Now since we're lazy and weak, plus we use all-mountain and freeride bikes, we use trucks to shuttle our bikes to the top of the trail. Before we get started, we usually gear up at the first lookout on the mountain, a place called FM.
I don't know why we call it FM. We just do. We have tons of really stupid nonsensical names for places. I just learned not to ask and to just go with the flow.
At FM there were a bunch of tourists. Among these touri (I want to make my own words) were some pretty, young, blonde girls.
"Excuse me sir. How much do you want for your young daughter? Don't need to get mad sir. Don't worry. I have lots of experience handling young girls. I've dealt with lots of them."
And off we went to the top of the trail.
Lucky us. Right where we park our trucks was a Game Warden. They're the cops on the mountain. While we were unloading our bikes, he came over to talk to us.
All the things we wanted to say started flowing through our minds: F*kk you cops! Die Pigs! Down with the Man! You don't own this land! Power to the people! Kiss my ass, copper! Help help, I'm being oppressed!
"Yes officer, how can we help you?" (Did I mention we're cowards?)
Turns out he just wanted to inform us on the proper areas to ride bikes. And we were so ready to run him through.
Off on the trail we went. Yeehaw! I think it's about 4-5 miles. Lots of fun, lots of pushing. Then we got back to FM.
The other two guys took a car to pick up the truck. I waited with our bikes and gear. I had nothing to do, and I wasn't about to entertain the touri, so I rode around on the new Session 77. It's a cool bike. Seven inches of suspension travel. Top quality components. Hydraulic brakes. Everything. It even has a nifty "lock out," feature.
The lock out feature reduces the length of the front fork's travel. Reducing the travel also reduces the amount of power lost during pedaling. All you need to do is flip a switch and compress the fork.
Then here comes an idiot (me). I flip the switch, pedal the bike up to speed, nail the front brakes while leaning forward.
Luckily I jumped off the seat and got my feet on the ground, thus preventing severe bruising of the ego. A little girl saw me though. I will have to hunt her down and kill her now. She knows too much.
After a second run, we headed off the mountain to eat lunch. My friend asked me to call GSX-RGirrrl. She's one of the girls featured in my Twilight blog/video. We had a friendly dinner together a week ago. You can read it in the Back Off and Island Girl blog. At the end of the dinner, GSX-RGirrrl (hereafter referred to as Girl) suggested we do it again. So my friend wanted to know when Girl wanted to eat.
It turns out this girl does not eat. Maybe my comment about her ass getting fat got to her? Is she starving herself? She said she had to work all week so she couldn't eat. She must be building a pyramid for Pharaohs or something because if she has to work so much that she can't eat, then she must be a slave.
And she shouldn't worry about the size of her ass. It has a nice curve to it. I would try to prove it to her, but I lost my french curve when the hurricane (1992) trashed my house.
I'm guessing Girl is just indecisive. Wishy-washy. Can't make up her mind. Can any other female fill me in on this? To me, deciding on eating is a rather simple manner. I know I'll be hungry in the evening, so I'll shoot out a day that I know isn't a religious or state holiday. Simple. It's not like we're trying to plan a Mars mission.
Oh crap. I think I figured it out. Despite what Sockfoot says, my looks make babies cry. I've had sideshow freaks give me standing ovations. Girl must not like me. Or I probably smell bad. Hmmm... so I think it would be best to fire the first salvo. If she doesn't like me then too bad. I'll eat double portions of dinner hahahaha! And I won't have to worry about my ass getting fat. Though it is ugly, it's made of steel. Mountain biking does that, you know.
In the end I will probably beg and play nice. I'll do my best to set up yet another group dinner thing no matter how hard the parties involved try to avoid eye contact with me. After all, there's something about Girl that I like.
I want to mount her,
And ride her...
bright red GSX-R600!
*******late add**********
WTF is with Match.com? They're now advertising on MySpace using a webcam-like ad. It gets really annoying. I mean, I was just there posting the link to this blog when I saw the ad. I had my pants around my ankles before I realized they were NOT going to get naked. F*CK!
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