I got back, TG was already undressed and on the table. She was all smiles as I did a little strip tease in front of her. When I got to my underwear, I asked if I should get my gluts massaged. She pretty much said that since we were here... So I dropped the boxer-briefs. I think TG dug that. I grabbed the sarong and wrapped it around me and jumped on the table. I didn't mind being naked in front of TG, but the blinds around the lanai covered from the roof to about waist high. Anyone in the area could see my willy. (TG tricked me into thinking she was nude. She kept her panties on. Minx.)
The massage itself was good. I can see why some people go to spas often. When it was done, I was super mellow mellow. Kind of like floating. And no, I did not need a happy ending. In fact, it didn't feel sexual at all.
Then we went riding to Koloa, and then TG suggested we catch the matinée since it was too early for dinner.
It was in Koloa that TG confessed. She had looked up and peeked when the girl was massaging my ass. She said it looked hot. I think the massage went to her brain. I've seen my ass in a mirror. I wasn't impressed. As she looked at my ass being massaged, the masseuse looked at her and winked. When she told me that, I felt degraded like a piece of meat. Which means I loved it, of course heh.
We were too early for the movie we wanted to see, so we headed to Starbucks for a drink. We chatted a bit and shared a cookie, then we headed back to the cinema.
We watched Horton Hears a Who. Is there anything cuter than TG laughing in the movies? The movie was also pretty good. I thought Steve Carell did an excellent job. Now I wonder if I can convince/trick TG into watching Indiana Jones and Speed Racer with me.
After the movie we went to dinner. TG suggested Mexican. I said I never had it, but I'd try it. Funny thing is that when Machu Pichu requested Mexican on one of our lunches, I flat out declined and went for Korean instead. Guess that shows how they rank on the Nonwheezer-scale. hehe. TG, if you don't hear from me, check MP's trunk.
Turns out I did have Mexican food before. I guess I just misunderstood the whole Mexican food thing. I figured it would be Mexican CUISINE. Much like how you can have Chinese take-out, and Chinese cuisine. But TG put me straight. Mexican take-out and cuisine is the same thing. And to fully immerse myself in the Mexican culture, I had a Corona.
Back at TG's place, I drank nearly a gallon of water. I don't know what the deal was. I think the beer/burrito combo made me thirsty. We sat down and watched an independent movie called Close Your Eyes. It was meh. But having a warm TG snuggled up next to me made the movie more enjoyable than Star Wars: A New Hope, a movie TG confessed never seeing all the way through.
Did I mention I took every opportunity to smell TG's hair? Yeah, I'm a freak like that, but even after 9 hours, her hair smelled divine.
Oh, TG owes me lunch.
********************
I made the appointment for wax and massages for 2:00 today (Saturday). I went bike riding in the morning since it's been nearly 2 months since I rode on the mountain.
I picked up TG around 1:45 and we headed down to the spa. The wax girl was waiting for us. She was an attractive hapa (half Japanese, half white) girl. She led us to another cabin where the waxing stuff was located. I laid on a table and the girl described what she was going to do. TG agreed with the girl's recommendations, so I said, "well since she's the one dating me, I'll go with what she said."
The waxing wasn't so bad. The only part that hurt was when the girl used tweezers. She also noticed TG's back tattoo and they started talking about it. Turns out the wax girl has cherry blossoms tattooed on her back.
"Am I the only one without a tattoo," I asked.
"Yeah, it's pretty rare now days to not have a tattoo. That just makes you unique," replied TG.
TG was pleased with how the waxing turned out. The wax girl also said it looked good. I guess they're right. It does make my eyes look bigger, which helps since I got them small asian eyes. I just lament the loss of my Sonny Chiba brows.
After that, we were led to the massage area. Since I requested a couple's massage, they had set up two massage tables on the lanai of the massage cabin. The masseuses instructed us to disrobe, put on a sarong, and lay on the table face down. They said that if we wanted our hips and gluts massaged, we should remove our undergarments. Then they left. I had to pee, so I went to the bathroom. When I got back, TG was already undressed and on the table. She was all smiles as I did a little strip tease in front of her. When I got to my underwear, I asked if I should get my gluts massaged. She pretty much said that since we were here... So I dropped the boxer-briefs. I think TG dug that. I grabbed the sarong and wrapped it around me and jumped on the table. I didn't mind being naked in front of TG, but the blinds around the lanai covered from the roof to about waist high. Anyone in the area could see my willy. (TG tricked me into thinking she was nude. She kept her panties on. Minx.)
The massage itself was good. I can see why some people go to spas often. When it was done, I was super mellow mellow. Kind of like floating. And no, I did not need a happy ending. In fact, it didn't feel sexual at all.
Then we went riding to Koloa, and then TG suggested we catch the matinée since it was too early for dinner.
It was in Koloa that TG confessed. She had looked up and peeked when the girl was massaging my ass. She said it looked hot. I think the massage went to her brain. I've seen my ass in a mirror. I wasn't impressed. As she looked at my ass being massaged, the masseuse looked at her and winked. When she told me that, I felt degraded like a piece of meat. Which means I loved it, of course heh.
We were too early for the movie we wanted to see, so we headed to Starbucks for a drink. We chatted a bit and shared a cookie, then we headed back to the cinema.
We watched Horton Hears a Who. Is there anything cuter than TG laughing in the movies? The movie was also pretty good. I thought Steve Carell did an excellent job. Now I wonder if I can convince/trick TG into watching Indiana Jones and Speed Racer with me.
After the movie we went to dinner. TG suggested Mexican. I said I never had it, but I'd try it. Funny thing is that when Machu Pichu requested Mexican on one of our lunches, I flat out declined and went for Korean instead. Guess that shows how they rank on the Nonwheezer-scale. hehe. TG, if you don't hear from me, check MP's trunk.
Turns out I did have Mexican food before. I guess I just misunderstood the whole Mexican food thing. I figured it would be Mexican CUISINE. Much like how you can have Chinese take-out, and Chinese cuisine. But TG put me straight. Mexican take-out and cuisine is the same thing. And to fully immerse myself in the Mexican culture, I had a Corona.
Back at TG's place, I drank nearly a gallon of water. I don't know what the deal was. I think the beer/burrito combo made me thirsty. We sat down and watched an independent movie called Close Your Eyes. It was meh. But having a warm TG snuggled up next to me made the movie more enjoyable than Star Wars: A New Hope, a movie TG confessed never seeing all the way through.
Did I mention I took every opportunity to smell TG's hair? Yeah, I'm a freak like that, but even after 9 hours, her hair smelled divine.
Oh, TG owes me lunch.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Wisdom of the Hike
(Cue Indiana Jones theme)
Squiggy, the intrepid explorer, has gone where many men have gone before. However, his journeys have been unique in the history of mankind since it was the first time, in all known time, that Squiggy, himself, has actually gone somewhere. OK, enough of the inane babel.
I have hiked Waipoo, Kamuela, Sleeping Giant, Mahaulepu, Nualolo, Awaawapuhi, Kaapoko Tunnel, and Hanakapiai.
Through my adventures I have learned many lessons; lessons I will share with you today.
1. No matter where on the island you start, the trail will be uphill. Both ways.
2. No one likes Honey and Oats granola bars.
3. My cheapo, ill-fitting, Famous Footwear cross trainers have more grip than most hiking boots.
4. Black socks hide mud.
5. Girls: you can't beat them; you can't push them off a cliff.
6. Factor in another 120 minutes to your hike if you have a girl with a digital camera.
7. Spam musubi beat tuna bagels.
8. When a girl whines 2 hours into a 9 hour hike, sing a song inside your head.
9. Hiking sticks are for sissies.
10. If it has thorns, my friend, Indian Girl, will find it.
11. Hiking without reaching your destination is like sex without an orgasm. You get sweaty and have a wonderful time, but then you wonder how the ending could have been and you want to try it again.
12. Pack enough fluids and food for 1.5 people and carry extra footwear so a girl wearing slippers (flipflops) can show you up on the trail.
13. I suck at Thumb War.
14. Smaller people have greater stamina on the trail and they are easier to push off a cliff.
15. I pee 4 times as much as the next person.
16. Check the temperature of any body of water you plan to jump in. You don't need free gender reassignment.
17. If girls dare you to go skinny dipping by saying, "confidence is a big plus," don't listen. See #16 for what would be a BIG MINUS.
18. Don't try to catch falling kids.
19. Even after 5 hours of hiking, you too can find the energy to sprint to save your friends if they're in danger.
20. Before attempting #19, make sure your friends are really in danger and not just teasing a pig.
21. Pretty girls still smell great after hiking all day.
22. If a girl can tease you on a trail, she will.
23. Hike behind a pretty girl so you can watch her bum.
23A. And so she can't see you huffing and puffing.
23B. And so she can't smell you.
24. Addendum to 23: When you look at a girl's bum, you will trip on a rock.
25. I've sold my soul many times over to various devils and demons for hot water and soap.
Squiggy, the intrepid explorer, has gone where many men have gone before. However, his journeys have been unique in the history of mankind since it was the first time, in all known time, that Squiggy, himself, has actually gone somewhere. OK, enough of the inane babel.
I have hiked Waipoo, Kamuela, Sleeping Giant, Mahaulepu, Nualolo, Awaawapuhi, Kaapoko Tunnel, and Hanakapiai.
Through my adventures I have learned many lessons; lessons I will share with you today.
1. No matter where on the island you start, the trail will be uphill. Both ways.
2. No one likes Honey and Oats granola bars.
3. My cheapo, ill-fitting, Famous Footwear cross trainers have more grip than most hiking boots.
4. Black socks hide mud.
5. Girls: you can't beat them; you can't push them off a cliff.
6. Factor in another 120 minutes to your hike if you have a girl with a digital camera.
7. Spam musubi beat tuna bagels.
8. When a girl whines 2 hours into a 9 hour hike, sing a song inside your head.
9. Hiking sticks are for sissies.
10. If it has thorns, my friend, Indian Girl, will find it.
11. Hiking without reaching your destination is like sex without an orgasm. You get sweaty and have a wonderful time, but then you wonder how the ending could have been and you want to try it again.
12. Pack enough fluids and food for 1.5 people and carry extra footwear so a girl wearing slippers (flipflops) can show you up on the trail.
13. I suck at Thumb War.
14. Smaller people have greater stamina on the trail and they are easier to push off a cliff.
15. I pee 4 times as much as the next person.
16. Check the temperature of any body of water you plan to jump in. You don't need free gender reassignment.
17. If girls dare you to go skinny dipping by saying, "confidence is a big plus," don't listen. See #16 for what would be a BIG MINUS.
18. Don't try to catch falling kids.
19. Even after 5 hours of hiking, you too can find the energy to sprint to save your friends if they're in danger.
20. Before attempting #19, make sure your friends are really in danger and not just teasing a pig.
21. Pretty girls still smell great after hiking all day.
22. If a girl can tease you on a trail, she will.
23. Hike behind a pretty girl so you can watch her bum.
23A. And so she can't see you huffing and puffing.
23B. And so she can't smell you.
24. Addendum to 23: When you look at a girl's bum, you will trip on a rock.
25. I've sold my soul many times over to various devils and demons for hot water and soap.
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