Extracurricular Women

I have this pretty friend. She's pretty in several ways. She looks pretty. She's pretty handy with a wrench, and she pretty much has some self-esteem issues. One day she asked, "why do guys think that girls who wrench are weird?"

OK, granted there are a bunch of guys out there whose idea of the perfect girl is the subservient, obedient little girly girl. They're weird. If you want a girl like that, why not just adopt a 17 year old Asian chick?

On the contrary, there are many, many men who are attracted to capable women. Women who not only look good, but possess other talents can win the hearts of a broader segment of the male audience. You see, slavery out, women's lib in. Or something to that effect.

So while in my meditation chamber (shower), I came up with the idea for this article. I would create a list of women who are not only easy on the eyes, but also possess some less-than-girly-girl talents.

***I tend to get my best ideas in the shower, driving, or riding my motorcycle. I know some people do their best thinking on the crapper, but that is my study time.

Melanie never even got close to making this list.

We start with Zhao Wei. This cute, Chinese actress has appeared as a princess in many movies. She also acts in action movies with lots of kung fu. If you get to see So Close, pay attention to the bathroom fight scenes. Oh man, she's hot.


Zhang Ziyi: Made a big name for herself in Crouching Tiger as the impetuous kung fu girl. She also played a merciless gangster in Rush Hour 2, and a headstrong princess in Musa. She learned to speak English shortly after Tiger. Kung fu, nobility, pretty, and smart. HOT!


The X-Women: Jean Grey, Storm, and Mystique. They possess incredible power. Jean has telekinetic power greater than Professor X and Magneto. Storm can control the weather at will. Mystique can shape shift to look like anyone she wants. Plus, she can walk around naked BOING! The other two that wear clothes like to wear tight leathers.

Michelle Wie: Pro golfer. One of the most talented young golfers since Tiger Woods. She's so good, she can hold her own against the men. I included her on this hottie list because there is a lot of internet buzz about her. Apparently there are like a million men who can't wait until she turns 18 so they can legally jerk off to her pictures.

Selene: Vampire and kick ass girl. Beats the crap out of werewolves and other vampires who gets in her way. Handy with a gun, and looks great in black latex.


Rachel Weisz: I like the characters she played in the movies. She once acted as a young Russian girl who uses her education, and later a sniper rifle, to help defeat the Nazis. She also acted as a librarian who discovers the ancients secrets of a mummy. That was the movie where she fought another scantily clad woman. In Runaway Jury, she out conned Gene Hackman and beat his plans at jury tampering.


Beatrice, the Bride: Heroine of the Kill Bill series. She was nearly murdered by her former colleagues, but came back from the grave and wiped them out. She killed the Crazy 88s chambarra style. Yeah! Watch out though. She's a spitter.


Oren Ishii: Though she gets killed by Beatrice, this lady became the world's top assassin and leader of the yakuza. She has the manners and class of a well-to-do Japanese woman. Don't mess with her though. She'll cut off your head. Oh, and it's pronounced ee-sheeee, not ee-she-ee.


River: Teen aged fugitive from an oppressive future government. Don't let her cherubic good looks fool you. With a secret codeword, she can beat the crap out of any scumbag smuggler.


Park Hyojin: North Korean spy girl sent to the South to find a runaway spy. She gets a job at Burger King as a cover and quickly becomes the main attraction for all the college boys in the area. She also beats up mobsters who get in her way.


Paris Hilton: WTF?!?


Sandra Bullock: Never saw her play the prissy girly girl. She's been the unwilling heroine in Speed. She was the go-gettem cop in sexy tights in Demolition Man. Her characters have a down to earth beauty, and they're often intelligent and capable. I'm willing to bet I wasn't the only guy who went frame-by-frame in Demo to see if she was naked in the sex scene. (she later had real nude scenes ga-BOING!)


Michelle Rodriguez: Her first role was that of a female boxer. She was great at that. Then she got the part of being the sexy chick with a wrench in Fast and the Furious. She is the tough tomboy that men fantasize about. Then she got drunk.


Oboro: Leader of the Iga Ninja clan. She secretly marries the leader of a rival clan. While she acts ultra-feminine, she's a courageous leader and can kill instantly with her gaze of death.


Meg Ryan: To paraphrase something I heard before, if you need a sexy, intelligent actress, get Meg. In IQ, she played a woman who was not only one of the smartest people in the world, but also she had a great sense of self. She wasn't one to be intimidated by her uncle, Albert Einstein.


Michelle Yeoh: Former Miss Malaysia. She's not only sexy, but she's a kung fu chick. She also does her own stunts, and not just some easy ones. She jumped a dirt bike and landed on a moving train. I believe she also holds the title for being the only Bond girl who wasn't just a sperm receptacle.


Milla Jovovich: Started as a scrawny model. She would have been classified as one of those girly girls, but now she's a bit more buff. The former model is now an action star. Too bad Ultraviolet sucked. She looked pretty damn fine in that movie.


Yeon Soha: The top fighter of an ancient Korean kingdom. She was sent to protect a prince from a band of assassins. She beat the crap out of a street gang without breaking a sweat. She would have been able to wipe out the entire bad-guy army if she didn't have to fight poisoned. She's also a hot Asian chick.


Mae: Second in command of the Killer Blade Army, the group of assassins that fight Yeon Soha. She is also an impressive fighter, and she got a killer bod too. That tattoo at the top of her butt crack oooooooo!


Shibasaki Kou: She played the vicious killer girl in Battle Royale. She was also the gruff airplane mechanic, and the headstrong, deaf musician. She has awesome exotic looks. Rumor has it that she was the first choice for Go Go Yubari. She also sings really well and has several hit songs in Japan.


Kim Cattrall: Before she got old and sexy, she was young and sexy. In Mannequin, Kim played a cursed Egyptian princess who turned into a statue to everyone but her true love. She was the muse to all who knew her. It was her that led to some of the greatest events in history, like Columbus and America and stuff.


Elasti-Girl: Yeah, she's animated, but who cares? She has the power to stretch and reshape her body at will. She's also super nimble, and is married to Mr. Incredible. Although Mr. Incredible might be the most powerful man in the world, Elasti-Girl more than holds her own against him.


Kyung-jin Yeo: In Windstruck, she played a no nonsense cop who drags a meek high school teacher into danger. She later "claims" him as her boyfriend. When he dies, she goes on a rampage on crime. In My Sassy Girl, she plays a crazy girl who makes her boyfriend do whatever she wants. She may look cute, but she got a gunpowder filled personality.


Lara Croft: Treasure hunter. Adventurer. Archaeologist. Sexy. This is the live action version of the doll that Allen Covert jerked off to. The games were a hit too. Think Indiana Jones without the penis but all of the balls.


Elena: Married to Zorro. Not only is she sexy, but she has the sword skills to contest Zorro himself. If only that corset would pop open. Please God, please?


Gogo Yubari: Cute Japanese girl in a school uniform. Don't get too attracted though. She's a killer. Literally. She's the bodyguard of the top assassin in the world. What does that say about her skill and ruthlessness?


Danica Patrick: Oh Fuck Yeah! This gorgeous woman is a real deal professional race car driver. If you don't think that's hot, you need to go listen to your Village People albums.


Dana Scully: This pretty lady is a federal agent. She investigates the X-Files. Basically, she's lived and experienced things so out of this world it would reduce the toughest professional wrestlers into mush. Yet she still finds the time to make sure she looks like a million dollars.


Jodie Foster: Beautiful, intelligent, and a powerful personality. You know she's tough. After taking a cumshot to the face, she went out and got this gnarly bad guy who was skinning women and making a suit out of them. She's also one of the biggest hitters in Hollywood. She got major clout.


Trinity: Kick ass girl from the Matrix. She got the guns, the brains, and the kung fu grip. Walks into a room full of cops and beats them all senseless. You should see her in that Mars movie. She has a body that can even make the dead rise.


Azumi: Don't let this cute little girl fool you. She was raised as an assassin. Her first job was to kill her best friend and possible love interest. She then went on to kill a whole bunch of ninjas, a couple hundred soldiers and thieves, a psycho murderer, a powerful samurai, and three lords.


The Wilson Sisters: Ever heard of the group Heart? If not, you need to go out and get the CD. These sisters have incredible voices and singing talent. Their voices are very powerful and create a very high standard for rock ballads.


Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Take one hot girl. Teach her how to kill vampires. Set her loose. Gotta love the combination of sexy and kick ass. I know many guys would love to give her a woody stake.


So you see, there are tons of attractive women who can do non-feminine things. Sure there will be guys who want the unltra-feminine, but there are tons and tons more who would want a more complete package. If you're the tomboy type, embrace it. It's not weird at all. It's the coolest thing ever. Hell, I'm reminded of this beer commercial where this guy's girlfriend sits down, drinks a beer, loosens her belt, scratches herself, and then turns on the tv to watch sports. A million men fell in love at the exact same moment.

Just don't fart until you're in a secure relationship.