Dinner X3 with a Movie

Last time I tried to cook dinner for Botany Babe, it came out bland... a fact she has never let me forget. So to redeem myself, I vowed to cook her a good meal.

But first, there was a movie to see.

BB: Hey, what do you want to do tonight?

Nonwheezer: I don't know. Maybe we can just hang out and suck face?

BB: The new Jet Li movie came out.

NW: Really? Oh! Hmmm....!

BB: Hehe.

NW: Oh... I told Machu Pichu we would go and visit her this week. Wait. What if we go and see her before we go to the movie?

BB: OK. That sounds good.

NW: Yeah. Let me call her and let her know we're coming. I'll get her to cook us dinner too. She likes to barbecue.

(later...)

NW: Hey MP, what are you doing tomorrow night?

MP: Nothing. Why?

NW: BB and I will come over to your place.

MP: OK. What time?

NW: Oh, I figure about 6. We'll be going to the movies later. I would invite you along, but it's a Jet Li movie, and you hate kung fu.

MP: Yeah. 6? You guys want to have dinner?

NW: I thought you'd never ask.

MP: Haha! Yeah, right. So chicken?

NW: Nah. Steak. I plan on cooking chicken for BB for my second try.

MP: Steak? You gonna buy the steak for me?

NW: No.

MP: Bastard.

(that evening...)

I headed over to BB's place after dinner. We stayed in and watched a movie and sucked face.



The next evening we went over to MP's place and had steaks. After that, we headed to the movies.



Jet Li in the Mummy, yeah!

... errr.... no...

The movie sucked. Right off the bat, the movie was already putting me off. First, they said the first emperor of China, Qin Shi Huangdi, buried dead workers in the Great Wall. Um, you can't build a sturdy fortification with organic corpses that can rot away, weakening your structure.

Second, the picture they showed of the Great Wall...



Was really the Ming Wall, built over 1500 years later.

When I pointed out these errors, BB said, "you're so sexy when you talk history." Heh. I love her.

If you get free tickets to watch this movie, scalp them. When the movie was done, all I could think was that it was a waste of Jet Li. BB agreed saying that they really didn't need Jet Li to kick Brendan Fraser's ass. They could have gotten some random person to do that.

The following day, I took BB to the grocery store. It was dinner attempt #2. However, it figured that the store wouldn't have the kind of chicken I was looking for.



Chicken... how hard could it be to find chicken breasts?

I found some chicken patties and suggested dinner ala school lunch. BB just gave me a look. Pass on that idea.

So we ate out. Imu Hut. Good teri-fried chicken. If you're ever in Hanapepe, HI, try this place.



To make up for the lame movie, we watched another kung fu movie. This time with Jackie Chan. And even better, the bullshit in this movie was purely intentional.



BTW, dinner attempt #3 was successful. Baked chicken breast. heh.

Crazy Guy on a Nude Beach

House Monger: Hey, I'm free this weekend. Let's go hiking.

Nonwheezer: Okay.

HM: I want to go to that waterfall place.

NW: Okay.

(8:00 AM)

HM: Hey, change of plans. Let's go down to Mahaulepu. I want you to show me the nude beach.

NW: . . .

HM: I want to get rid of my tanlines.

NW: . . . uh.

And that's how I got roped into hiking to a nude beach.

NW: Alright. Pick me up at 10.

HM: Okay. See you then.

House Monger arrived promptly at 10:40, and we drove off to the south side. She had a lousy night with her partner (heh, sounds like she could be a lesbian, eh?) so we had to listen to depressing love songs. Lucky for me though, she kept talking and only stopped to breathe. Her chatter drowned out the sob-songs.



We left Mahaulepu. As you can see, the water looked great.



See?



Along the way, there were cool little spots like this.



30 minutes into the hike. Are we there yet?



Almost...



Sweet! Here it is. I don't know if it really is a nude beach, but it's secluded. You have to hike for about 45 minutes to get here, and there are many nooks and crannies you can hide your naked body in.



Frolic! Frolic! Frolic! Chariots of Fire!



I want to pump you up.



Um... I think this is sufficiently gay without any comment.



I was pooped after all that playing.

Dinner with a View

Part of Botany Babe's job is to hike out in the boonies to collect rare plant samples. I figure it's a tough job, but sometimes you get to see some really cool things. On her last hike, BB took pictures of a few incredible views to share with me. I think they look so pretty that I have to share it with more people.







The other night I told BB that I was considering cooking for her again. Sigh... me and my big mouth. She told me how long she would stay with me depends on how well I cook. No pressure, huh?



So I arrived, ingredients in hand, and started cooking. Things seemed to go well. BB was in good spirits, albeit a little hungry. The food smelled decent enough.



And we sat down to eat. BB lit some candles for mood lighting, and played some nice music on her CD player. Things seemed to be going well...

Then she took a bite.

"This is... sort of... bland."

There went the relationship.

But it turned out sort of fun. It was like I was meant to screw up dinner. We had a good time making fun of my cooking, and trying out different spices to season my slop. However, the fact was my cooking sucked, and thus BB would have to end the relationship.

But wait!



I was clever enough to bring along dessert. Knowing BB's weakness for ice cream, I bought some mochi ice cream. It was enough to give me a second chance.

Now I plan on cooking some chicken...

RTFM

If you didn't know, RTFM stands for: Read The Fucking Manual.

Bet you didn't know condoms came with manuals, eh? Now the fun part comes with reading the directions while you have a hard-on, with a naked woman by your side. Who the hell would do that?



Here's the part you can't really see in the pic:

Hold tip while you unroll condom... all the way down to the hair. [You're screwed if you shave or wax.] If condom doesn't unroll, it's on wrong [duh]. Throw it away. Start over with a new one.

The scary part is the pictures. Take a close look. The pictures are drawn in a really cartoony way. It's like Joe Camel... I think they're trying to market these condoms to kids. Perhaps they secretly want kids to start having sex. Maybe that's the reason why the male and female in the pictures have no bush, but instead have peach fuzz.

Ah heck. Maybe it might be a good thing for kids to start having safe sex.

Youth in Asia

Just another short posting. This time the theme is Asia. That's right kiddies. Asia.

Asia is the world's largest continent. It is also where we find China. Right now, China is very important in the world. China is hosting the Olympics, banning the eating of dogs... temporarily, subjugating Tibet, and poisoning our pets and children with toxic materials.

But the food is excellent.

Last week Machu Pichu and I headed to the local Bon Dance. Tattoo Girl was supposed to come along, but got tied up. If you don't know, a bon dance (o-bon) is a festival celebrating and remembering the departed. What you would see at a bon dance would be taiko drums, food, games, and Japanese country line dancing.



Before I left for my month long mainland journey, MP, TG, and I had planned to go to a bon dance together. I was supposed to get my mother to teach them how to dance. I, of course, would have conveniently disappeared during that time.

So here we see MP in the ring dancing. Clazy Lound-eye.



Continuing the Asian theme, I had a dinner date with Botany Babe. I picked her up in the evening. Since it was a special event, I dressed to the nines. I had a t-shirt, an oversized pair of basketball shorts, and slippers. I looked HOT!



We headed to a local grocery store and bought frozen saimin. Then we hit a Chinese take-out around the corner. The proprietress was in a good mood apparently since she wasn't yelling at the customers or her husband. We got some beef broccoli and char siu.

Next, we borrowed my mother's (turns out she's integral to this blog entry) pot and saimin bowls.

About 20 minutes later... Voila!



During dinner, I tried to teach BB how to say "shiru" and "gochisousamadeshita". She came close on the first one. A lot better than MP, who not only messed up the word for soup, but also messed up the name of my friend on their first meeting.

When eating saimin/ramen, it is customary to slurp the noodles. BB, God bless her, worked on her slurping until she ran out of noodles.



Burp! 'scuse me.

Introducing: Botany Babe... (and a weird guy dancing)

An earthquake hit California. A hurricane hit Texas.

What's going on? Seems like the world might end? It's probably my fault. You see, I met a girl. Her name is Botany Babe. We seem to be hitting it off well. I like her, and I'm pretty sure she likes me.

I mean... she bought me a CAR! How's that for a gift? The only thing I bought her was a scented candle and some ice cream. The way to a man's heart is a really cool mode of conveyance.












It's a Shelby Cobra. Heh.





It all started on out second date. We had time to kill before our movie (Mamma Mia) started, so I took Botany Babe to Walmart. I told her I would buy her a gift. Anything she wanted, as long as it was $1.89 give or take a few cents. She was leaning toward soaps, but then she found the scented candles.

On a later date, she said it was my turn to get a gift. We went into Long's and she set the price at $1.78. I headed for the Sanrio goods, but that was way out of the price range. I thought I would end up with something like sponges and cleaning supplies, when lo and behold, we ran into the toy section. Hot Wheels for $1.79. Sweet!



In other news, I was dancing in the canefield again when I totally remembered this video. Enjoy.

Rave Biker (31 year old English Teacher dances)