Conan, Subotai and Lane Meyer

I'm going to steal my compadre's mojo here and do some picture blogging while I tell this story. I'm doing this for my buddy because he'd never do it for himself. He's the kind of guy that is heard but rarely seen so he needs his loud mouth buddy, Sockfoot, to shove him into the spotlight.

On with the show.

I'm pretty much a nerd.



Because I'm a nerd I suffer from bad self esteem, nearsightedness and an uncontrollable compulsion to do things like play online video games. In fact the first online game I ever played was one based on Star Trek.



Actually the depth of my nerditude was sadder than that.



Anyway, now that the laughter is dieing down, I can go on with my story. While I was nerding around playing Star Trek I met this other guy. For purposes of identification we'll call him Lane Meyer. You know, John Cusak's character from "Better Off Dead".



In fact the similarities of this guy to Lane Meyer are striking. He's got a car he's not too keen on,



and he wishes he had another one.



He's constantly being hounded by kids,



he's mostly surrounded by strange people,



and he wishes some French chick would come along and teach him the international language of love.



In fact I'm pretty sure that sometimes he wonders if it's all worth while.



Lane Meyer has never admitted it out loud, but I know he thinks he's a nerd too.



After a while Lane Meyer and I got to be friends. (Lane Meyer is the short one on the right with the facial hair).



While it's true we were nerds, we soon figured out that in the world of Cyberspace Gaming we were viewed as bad asses.



So we set off together on a grand adventure through many pixelated lands. This is me in Cyberspace,



(U stop laffing or imma pwnz0r ur cyber-aZZ, beOtch!1111!!!!)



And this is Lane Meyer.



Pretty bad ass, eh?

For six years we've been kicking cyber-booty together. It's been a lot of fun, but sometimes we'd take a break from wreaking cyber-havok and just talk.



One of the recuring themes in our talks was how Lane Meyer seemed to get no action with the ladies.



You see Lane Meyer is constantly surrounded by hot asian chicks.



This might have something to do with the fact that he lives in Paradise.



Well, I don't know if it's exactly Paradise, but the sun shines a lot, it's warm and wet and there are lots of scantily clad women, so if it isn't Paradise it's got to be pretty close.



Ummm ... sorry I lost my train of thought there.

Oh yeah, Lane Meyer is always pretty bummed because he's convinced to an absolute certainty that women, especially hot women, don't notice him at all.



Lately it's really got him singing the blues.



I've tried to talk to Lane Meyer about this problem. I've given him a lot of advice and tried to bolster his confidence in himself,



but for some reason he doesn't seem to hear it.



Truthfully sometimes I think he enjoys suffering,



but he's my buddy so I've got to keep trying to help him.



However this time, instead of trying to straighten him out,



I'm going to try talking directly to the ladies instead.



Ladies, I think Lane Meyer sells himself very short in the looks department, but according to Lane Meyer he looks like this ...



but even if that's the case, which I don't believe, I want you to look past that. Instead I want you to know that my buddy Lane Meyer works a job that doesn't pay him what he's worth,



but he works hard at it because he knows it's an important job.



He's also scary smart,



he's got a college education and a great sense of humor,



he rides a motorcycle,



he views the world in a very unique way,



and he is noble, loyal and trustworthy.



So to all of you hot chicks out there (you know who you are) ...



I want you to take a good long look at Lane Meyer. Really spend some time studying him.



A good way to get to know him is read what he's written here. Maybe he's not exactly built like a greek god,



but I think when you peel away the layers of self depricating humor and knee jerk self preservation mechanisms you'll find something much more rare and worth while.



Very truly yours, Nonwheezer's ... I mean ... Lane Meyer's weirdo friend,



Sockfoot