Nonscents

I went to the mall today. Yeah, I'm still under the weather, but I still had to go. I needed to pick up a gift for a grab bag. I ended up wandering into Macy's and decided I should check out some cologne.

I haven't bought cologne in a while, but I did look some up on the old intraweb. Lo and behold, several of the colognes listed on askmen.com were on the counter. So I grabbed some cards and started spraying. A cute Asian counter girl offered assistance, but I declined.

To let my nose recover from the cologne sniffing, I walked around the store and found a nice box of chocolates for my grab bag. I walked back to the perfume counter to find the cute girl waiting.

"Can I ring you up for that," she asked.

"In a bit. I'm interested in getting some cologne," I replied.

"Any particular one?"

"I was thinking about the Cool Water."

The cute girl finds the tester bottle and we try some on my wrist. It smelled a bit fruity and playful on my skin, so I start having second thoughts about this scent. I asked the cute girl for her opinion.

"It smells nice. Is that the one you want?"

"I don't know. It's been a long time since I bought cologne so I'm not sure what I'm looking for."

"Oh? What did you used to wear?"

"Polo. How about you pick something for me?"

"Hmmmm. I like these," and she pulled out three bottles. Then she started searching for cards. Her coworker was wrestling with the plastic shrink wrap the cards come in. Once they were free, the cute girl grabbed three and sprayed the first one.

"Hmmm," I nodded. The cute girl sprayed the second.

"Um, I can't smell a thing. Might be because I'm sick," I said. The cute girl laughed then went behind the counter to get a bag of coffee beans. "No really, I am a bit sick," I declared again only to hear her laugh again. Then she sprayed the final bottle.

"OK, this one smells a bit fruity."

The cute girl removed the last bottle from the line up. Out of the two remaining, I asked her which was her favorite. I figure a woman would have a better opinion of what smells good on a man than a man himself.

"I like this one. Can I try it on your other wrist," the cute girl asked.

"Sure." And she sprayed my wrist. She sniffed my wrists and declared that it was the better scent.

"Yeah. I like this one, but I don't want to make the decision myself," the cute girl said. I looked around, hoping to grab another female as a smell tester. Unfortunately, the only females around were of a nice, tender age that would get me arrested as a sex offender. The cute girl must have read my mind and she started looking for another available counter girl. A cosmetics girl came around and asked the cute girl what was up.

"Can you tell us which one you prefer," the cute girl asked the cosmetics girl, who then sniffed my wrists.

"I like this one," the cosmetics girl said as she pointed to the wrist that smelled of the scent the cute girl chose.

"Alrighty then. I'll take it."

"OK, this one comes in a gift pack," said the cute girl as she dug through a pyramid of gift packs. Eventually she found none. "I'm sorry. Looks like we're out of the gift pack."

"What came in the gift pack?"

"Shower gel. . ."

"OK, that's a bit too gay for me. I don't need the gift pack."

The cute girl giggled and got out a regular bottle. "Would you like to put this on your Macy's card?"

"No thanks."

"Would you like to sign up for a Macy's card?"

"I actually have one, but I just don't know what I did with it."

The cute girl giggled and said, "I can ring it up on your card through a search if you want."

"Nah. That's OK. I'll just use my regular card."

The cute girl rang up my bottle of Armani Mania and box of chocolates.

"Thank you very much," the cute girl said as she handed me my card and receipt.

"Thank you. . .," I tried to read her nametag.

"Shaeja"

"Shaeja. Thank you Shaeja."

"You're welcome."

"And thank you for making me smell like two different people."

(Giggles)"You're welcome. Have a good evening."

"You too. Enjoy the rest of your night."

So now I have cologne. I am one step closer to being a metrosexual.